Lacewing wrote: ↑Fri Nov 18, 2022 2:12 am
But if you weren't alive, you couldn't thrash back and forth between hate and love dramatically, which is clearly how you roll rather than playing a completely different game with your energy.
It has been my own experience that thrashing back and forth between hate and love is the same one energy. That's my theory anyway, I'm not asking anyone to agree with that.
For me personally, there is no other game to play. I have been forced to play this game, since I'm alive and there is nothing I could have done to prevent myself from being alive. I didn't make myself alive, so I have no other option than to play the game of being alive. I can hate the experience with just as much passion as I can love the experience. If I could ever have the luxury of personally choosing to be alive, I probably wouldn't.
Lacewing wrote: ↑Fri Nov 18, 2022 2:12 am Do you have any other capability you haven't explored yet?
I suppose I've explored everything to be honest.
I've particularly enjoyed exploring living as a recluse, in solitude, alone, which does apparently seem to suit my character very much, it simulates the death state for me, that's when I am at my most happiest and feel most comfort and contentment.
Falling in love with the opposite sex because I am not gay, is another capability I have explored which is a very blissful experience for me especially when my love for the man is requited back to me with mutual passion and commitment. The love experience is probably one of the most pleasurable experiences I have explored while being alive, but then it can also be one of the most painful experiences when the love is unrequited.
Even though I am fully aware that the play of opposites ( love and hate ) is all so very fleeting and temporal, and that all that I will hate and love will eventually disappear from the stage of life as though nothing ever happened.
Life for me personally, is a cocktail of having and having not, wanting and not wanting what I've wanted, desire and disinterest, enthusiasm and apathetic, being attentive and distraction. It's a bumpy rollercoaster ride to nowhere, and the thrill is thinking and believing it is leading somehwere other than a dead end.