How to improve your life and gain benefits

[prof]

The secret as to how to improve your life is simple. Make someone else's life easier by improving the quality of their life. Of course, I know it is futile to tell anyone how to live, since they will go their own way; but if you do want to improve your life, you now, in what follows, have some basic suggestions as to how.
First, be authentic yourself. Pretense and phoniness will get you nowhere. So, be real !

... Frank Ramsey .....[whites] "In ethics it [a useful mental habit] might be a habit of doing what is good (as in Epictetus: what we do from habit is sweet to us; so practice doing what is good until it become a habit); ... in philosophy we cannot take our habits, ethical or critical, as a matter of course or for granted, we cannot simply say "It works (is useful), but I'm not concerned about why it works", ....

Hi, reasonvemotion

Thanks for a very constructive contribution.

You - and Frank Ramsey too - are so right !! I thought, though, that in my earlier threads and posts, and especially in the Unified Theory of Ethics essays, to which I have earlier offered links, I did explain what 'a good x' means. I did in fact "get to the root of it" when I told why we need to ask, when we use the word "good": Good as what? or Good for what? (In other words, it defines X is a good C, where C is the concept, the class of which x is a member. And for an individual, it defines x is a good X, where X is the self-concept, designated by one's proper name.)

We need to be specific... to specify what the relevant concept is. Else good communication does not take place. I hoped I had made Hartman's breakthrough clear - his Axiom of Value - which defines the terms 'value' and 'good.' I guess it still hasn't sunk in. True, it doesn't cover all usages, but defines only "x is a good C, to judge J, at time t."

I further assumed that the three basic dimensions of value, derived from that axiom plus some reasonable assumptions from mathematics, would supply us with a set of tools that show which direction to go if one wants to head toward the (moral and ethical) good. In fact, I defined the field of Ethics as: that study that arises when individuals are viewed Intrinsically. ...are seen as In-Values. Thus if we aim toward Intrinsic Value we are arriving at the good.

This informs us that when confronted with a dilemma we are better off if we
Choose mercy over 'justice' (formalities, duty, loyalty, codes, etc.)
Choose the individual over the collectivity.
Choose love over cost-benefit analyses, efficiencies, so-called 'practical consequences', etc. ...
and Choose the long-term view over short-term considerations.

These principles - along with Never murder, and Reduce suffering as much as humanly possible - are some of the main ones to which Ethics directs attention.

[prof]

... there are no guarantees but I don't think that you'd have to 'like' doing things for others to benefit. I think the whole point of giving of yourself is to forget your own troubles. To become less absorbed with self and focus the brain on someone else.

Yes, artisticsolution

I agree with what you say. You get it.

You understand what I am driving at in this thread.

Your points are well-taken.

Your answers to the remarks of Voice of Time are right on target. Thank you for your acute insight.



p.s. Reasonvemotion gets it too.


Another moral principle that the discipline of Ethics points to is (what I have named) The Principle of Inclusivity. A brainy philosopher-scientist expressed it well in these words:

"Human beings are a part of a whole called by us the "Universe," a part limited in time and space. We experience ourselves as thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest - a kind of optical delusion of consciousness.

This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty." ---- Albert Einstein.

Just as Albert Schweitzer taught in his ethics we see here an emphasis on Reverence for Life.

And the Unified Theory teaches: Include more and more within your ethical radius, in your in-group, until it sweeps in eventually almost all of humanity, every conscious living individual. Be inclusive. Avoid tribalism.


Comments? Analyses? Improvements?

[The Voice of Time]

You first have to like doing things for others to enjoy it. There's no guarantee for a gain, especially if you are of a kind with a strict sense of deserving.

You are right that there are no guarantees but I don't think that you'd have to 'like' doing things for others to benefit. I think the whole point of giving of yourself is to forget your own troubles. To become less absorbed with self and focus the brain on someone else.

Heh, you know, it reminds me of parents of force their kids to do charity only for the kids to associate charity in the aftermath with coercion and carelessness (or should I rather say "suspectness" about possible carelessness towards the givers).

[artisticsolution]

You first have to like doing things for others to enjoy it. There's no guarantee for a gain, especially if you are of a kind with a strict sense of deserving.

You are right that there are no guarantees but I don't think that you'd have to 'like' doing things for others to benefit. I think the whole point of giving of yourself is to forget your own troubles. To become less absorbed with self and focus the brain on someone else.

Heh, you know, it reminds me of parents of force their kids to do charity only for the kids to associate charity in the aftermath with coercion and carelessness (or should I rather say "suspectness" about possible carelessness towards the givers).

I know...being a parent is a difficult thing...you never can tell what effect you will have on your kids. You are pretty much damned if you do or damned if you don't. Even if you were to sit back and never force your kids to do anything...you would be blamed with negligence by them.

That being said, I think it impossible to raise a child without ever 'forcing' them to do anything. In my own experience, I did my share of forcing when they were younger...making them go to school when they didn't want to, seeing to it that they had a bath and a bedtime and that I knew where they were at all times. But then as they aged a backed off...feeling that it was their right to choose what they wanted to do...and to tell you the truth...I don't know if I did right by them...perhaps I should have choose coercion for their own good. I mean they seem like happy well adjusted adults...but would they have been better off in the long run had I been controlling like my friend who's kid now has a full scholarship to an ivy league school and will probably never want for anything in his life. My kids are young adults...but I wonder if , by my actions I made them too lax...possibly unable to take care of themselves. I do ask myself...will they live with me forever? As a parent I am tired. I am done with taking care of people. You just get too old after a while...age has made me just want to be responsible for myself. Something I did not realize as a young person...that I would just get tired and worn out never crossed my mind.

[artisticsolution]

This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty." ---- Albert Einstein.

Just as Albert Schweitzer taught in his ethics we see here an emphasis on Reverence for Life.

And the Unified Theory teaches: Include more and more within your ethical radius, in your in-group, until it sweeps in eventually almost all of humanity, every conscious living individual. Be inclusive. Avoid tribalism.


Comments? Analyses? Improvements?

I liked the Albert Einstein quote, thanks. I also liked what you had to say to RVE. Especially this:

"Choose mercy over 'justice'"

I have noticed in my life that punishment is a big thing with people. I wonder what makes us want to punish others but not like other to punish us? I mean, logically speaking, the chances are going to be much higher for us to be punished if we condone and encourage the thought, "justice should be served". It's a numbers game...the more people who carry that thought = the more people who will want to see to it you get punished for every little thing you do.

Hate as a form of punishment is huge. Hate the gays. Hate fat people. Hate feminists. Hate liberals/republicans. Hate hookers. Hate religion, etc. The list goes on and on. It is impossible to live without someone punishing you through hating you. It doesn't make sense to want to punish...but not want to BE punished ...as one will cause the other.

Are we doomed to be illogical?

[The Voice of Time]

To make, or should I rather say: to be the cause of your kids doing something, isn't a bad thing. On the other, coercion is almost always a bad thing. Sure, it doesn't have to screw your kid up, but coercion is still always painful and in the depths of their hearts the kids will always live with the coercion they've experienced earlier in their life, and any good person should not want people to need to have that, and in their own capacities, they should struggle to achieve so they don't.

Teach your kid to listen to reason and to have an open and investigating mind, and you should be able to convey the reasons of the world and necessities as long as you are capable to give them yourself (and as long as you have the ability to admit defeat when yourself are the weaker mind, as we all have our times when we just are). If you're incapable, you might want to settle for a less sophisticated method of parenting, or shift between this one and others, but this one I hold to be the greatest of all and what I hope to achieve myself when my time comes.

It is however very challenging I would think, because it requires you yourself to be open to the problems the kid might bring up, which could be different from the ones you yourself are interested in. It also requires of you to be able to deliver exquisite satisfying answers, and not try to deliver half thought-out answers, then it's better to put it on the to-do-list or simply say "I don't know" or "I don't know... but!" and some possible help. It is also challenging because sometimes the answer isn't clear, perhaps because society doesn't itself have a clear answer, and to clarify it can be a heck of a job or even seemingly impossible.

Another virtue, goal-orientation, is also very effective when installed in a kid because it helps simplifying the barrier of communication between the parent and the kid, and will at the same time simplify the kids progress in life, all by being able to socialize the problems of achieving what the kid finds valuable to her- or himself, make it a topic which can further be taken apart into many small steps in turn making it possible for people socializing with the kid to be updated and keep track of the interests and in turn the means and the emotions and the thoughts and the actions of the kid become apparent and visible and somehow predictable or at least predictable within a limited realm of possible outcomes.

[artisticsolution]

To make, or should I rather say: to be the cause of your kids doing something, isn't a bad thing. On the other, coercion is almost always a bad thing. Sure, it doesn't have to screw your kid up, but coercion is still always painful and in the depths of their hearts the kids will always live with the coercion they've experienced earlier in their life, and any good person should not want people to need to have that, and in their own capacities, they should struggle to achieve so they don't.

Teach your kid to listen to reason and to have an open and investigating mind, and you should be able to convey the reasons of the world and necessities as long as you are capable to give them yourself (and as long as you have the ability to admit defeat when yourself are the weaker mind, as we all have our times when we just are). If you're incapable, you might want to settle for a less sophisticated method of parenting, or shift between this one and others, but this one I hold to be the greatest of all and what I hope to achieve myself when my time comes.

It is however very challenging I would think, because it requires you yourself to be open to the problems the kid might bring up, which could be different from the ones you yourself are interested in. It also requires of you to be able to deliver exquisite satisfying answers, and not try to deliver half thought-out answers, then it's better to put it on the to-do-list or simply say "I don't know" or "I don't know... but!" and some possible help. It is also challenging because sometimes the answer isn't clear, perhaps because society doesn't itself have a clear answer, and to clarify it can be a heck of a job or even seemingly impossible.

Another virtue, goal-orientation, is also very effective when installed in a kid because it helps simplifying the barrier of communication between the parent and the kid, and will at the same time simplify the kids progress in life, all by being able to socialize the problems of achieving what the kid finds valuable to her- or himself, make it a topic which can further be taken apart into many small steps in turn making it possible for people socializing with the kid to be updated and keep track of the interests and in turn the means and the emotions and the thoughts and the actions of the kid become apparent and visible and somehow predictable or at least predictable within a limited realm of possible outcomes.

Please print that out and save it. This is exactly how I raised my kids. I know you don't understand this now...as I didn't either...before I had raised 2 children....but that funny saying is true..... "It is sooo easy to raise imaginary children."

I think if you print that out...and then read it when your kids are grown...you will smile at your audacity. The audacity every parent to be has when they are raising imaginary perfect future children. I too thought I solved the problem of how to raise children the correct way.

What I am telling you is that it is impossible. No matter what you do you will be screwed. Let me ask you this...how many well adjusted happy successful people do you see walking around? I see very few. Most of these people on Earth were raised by people who thought just like us...who had the formula down on how to raise kids. I think it is rare the parent who says, "He he he...Oh goodie...now I have a person I can coerce and make miserable...mwah mwah mwah!" We all think we know how to raise kids best. But the truth is....esp in the teen years...no matter how good the parenting...your kid is going to hate you occasionally. For the simple fact that each generation changes...and whatever was 'cool' in your day...will be 'uncool' in your kids day.

I know what it is to be your age. I know you have the hippest thoughts...the coolest outlook...the latest knowledge (this is not sarcastic...I am being real...you are the new generation...and my generation is on it's way out...we can't compete with you....same as in my day...my parents generation could not compete with me). You know way more than my generation...and that makes you more knowledgeable than me...and it makes you think you are invincible in that knowledge so that you will always be "hip" and know what the "best" course of action is to take. But I am here to tell you...what is 'best' now...will not be seen as 'best' when you get older. Your kids will think your style is stupid. You could do the best to your ability....hell you could do the best to anyone's ability...and you are still going to be told by a young person...what the best course of action is to take...even if they have never done it before....like your parenting advice...lol. It's just the way it is. That is why I want you to keep your post above... I want you read it to yourself and see if you still feel the same...and then let your grown kids read it and then see if they feel that is how you ended up raising them...should be interesting.


There was this sitcom that use to make me laugh....the man and women have a new baby....and have not have sleep in months. They are sitting on the couch exhausted and the woman says, "remember when we used to party all night and then have to get up the next day and go to work?" The man says, "Yeah." Then she says, "Remember me saying I was tired?" The man says, "Yeah." Then she says, "Well I now know....I was being a wimp."

When you have to live it 24/7 it's a different story. contrary to popular belief...you do not become superhuman when you have kids....there are tons of decisions to make...and you are not going to be right on every single decision you make...it is impossible. Even if you did have rest through some miracle...you will fuck up.

Once I was clipping my kids nails... and accidently nicked their skin....my girlfriend who had never had kids said, "oh you hurt the poor baby!" The a few years later, after she had kids, she was trying to take her kid out of the car seat...and it was stuck...so she pulled pulled pulled....and it finally let go...and her hand flew back smashing into her kids face! I resisted the urge to say, "Oh you hurt the poor baby!" LOL Shit like this happens...it happens physically and emotionally. There is nothing you can do. You are just not "ON" at all times. it is impossible....and the 'bigger' the kid....the bigger and more difficult the problems. And you are not always going to be more knowledgeable than them. They will leave you in the dust and you one day...will see them take over your world. And things will change and you may see the mistakes you made more clearly in hindsight.

But I know I am wasting my breath. No one understands until they have had kids. You just can't understand. It is impossible.

[The Voice of Time]

Given all the means available to us it should be a possible to predict very many things which are natural parts of raising kids if you just find it interesting enough and have the wisdom to filter what you hear so that the sensible parts are left in your brain. If you find it impossible that's your problem and whoever shares your problem. I'll try to do better than you then, and hopefully I will succeed. It's better to try instead of talking about impossibilities, that will only take you nowhere.

About the teen-thingy. I've met several teens who does not hate their parents simply because their parents cared enough about them that their kids didn't have a reason to hate their parents. When teenager enters teenager life they will feel frustrated if and only if they lack positive emotional contact for which they feel comfortable to seek refuge in, and note that I'm fairly absolute about this, which I will call a fact. Some parents takes individuality too far I think and I further think that it leads to alienation from the kids feelings, alternatively the parents are the direct problem in that they corrupted the relationship with their kid by filling it with dissatisfaction, that is, the parent, in every kids eyes (or at least almost everyone) has an obligation to entertain and make happy the kid, when the parent does contrary, and especially if the parent has a habit of doing contrary, the kid will associate the parent with being an object of dissatisfaction and unhappiness. If the parent tries controlling the life of the kid, the kid will increase their sense of dependency and will turn frustrated when the parent is absent. Therefore, the solution to both problems, is the creation of an ever-present thought-pattern to the kid that socializes the problems, is self-developing and thus make them able to communicate their state of satisfaction and pursue necessary means to have them satisfied. Sometimes they will need your properties for that (your body for a hug, your brain for solving issues, your length to take down high up items, your knowledge to solve a technical issue, your strength for lifting, your skills for coaching etc.), and sometimes they will be able to do it on their own, and very often you'll need to combine them together. I have sort-of an instinct for both, I think it is a product of my life that my thoughts are very need-oriented and therefore much of my day I would probably walk around thinking "what do you need? what do you need? what do you need?", it is sort-of a family trait of mine to tend to other people's issues.

Your kids will think your style is stupid.

This is a bit cliché and doesn't have much to do with causality. Your kids will think it's stupid if such thought is a priority for them, and which essentially is very much you to blame for having such a thought-pattern (sometimes, of course, they'll just think it's stupid because we all at times are stupid, but that doesn't have anything to do with generational differences, it's just what happens to everyone). Again, I know many examples to the contrary. It doesn't have to suite them all the time the parent's style, but it doesn't have to be stupid for that sake.

what the best course of action is to take

That is natural, yes, and if you are a reasonable person you'll be reasonable and figure out if they're right in that or whether they're faulty to think so.

and you are not going to be right on every single decision you make

That is reasonable, my statement wasn't about insane capacities but at which direction those capacities you do have should be targeted. It's not about always being right but at trying and how to make the greatest success.

and accidently nicked their skin

Classic I know. Then it's just to say you are sorry, and try to act appropriately so the kid understands as best as possible, the older they are, the more they understand, the younger, the more you must try to make them understand your sorryness.

There is nothing you can do.

That is strictly speaking not true. I've often been told in my life I'm too rough because I'm big and heavy and strong, my answer to that is to be consciously gentle and plan ahead when I see possible situations that my size and strength can mess things up. I do that often to this day. But I'm almost impossible to stress, so I guess I'm gifted with an ability to stay calm and gathered rather often.

[artisticsolution]

Given all the means available to us it should be a possible to predict very many things which are natural parts of raising kids. If you find it impossible that's your problem. I'll try to do better than you then, and hopefully I will succeed. It's better to try instead of talking about impossibilities, that will only take you nowhere.

I sincerely hope you succeed. However, you're already not off to a good start...seeing as you misunderstood everything I said, which will be the case with your kids as well, cause a leopard don't change their spots.

Anyway, here is some advice I always thought wise :



“The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”
John wooden

[The Voice of Time]

“The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”
John wooden

That's very untrue. My father loved my mother to the depths of his heart, and because of it he would be mean towards me and my brother to show his willingness to carry out whatever tasks she set forth for him.

[reasonvemotion]

VoT, when I was 20 I had not even held a baby. I was terrified of them.

You are way ahead of me.


Your disposition stands you in good stead...... calm.


You have demonstrated that love and respect are probably a sound basis for children and from this point all things should follow.


Without these, everything falls apart.

[prof]

Having a new baby brings many changes - and not just of diapers


For some research findings with regard to child raising, with an emphasis on moral development, see pp. 37-38 of ETHICAL EXPLORATIONS
http://wadeharvey.myqol.com/wadeharvey/ ... ONS%20.pdf

[prof]

For your information, I have just become acquainted with a new way to explain what "value" is to the lay person, the non-philosopher. It comes from the homepage of a value-scientist by the name of Dr. David Mefford. Here is the way he phrases it. I hope it is helpful.

"A value is the result of the brain's conversion of direct experience (immediate per-ception) into meaningful truth (a secondary judgment of con-ception). Value is, in general, the same as meaning, or rather, meaning confirmed and enhanced by emphasis. We structure meaning through emphasis. A person makes thousands of conscious and unconscious (conditioned) value judgments every moment, every hour and every day.


Value judgment is the primary human capacity that enables us to cope with our world - to survive and thrive in our society.


Values are a union of two major human capacities: rational cognition and emotional feelings, or attitudes, powered by emphasis. Consider the following formula in words as follows.


[value and valuation (by emphasis) = (Knowing + Feeling)]


When we value something, we use our knowledge of what it is and what it contains, plus how we feel about it - we like it or we do not like it - to some degree. In application to any given subject matter, values may be explained in the following statement.


Our values reveal the foundation of our characters, how we think and feel in the context of our roles in life and how we appreciate our own selves within the horizon of our life-world."

Although this seems to diverge a bit from the theme of this thread, it really is relevant, since terms like 'benefit' and 'improvement' and 'life quality' are all value notions. They all express degrees of, and kinds of, value. So it helps to know what value means, and its importance in our lives.

Dr. Mefford even offers the opportunity of a career in the value-measurement and personality-assessment field. See: http://axces-solutions.com/valueaddedaffiliate

Comments?

[artisticsolution]

“The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”
John wooden

That's very untrue. My father loved my mother to the depths of his heart, and because of it he would be mean towards me and my brother to show his willingness to carry out whatever tasks she set forth for him.

And you think you would be better off if your father had not loved your mother?

[The Voice of Time]

AS - I don't see how it benefits me much, of course it has taught me some sort of love and ability to love but how healthy that knowledge is I don't know, so I've searched how other people love for more dependable knowledge and tried to get the obsessive and consuming love of my father to a more moderate and workable level for myself.