Cautionary Tale

[Harbal]

Here's a little story with an important philosophical message. The message might not be immediately obvious, but we are all philosophers here, and know that we cannot expect to find treasure without doing a bit of digging.



When I was seven or eight years old, I won first prize in a “think up a slogan” competition for a well-known tea company. The prize was a baby chimpanzee, but I forget what my slogan was. His name was Howard, but I called him Gibbo, after my uncle Howard, who was also known as Gibbo. People used to ask why I called him Gibbo when he was a chimpanzee, thinking that Gibbo was short for gibbon, which it was in a way; my uncle’s name was Howard Gibbons. We were inseparable, Gibbo and I (the chimp, not my uncle), but as he got older he became more and more unmanageable, and he started to get aggressive, too.

Next door, lived Mr. Winstanley. He was a miserable old man, always complaining about something or other. One day, when Gibbo was rampaging round the garden, screeching at the top of his voice, Mr. Winstanley started hammering on the fence with his walking stick, shouting, “shut that bloody monkey up”. The next thing we knew, Gibbo had leapt over the fence, there was a bit of a thud, and then he jumped back again and sauntered into the house. We rushed to the fence and looked over to see Mr. Winstanley lying, lifeless, on his immaculate lawn.

It turned out that his neck was snapped clean as a whistle, and they said he wouldn’t have felt a thing. Two men turned up in a van a little later and took Gibbo away, but he gave them a damn good fight before they managed to restrain him. The house was completely recked, of course. I cried and cried as I watched the van driving away with Gibbo, and my mum came and put her arms round me and said, “never mind, son, at least we don’t have to put up with that miserable sod Winstanley any more”.

[uwot]

It's a heart breaking story Harbal, but I have to ask: as a Yorkshireman, how could you tell the difference between your neighbour and the chimpanzee?

[promethean75]

You're telling me you had a pet chimp that killed a neighbor and a mum that said “never mind, son, at least we don’t have to put up with that miserable sod Winstanley any more” when it happened?

I'm havin' a hard time believing this one Harb because it's too perfect. This kind of stuff just doesn't happen in the real world. Where's your papers/permit to have the chimp? I wanna see em.

[Harbal]

It's a heart breaking story Harbal, but I have to ask: as a Yorkshireman, how could you tell the difference between your neighbour and the chimpanzee?

It was easy to tell the difference. The chimp lived with me, and the neighbour lived next door.

[Harbal]

I'm havin' a hard time believing this one Harb because it's too perfect.

I know what you mean, I had a hard time believing it myself as I was writing it.

[vegetariantaxidermy]

Clearly Gibbo killed him because Mr. Winstanley called him a monkey.

[Harbal]

Clearly Gibbo killed him because Mr. Winstanley called him a monkey.

That was certainly part of it, but Mr. Winstanley mainly had to die because he was an arse hole.

[vegetariantaxidermy]

Clearly Gibbo killed him because Mr. Winstanley called him a monkey.

That was certainly part of it, but Mr. Winstanley mainly had to die because he was an arse hole.

That goes without saying. Only arseholes call chimpanzees monkeys. He got off lightly. Adult male chimps don't usually kill that cleanly.

Love your stories by the way.

[Harbal]

That goes without saying. Only arseholes call chimpanzees monkeys.

Gibbo obviously came to the same conclusion.

[uwot]

The chimp lived with me, and the neighbour lived next door.

Yeah but when only one came back over the neighbours fence, were you sure?

[Harbal]

The chimp lived with me, and the neighbour lived next door.

Yeah but when only one came back over the neighbours fence, were you sure?

Spit it out, uwot, if you wish to denegrate the inhabitants of Yorkshire just do it honestly and openly instead of pussy footing around.

[Sculptor]

Here's a little story with an important philosophical message. The message might not be immediately obvious, but we are all philosophers here, and know that we cannot expect to find treasure without doing a bit of digging.



When I was seven or eight years old, I won first prize in a “think up a slogan” competition for a well-known tea company. The prize was a baby chimpanzee, but I forget what my slogan was. His name was Howard, but I called him Gibbo, after my uncle Howard, who was also known as Gibbo. People used to ask why I called him Gibbo when he was a chimpanzee, thinking that Gibbo was short for gibbon, which it was in a way; my uncle’s name was Howard Gibbons. We were inseparable, Gibbo and I (the chimp, not my uncle), but as he got older he became more and more unmanageable, and he started to get aggressive, too.

Next door, lived Mr. Winstanley. He was a miserable old man, always complaining about something or other. One day, when Gibbo was rampaging round the garden, screeching at the top of his voice, Mr. Winstanley started hammering on the fence with his walking stick, shouting, “shut that bloody monkey up”. The next thing we knew, Gibbo had leapt over the fence, there was a bit of a thud, and then he jumped back again and sauntered into the house. We rushed to the fence and looked over to see Mr. Winstanley lying, lifeless, on his immaculate lawn.

It turned out that his neck was snapped clean as a whistle, and they said he wouldn’t have felt a thing. Two men turned up in a van a little later and took Gibbo away, but he gave them a damn good fight before they managed to restrain him. The house was completely recked, of course. I cried and cried as I watched the van driving away with Gibbo, and my mum came and put her arms round me and said, “never mind, son, at least we don’t have to put up with that miserable sod Winstanley any more”.

IS this something to do with Boris?

[Sculptor]

You're telling me you had a pet chimp that killed a neighbor and a mum that said “never mind, son, at least we don’t have to put up with that miserable sod Winstanley any more” when it happened?

I'm havin' a hard time believing this one Harb because it's too perfect. This kind of stuff just doesn't happen in the real world. Where's your papers/permit to have the chimp? I wanna see em.

IT' TRUE!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuEGdGvWcYI

[Harbal]

IS this something to do with Boris?

That depends on how clever it would make me look if I said yes.

[Sculptor]

PG Tips..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5em8lQAcvg