I need someone to talk to

[MozartLink]

Everyone finds meaning in their lives in different ways. For you, even if you were depressed and didn't have your good moods, what might bring your life meaning would be just focusing on and doing things in your life anyway and helping others such as your family. For me, it is different. My good moods are the source of all good meaning in my life. They are the only things that bring my life meaning.

You see, other things in this life alone in of themselves cannot bring our lives any meaning. It is our brains that do the job since it is our brains that perceive meaning from those things to begin with. So for you, the thinking area of your brain would give your life good meaning because if you were depressed and didn't have your good moods, you would focus and think to yourself that you are still going to continue to live anyway and not give up.

But for me, it is instead a different area of my brain that gives my life good meaning. It is not the thinking area of my brain. It is instead the area of my brain that gives me my experience of my good moods. Thoughts alone and whatnot without my good moods are nothing more than just thoughts to me (nothing more than an intellectual experience that doesn't give my life any good meaning, love, joy, happiness, or inspiration).

Without my good moods due to me having this chronic 24/7 anhedonia as well as depression, then my life is nothing but an empty void that can never be filled. I've had this anhedonia for over a year and my life still feels empty (meaningless) no matter how much focus I have put into things. It would be no different than if I took everything away from you that gave your life meaning. Your life would be like mine. It too would be nothing but an empty void that can never be filled.

The only way to bring your life meaning again would be for you to regain regain the things that bring your life meaning. As long as you cannot gain anything to bring your life meaning, then your life will always remain meaningless like mine. So as long as I cannot get my good moods back, then my life will always remain meaningless and it will always be like that unless there is some way to somehow recover my good moods. To somehow recover from this anhedonia as well as my depression.

But if I have to instead live most or my entire life without my good moods sufficiently or fully back to me, then I am done here. I'm out of this life. I will end my life and that is final. I will have my mom drive me to some place where they can put me to sleep permanently. I was told by my doctor that my anhedonia is a negative symptom of schizophrenia. Negative symptoms of schizophrenia tend to always persist. Even if they do sufficiently or fully recover, they keep coming back again and persist again. If that is the case, then I will end my life.

I had a composing dream I wanted to live for. I have to admit, this would of been the greatest moment of my life only if I had my good moods to bring my life immense good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration from my composing dream. But that is just a pipe dream now. Just when I thought I had the greatest moment of my life to live for, that is when I immediately developed this anhedonia due to depression from a panic disorder (phobias).

I will give up on my composing dream and this life itself since my good moods are all that matter to me and are the only things that can bring my life good meaning from my family, goals/dreams, and this life, nature, and universe. I don't care if I was somehow the next greatest intelligent/creative genius who helped/inspired others all around the world and changed the world. That still would be "dead" (meaningless) to me without my good moods.

But I at least want you to know who I am as a person and the way I think in any event that there can be any possible help for me to somehow find good meaning in my life having depression and anhedonia. I do not think this is possible at all though since I will always think I will always need my good moods to bring my life meaning. So with that being said, I am now going to present to you two different personality types and who I am as a person. It is my inner personality:

Personality Type #1: Wild, free, epic, insane, unstable, transcending, powerful, manic, lethal and dangerous to those who pose name-calling and insult/scorn, profoundly and deeply emotional, only finds good meaning in life through his/her good moods, wishes to always be up and running in a good mood and have a great time, wishes to live an eternal blissful life of no suffering unlike others who would go bored/insane from living such a life, enraged/psychotic, like a wild animal, intense, out of control, not accepting/content of living a depressed/anhedonic life, not much of a moral person at all who finds no good meaning living a moral life who only wishes to be like a free and wild animal in a heightened good mood, would never live life at the expense of his/her good moods and only does things in life to be in a good mood since his/her good moods are the very things that drive/inspire him/her.

Personality Type #2: Humble, sane, stable, non-emotional, poses no harm/danger, in control, intellectual, accepting/content, is completely fine living a settled down intellectual life without good moods and even depressed, highly moral, doesn't need to be up and running in a good mood and can live to just simply focus on and do things, would seek intelligence and the truth and do something with his/her life at the complete expense of his/her good moods, would never be fine living an eternal blissful life and needs/values suffering/intellect over being in a good mood.

There are two brain regions that define each personality type. Personality type #1 needs the brain region known as the Nucleus Accumbens to find good meaning in his/her life which is the brain region responsible for our experience of our good moods. It is a primitive brain region. Our emotional (limbic system) is a primitive system of our brains. Personality type #2 needs the logical thinking area of his/her brain known as the prefrontal cortex. This is the newer evolved brain region.

But personality types 1 and 2 are both enemies and one could never live the life of the other. They are in conflict. They are at odds with one another.

Personality type #1 would say:

"What's so great about this newer evolved thinking brain region? It is so dull, lifeless, and boring! I need to party and have a great time. I need some excitement in my life here. I need to be a constant generating ball of transcending energy through my good moods. How dare you reduce yourself to being nothing more than some lifeless, dull, boring, and bland intellectual machine! You would rather not live an eternal blissful life in a pretend situation and would just rather die as some rotting piece of meat who is prone to suffering/depression to only just forever remain dead in the end? How pathetic!"

Personality type #2 would say:

"What's so great about this lesser evolved primitive brain region responsible for our good moods? It is so animalistic, wild, and primitive! I need some intelligence and moral ways in my life. I need to live my life on the quest for truth, knowledge, making the world a better place, and intelligence at the expense of these primitive instincts. How dare you reduce yourself to nothing more than your primal instincts and nothing more than some primitive and wild animal! You would rather just live your life as some primitive wild animal for all eternity at the expense of your intelligence and morality? How pathetic!"

But I can assure you that if personality type #1 had to live the lifestyle of personality type #2 or if personality type #2 had to live the lifestyle of personality type #1, they would commit suicide. If you were to take away personality type #1's good moods, then he/she can now only live the lifestyle of personality type #2. It is a completely incompatible life for him/her. For that very reason, he/she would end his/her life. It would be the most horrendous life for him/her.

I can easily say the same for personality type #2. If personality type #2 had to live a lifestyle in which his/her thinking/intelligence was all shut down and he/she could not have it anymore and was reduced to living his/her life as personality type #1, then he/she would also become suicidal since this is a lifestyle that is completely incompatible with him/her. It would be the most horrendous life for him/her.

Personality type #1 is a hedonist while personality type #2 is a non-hedonist. But to expect personality type #1 to convert over to personality type #2 would be no different than expecting personality type #2 to convert over to personality type #1. That would never happen. Not in a million years. Personality type #2 would utterly detest personality type #1 and would never want to live a life like that. He/she would view it as utterly inferior and primitive/selfish.

But at the same time, personality type #1 would view personality type #2 as utterly inferior as well. He/she would view it as living like that of nothing more than a lifeless inferior biological machine. So since each personality type views one another as meaningless and inferior, then there is just simply no reason for one to convert over to the other. They would rather die than give up who they are as people. If there is somehow a way for one to convert over to the other, then one would have to somehow find the other to be of greater meaning. I don't think this ever happens. If it does, then I think it is rare and does not apply to me.

Futhermore, to think that I am selfish would be the mental health stigma we all see today against depressed people such as myself. You have absolutely no idea how much I have suffered here. It is through my suffering of depression and anhedonia that has made me realize just how vital our good moods are. At least, for me anyway.

If you call me such names such as childish and selfish (my family and therapist wouldn't since they care about me), then go onto any depression support group forum and call those same depressed/anhedonic people like me these names as well. You will be scorned or even banned by the highly compassionate and supportive staff members of that site. Which just goes to show you here what type of person you are. Now I do not view personality type #2s as inferior human beings or anything like that. I only view the lifestyle of personality type #2 as utterly inferior and meaningless to me. That is, I would and never could be fine/accepting living like that.

But unfortunately, I am living in a personality type #2 universe. Since this life consists of much suffering/depression, suffering/depression is an inevitable part of life, our good moods are things that are very fleeting, death is something inevitable and that once you die, there is no afterlife, then this life is a personality type #2 universe. It is completely incompatible with me. It absolutely calls for a personality type #2 which isn't me at all. I am living a life that isn't who I am. I can't be who I need to be and I can't live the way I need to live.

The only life that is compatible for me would be a personality type #1 universe which, apparently, does not exist and is only a fantasy. It would be a utopia life. An eternal blissful life of no more suffering, depression, and anhedonia. But I am an atheist/materialist and do not believe in the afterlife. It is for this very reason that hedonists are far more miserable than non-hedonists. They are personality type #1s living in a personality type #2 universe.

When a person struggles with a life of depression/anhedonia and knows that when he/she dies that will forever be the end, then if he/she were to think to his/herself that his/her life can still have much good meaning anyway and that what is important in life is the legacy he/she leaves behind and not his/her good moods, then this is a moral non-hedonistic way of life. That life does not agree with me at all. It would drive me to a psychotic rage and end up in me becoming suicidal just as how the moral non-hedonistic individual would also become psychotically enraged/suicidal living a hedonistic life instead (an eternal blissful life of no suffering).

It's almost as if the moral non-hedonists I hate (the ones who call me names such as selfish and childish) have created their own personality type 2 universe and have put me in it just so that I can be a slave to them and their moral non-hedonistic advice/ways of life. It seems so convenient in their favor. I mean, how convenient. It is a life that consists of so much inevitable suffering/depression and that when you die, you die and that is it. No eternal blissful afterlife as a reward. It is the perfect life for a non-hedonist. So how lucky for them! I am a slave to my enemies and they win and I lose!

I wish to have absolutely nothing to do with these people and their non-hedonistic way of life. If only there were some way I could somehow magically transform this universe into a personality type 1 universe in order to make them suffer and for me to be happy for all eternity. Then they would understand how it feels. As for me being an atheist/materialist, I would rather have the deluded belief in an eternal blissful afterlife even if that said life does not actually exist.

This is because I am not the type of person to sacrifice my good moods for wanting to know the truth about this universe. I would just rather have this deluded belief in the afterlife anyway just to give me the thought of hope/comfort and that I would oneday win over my enemies, win over the suffering, death, and depression/anhedonia of this life, and would finally be free for all eternity and live the eternal blissful life I need to live. But I don't think I can ever have this belief since I am an atheist/materialist. I have a very strong conviction of atheism/materialism that I don't think can be persuaded otherwise, unfortunately.

Although I am very intellectual, it is only for the sake of my good moods since they are important to me and are all that matter to me. I am a very intelligent and creative composer. Therefore, my intelligence and creativity is only used for a hedonistic purpose. If I were to be a genius composer right now in a pretend situation and I were to have all these compositions I have made in front of me, then of course I would want to sit there and listen to them all time and time again and share them with others. Any composer would want to do that.

But unlike the non-hedonistic composers who would simply just find immense good meaning in the thought alone of listening and sharing them without their good moods, my sole reason for composing is to get manic highs off of listening and sharing them. That is it. Not to just have the thought that I did something great with my life and not to just sit there and intellectually observe/listen to my compositions without my good moods. I do not wish to be a personality type #2 when living my life and being a composer at all.

This even applies to helping/inspiring others all around the world through my compositions in a pretend situation. As long as I am anhedonic or, even much worse, depressed, then it means nothing to me. Everything in my life is still all completely bleak and "dead" (meaningless). It is all still an empty void that cannot be filled.

It may be irrational to live for our good moods and to think that they are all that give our lives good meaning. That is, it might not make any sense. But we as human beings are not wired rationally. We are hardwired for survival. So I do not care whether my way of life is rational or irrational, my good moods are all that are important to me and give my life good meaning. To not have them would create an empty void in my life.

Only me having my good moods back can fill that empty void once again. My good moods are extremely profound experiences for me and are like a powerful surge of heavenly divine sacred transcending life force. If you are still a personality type #2, then you have not experienced your good moods as profoundly as I have to know that they are really the only things we as human beings have to live for. You are nowhere near as sensitive and profound as me.

If we are in a profound mode of thought, then that will always send a pleasure signal and make us experience a profound good mood. For example, if you had a very profound thought from being out in nature or from helping someone, then that would automatically send a pleasure signal to your Nucleus Accumbens and make you experience a very profound good mood. But just having thoughts alone that are nothing profound will not send the pleasure or displeasure signal. Which means we will not experience good or bad moods from these thoughts.

Therefore, if you are someone who does not feel, then you are nothing profound. You are just like a bland lifeless robot. I wouldn't even consider you a human being. You are in no profound mode of thought. Just simply living your life and nothing more. Not that our thoughts alone are profound experiences for us anyway since they are not. Our good moods are the only profound experiences that give our lives good meaning and it is only our bad moods that are profound experiences that give our lives bad meaning. Having neither our good or bad moods only renders us and our lives having neutral (neither good or bad) value and worth.

You might say to me that there is far more to life than our good moods. But that to me is less. That is nothing to me without my good moods. I could then say the same in return. I could say that there is far more to life than our morals and intelligence alone. That our good moods are the only things that give our lives good meaning. You would then disagree with me and say that our good moods aren't anything. So as you can see here, we are all just different. Everyone is different and each person has a life that is compatible/incompatible with him/her.

I cannot change you just as how you cannot change me either. Therefore, the inevitable result for a personality type #1 living in a personality type #2 universe or a personality type #2 living in a personality type #1 universe is suicide. That is, if I have to live most or my entire life depressed/anhedonic without my good moods. I mean, who would find good meaning living like that? Even though there are depressed/anhedonic people who are able to find good meaning living their lives despite being severely crippled and whatnot, the vast majority of depressed/anhedonic people cannot. I am one of those many people who cannot.

My intellect alone without my good moods is nothing more to me than an intellectual experience as I've said before. It is only thoughts of good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration. But not actually having those things in my life. So I toss away this logical thinking area of the brain that is said to be so new and great by everyone else. It does serve an advantage though. It does keep us alive and prevents us from making foolish choices that could get us and/or others harmed and/or killed. I can also use it for the sake of trying to find ways to recover from my depression/anhedonia and have my good moods back to me.

But the thinking area of our brains alone is only for the sake of living as long as possible to experience as much good moods and as little suffering, depression, and anhedonia as possible. So it would be pursuing your good moods the right way and not in such a way that results in much harm, death, suffering, anhedonia, or depression down the road. It also serves another advantage. If we could only experience our good moods alone without our thinking, then even though they would be profound experiences, they would not be all that profound as they should be.

When we have a very profound thought, then that would give us a good feeling that is far more profound than if we just simply experienced a good mood alone without our thoughts. But here again, the profound thoughts alone in of themselves without our good moods are nothing profound. They are thoughts of a profound experience, but don't actually give us a profound experience without our good and bad moods.

For that very reason, if I had the choice, then I would choose to have a thought version of anhedonia and depression rather than a version that actually turns off my good moods. A version that instead turns off my thinking and memory. I would choose to sacrifice my intelligence and memory for the sake of still having my good moods. So I say, lucky you for those who are non-hedonists. Lucky for you that this thought version of anhedonia and depression does not exist for you.

I have no interest whatsoever in living the intellectual life without my good moods. Even though the logical thinking area of our brains is the more evolved brain region, it does not encourage our survival. It does not give us the mental experience of encouragement. It only makes rationalizations, decisions, and solves problems. But the Nucleus Accumbens is what encourages our survival. It is what motivates, inspires, and gives our lives joy, happiness, etc. You can read up on this very fact somewhere on the internet.

So the thinking area of the brain alone to me is nothing more than a bland and lifeless dull mechanical problem solving/decision making entity. It is the "lifeless machine." But the Nucleus Accumbens is the sacred divine transcending surging potent life force. It is "the power" to me. It is a jolt of surging profound and beautiful life force. I am a powerful, transcending, and epic individual who wishes to compose epic powerful pieces that are transcending.

Therefore, "the power" is what I need in my life. People who are settled and content who seek intelligence need the "lifeless machine" and are fine without "the power." But to live a life with the liking to the "lifeless" machine rather than "the power" is utterly inferior to me since it is being lowered to that of nothing more than a lifeless dead machine.

Our very optimistic acts, tones, and expressions are driven solely by "the power." To express optimistic tones, acts, and expressions without "the power" such as living to help others and pursuing your goals/dreams, then these would be devoid tones, acts, and expressions even though one may not realize that. Many depressed/anhedonic people such as myself do realize this though. Go onto depression forums with people who struggle with depression and anhedonia and you will see exactly what I mean.

"The power" is so life depending and is our only incentive to pursue our goals/dreams, help others, live to experience the life and beauty of this universe, etc. Many animals out in the wild and in the lab rely on "the power." We can clearly see this. Animals live more and more and are more and more encouraged to do more and more things due to "the power" in order to experience more and more of this profound biological rewarding sensation. Without it, then we see what happens to these animals. When they are depressed and/or anhedonic, then they lose interest and give up on their goals, mates, and pursuits. The same thing applies to me.

As a matter of fact, I think that wild animals and animals in the lab are hedonists. Why else would they just give up when they are depressed and don't have their good moods? It is the non-hedonistic moral human being who doesn't give up on life and their goals/dreams when they are depressed/anhedonic after all since they still find good meaning anyway without their good moods. But animals need to be free and wild. They cannot be locked up in cages. So to me, me living the moral non-hedonistic way of life is like locking me up in a cage. I need to be free and wild when living my life and composing. I desperately need to have my good moods.

I wish to have nothing to do with the rules and regulations of others. Their lifestyle has been imposed upon me. The lifestyle of personality type #2. If I had the choice right now, I would just vehemently throw that lifestyle away and laugh/enrage in front of these people's faces. I also feel strongly that personality type #1 is permanently hardwired as a part of my personality and can never be changed.

Furthermore, I have lived my entire life living for my good moods since they are all that give my life good meaning. So I am actually like a heroin addict and drug user. Except that I have done no drugs or heroin in my life. I am instead a heroin addict and a drug user in terms of my own natural chemical highs. I live my life and go into composing musical software just so that I can compose to get high off of my compositions. That is my one and only reason for living and that is my one and only reason for being a composer.

So with that being said, I might have permanently hardwired my brain like that of a heroin addict's since I have lived my entire life for my good moods. I think this type of wiring is often permanent. Notice how when heroin addicts stop taking their heroin, that everything in their lives seems meaningless, "dead," and hopeless to them without their highs. Nothing seems to ever fill that void since they have now permanently hardwired their brains so that they they are forever doomed to always perceiving their good mood highs as being the only things that bring their lives good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and drive/inspiration like me.

Finally, no matter how much focus I have put into other things, I still have not found any good meaning in my life to date and it has been such a long time since I have struggled with depression (years) and anhedonia (over 1 year). So going this route is only going to fail. I have to somehow recover my good moods to actually have good meaning, love, joy, happiness, motivation, and inspiration in my life again.

[Bill Wiltrack]

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“Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder…”– Thoreau -






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[MozartLink]

It has never been any experience of happiness for me (my good moods). Please also read what I said regarding the two different personality types.

[Bill Wiltrack]

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You present yourself as someone who does a LOT of drugs & has A LOT of sex. Is this true?




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[alpha]

sorry to hear this, mozart. i really don't have much to say that would help, just that i can relate to much of what you said.

take care, bro.

@ bill & thoreau; i have given up on pursuing happiness long ago, and it has yet to land on my shoulder.

[MozartLink]

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You present yourself as someone who does a LOT of drugs & has A LOT of sex. Is this true?




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I would never do drugs since they would cause damage to the very thing that gives me my good moods in the first place (my reward system). I would never do something so foolish.

[Lacewing]

MozartLink... you've given this a lot of thought. It's admirable to try to be truthful and aware about oneself. I do think people and their thinking can evolve, as new information and experiences are encountered. There may be a steady thread in all of us, all throughout our lives... but there are so many other threads that can weave in and out as we move along. It's not normal for people to stay the same (it takes a lot of rigidity and focus to do so), so let that be a comfort if possible. I also think that our thoughts significantly affect/direct our physical chemistry and "energetic vibration". That is NOT to say that our ailments are our "fault" -- we may just not know how to do it differently -- AND, perhaps this experience is high-intensity for the exact goal of achieving self-mastery beyond all the rules and conditions we think we are governed by.

I don't know... I'm just guessing. I have experimented and practiced with all of this, myself... which has led me to use the language and make the suggestions that I do. It has seemed to me, from countless experiences and observations throughout life, that there is SO MUCH MORE here to discover and work with than what most people talk about. Maybe that's because it's so wide open and keeps evolving... and people prefer to talk about things they can claim to "know" and pin down? I think it's better if we don't write our story too precisely -- because then we will lock our own selves into whatever limitations we believe in when we write that story.

Have you ever read "Lazy Man's Guide to Enlightenment" by Thaddeus Golas? It may or may not be of interest to you at this point in your life... or ever, but I thought I'd mention it. It's a very small little book with a straight-forward message about vibrations, love, the "trips" we might get on, and how we can move through it and re-attune ourselves. When I've hit some really hard places that I couldn't seem to get out of, I've gone back to this book to "remember".

[MozartLink]

MozartLink... you've given this a lot of thought. It's admirable to try to be truthful and aware about oneself. I do think people and their thinking can evolve, as new information and experiences are encountered. There may be a steady thread in all of us, all throughout our lives... but there are so many other threads that can weave in and out as we move along. It's not normal for people to stay the same (it takes a lot of rigidity and focus to do so), so let that be a comfort if possible. I also think that our thoughts significantly affect/direct our physical chemistry and "energetic vibration". That is NOT to say that our ailments are our "fault" -- we may just not know how to do it differently -- AND, perhaps this experience is high-intensity for the exact goal of achieving self-mastery beyond all the rules and conditions we think we are governed by.

I don't know... I'm just guessing. I have experimented and practiced with all of this, myself... which has led me to use the language and make the suggestions that I do. It has seemed to me, from countless experiences and observations throughout life, that there is SO MUCH MORE here to discover and work with than what most people talk about. Maybe that's because it's so wide open and keeps evolving... and people prefer to talk about things they can claim to "know" and pin down? I think it's better if we don't write our story too precisely -- because then we will lock our own selves into whatever limitations we believe in when we write that story.

Have you ever read "Lazy Man's Guide to Enlightenment" by Thaddeus Golas? It may or may not be of interest to you at this point in your life... or ever, but I thought I'd mention it. It's a very small little book with a straight-forward message about vibrations, love, the "trips" we might get on, and how we can move through it and re-attune ourselves. When I've hit some really hard places that I couldn't seem to get out of, I've gone back to this book to "remember".

Thank you. But I am extremely doubtful that I can ever achieve good meaning in my life without my good moods though due to everything I've just explained. I am really thinking here that I absolutely need and will forever need my good moods no matter what in order to find good meaning in this life since I am personality type #1 and not personality type #2 as I've explained earlier and I find no meaning whatsoever living the lifestyle of personality type #2 just as how personality type #2 would also never find any meaning living the lifestyle of personality type #1.

[Lacewing]

Thank you. But I am extremely doubtful that I can ever achieve good meaning in my life without my good moods though due to everything I've just explained. I am really thinking here that I absolutely need and will forever need my good moods no matter what in order to find good meaning in this life since I am personality type #1 and not personality type #2 as I've explained earlier and I find no meaning whatsoever living the lifestyle of personality type #2 just as how personality type #2 would also never find any meaning living the lifestyle of personality type #1.

Well, that's cool MozartLink... you can define how life is and how it will remain. That IS how most people seem to do it. I'm not sure it has to be that way, but that's MY trip. I wish you well.

[marjoram_blues]

Why do you need someone to talk to?

[Bill Wiltrack]

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It's admirable to try to be truthful and aware about oneself.

Great! What is your name? Do you present yourself on a social media site as yourself? Which social media site are you on?

My first response to your original post was posted in order to feel you out. If you like inner peace & a calm mind you would have responded in a simple definite positive way to that post. You did not.

So I presented you with the opposite parameters; stimulation.

I need someone to talk to

Talking connotes conversation. An honest back& forth. You write an extremely long original post. It reminded me of a typical legal contract; the longer the contract the worse it is for the potential signing party. Your original post has too many if, and or buts. You talk & you do not want to hear a response; you want to ask the question & answer the question.

This is the internet. write something simple. If you cannot describe what your thread is specifically about in three sentences or less you don't know your subject...or your not being honest.


You are not honest.

That goes for every pseudo-philosopher here that uses a phony moniker. You are not a philosopher. You are not being honest and you do not have the fear and desperation in the belly that IS a requirement for honest, philosophical communication.





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[MozartLink]

I am going to now add something else here. If happiness is, in fact, not our good moods, then happiness is absolutely nothing to me then. It gives my life no drive or anything. It is nothing more than an intellectual experience for me. It is all still nothing more than a lifeless and dead biological mechanical experience for me then. I need to be in a powerful and epic mindstate when living my life and composing. Happiness does not cut it at all for me since it is a settled down and content mindstate as you've just said. I absolutely hate being settled down and content. It is utterly inferior and meaningless to me. I always need to be in the high empowered epic mindstate of my good moods since that is who I am. I wish to compose epic masterpieces and so, I also need to be in the mindstate that reflects that which would be my good moods.

Being settled down and content is "down" to me. But being high in a good moods is "up" to me. What is "up" is transcendence. It is a highly empowered and transcended mindstate that gives my life immense good meaning, a sense of power, and epicness when living my life and composing. So I have a personality that is WAY "up" to the point of being psychotically enraged when I don't have my good moods and can only be "down." "Down" is utterly inferior to me since it is lowering me all the way down into some intellectual content and settled down mental state.

My default has always been "up" and will always be up. That is how I have always found good meaning in my life and that was always my one and only way of finding good meaning in my life throughout my whole entire life. Please do not tell me anything such as that I can still have good meaning in my life without my good moods anymore. I am now to the point where I am very likely to go into a full psychotic rage here and destroy objects around me. After hearing what you just said that happiness is not our good moods and that I can't have my good moods back as long as I still have depression/anhedonia, that has made this the final straw now.

[Lacewing]

If you cannot describe what your thread is specifically about in three sentences or less you don't know your subject...or your not being honest.

You are not honest.

Would it be better, Bill, to insert a bunch of stupid and unnecessary images in a post for people to have to skip over to get to any meaningful discussion? Is that a more preferable and "honest" form of excess?

That goes for every pseudo-philosopher here that uses a phony moniker. You are not a philosopher. You are not being honest and you do not have the fear and desperation in the belly that IS a requirement for honest, philosophical communication.

You're so full of crap. There are many good reasons why people aren't stupid enough to put their real name on the frickin' internet, even though they want to engage in thoughtful conversations with others. You, of all people, want to accuse people of not having honest, philosophical communication?? And you think using your real name somehow indicates that's what YOU DO?

[MozartLink]

So you are telling me that you would somehow manage to find good meaning in your life if you had to live a life that you find to be of no value/meaning and that the one and only life that you found profound meaning in was taken away from you? So you would actually find good meaning living an imagined hedonistic lifestyle in which you could not help others, could not pursue knowledge/intelligence and make the world a better place, and could only live to experience your good moods? Well, good luck on that one I say.

Now you know how I feel. I can't live the life that brings me value and meaning and I can't live who I am. Personality type #1 is who I am and what I live for. It is the very source of all my power, epicness, good meaning, joy, inspiration, and happiness in living and being a composer. Don't take that away from me. Taking away the lifestyle of someone that suits their personality to where they can no longer live as that said personality anymore is the worst thing you could do.

There is no good meaning or joy/happiness to be had in the lifestyle of personality type #2 for me. I utterly detest the lifestyle of personality type #2, wish to have nothing to do with it, and would rather end my life than live it. I would vehemently dispose of it right now if I had the choice. I will say it one last time. I wish to have absolutely NOTHING to do with personality type #2 nor being an atheist/materialist.

I would want to live a blissful life here on earth and believe that when I die, that I will have an eternal blissful afterlife for me as well since that is the one and only life that would bring me the greatest good meaning since it would be a life in which I would have my good moods for all eternity and no more suffering, depression, and anhedonia. Here again, I would rather have this belief regardless of whether there is or is not actually an afterlife. Just having this belief would give me thoughts of hope, power, and comfort anyway.

[marjoram_blues]

Why do you need someone to talk to?

No need to answer - no matter which 'personality type'.
Clearly, it's to have fun.