An actual Christian.
The C of E has also been called, "Catholicism without the Pope." Again, you just don't know what you're talking about, I'm afraid. Consult John Locke, for a start...then consult all those groups you dismiss...the Anabaptists, the Quakers, the evangelicals...and see what they believe about that.The Church of England definitely did impose their beliefs onto the Puritans.
So you don't want to know the truth? Okay. I can't force you. And if you want to force all your knowledge to fit your Islamic suppositions, I guess you can. I can't stop you from being wrong.
But think of this in relation to Islam, if that's all you can do. There are two major divisions: the Sunnis and the Shia. They hate each other quite passionately. They don't have the same "prophets," or recognize the same authorities. They won't acknowledge each other's mosques, in many cases -- I know, I've asked. But then, what about the Ahmadis? What about the Bahai? you probably don't consider them even Muslim. What about the Sufis?
You see, if it makes a difference what sect of Islam a person holds, why does it make no difference to you what differences exist within the group that calls themselves "Christian"?