Quote of the day

[iambiguous]

Suicide...

“I’m happy to just be able to come across things. I don’t need to be happy. Happiness is a kind of cheap word. Let’s face it, I’m not the kind of cat that’s going to cut off an ear if I can’t do something. I would commit suicide. I would shoot myself in the brain if things got bad. I would jump from a window…you know, I can think about death openly. It’s nothing to fear. It’s nothing sacred. I’ve seen so many people die. Life’s not sacred either” Bob Dylan

On the other hand: "You who are so good with words...and at keeping things vague."

“I'd spend about an hour, my room darkening around me, wondering what the hell happened to make me so unsure of who I even was. Because who you are is supposed to be the easiest question in the world to answer, right? Only for me it hadn't been easy for a very long time.” Jennifer Brown

Well, that makes [at least] two of us.

“They say that if you really want to kill yourself, no one can stop you. There are too many ways to do it. You can jump off a bridge or a building. You can hang yourself. You can crash a car or slit your wrists or swim out really far into the ocean until you drown. Sometimes I wonder why I'm not dead, if I really wanted to kill myself.” Albert Borris

Uh, let's not go there?

“One of the things that therapists do if you are suicidal, like a trick, is ask you about the future. They want to know what your plans are. Do you want to be the president? Do you want to be a rock star? They want to know if you want to live later even if you want to die now.” Albert Borris

That trick ever work on anyone here?

“Mind led body
to the edge of the precipice.
They stared in desire
at the naked abyss.
If you love me, said mind,
take that step into silence.
If you love me, said body,
turn and exist.” Anne Stevenson

Talk about psychosomatic!

“I wonder if it will rain after we die. When you kill yourself, you don't know what happens next, afterward.” Albert Borris

More to the point, he suspected, you don't want to know.

[iambiguous]

George Eliot from Middlemarch

We are all humiliated by the sudden discovery of a fact which has existed very comfortably and perhaps been staring at us in private while we have been making up our world entirely without it.

How about...dasein?

Character is not cut in marble - it is not something solid and unalterable. It is something living and changing, and may become diseased as our bodies do.

Until, of course, one person's disease becomes another person's cure.

Sane people did what their neighbors did, so that if any lunatics were at large, one might know and avoid them.

Me for example?

The troublesome ones in a family are usually either the wits or the idiots.

Next up: our family here.

A prig is a fellow who is always making you a present of his opinions.

To foe or not to foe...

Explain! Tell a man to explain how he dropped into hell! Explain my preference! I never had a preference for her, any more than I have a preference for breathing. No other woman exists by the side of her. I would rather touch her hand if it were dead, than I would touch any other woman's living.

That never happen to you?

[iambiguous]

Elephant in the post office, elephant in the school, elephant in the theater.

Elephant

Girl in Cafeteria: What are you writing?
Alex: Uh, this? It's my plan.
Girl in Cafeteria: For what?
Alex: Oh, you'll see.

Provided she survives of course.

Alex: [after Eric gets into the shower with him] Well this is it. We're gonna die today. I've never even kissed anyone before, have you?

Priorities, right?

Nathan: You're fuckin' sick. Don't do this.
Alex: Eeny, meeny, miney, moe.

At least it was a tiger's toe.

[We follow Benny down the hallway and watch as he comes upon Eric berating and standing over Mr. Luce]
Eric: Yeah, you did, and I should shoot you right now for it, you know I should. But I think I just might let you live, maybe, because I want you to know this... and the next kids that come up to you with their problems... that they're being picked on, you should listen to them... no matter what twisted shit they say.
Eric: [Turns and shoots Benny through the heart] Fuck! Anyway, Mr. Luce, whatever. You know there are others like us out there, too. And they will kill you if you fuck with them like you did me and Jared. Get out of here, before I change my mind. Go!
Eric: [Mr. Luce gets up and runs for his life. Eric changes his mind and shoots him down] Bitch!

Repeat as necessary

Alex: So foul and fair a day I have not seen.

And never will again as it turned out.

Alex: At that time, there should be kids flushing out in all directions and well be able to pick them off one by one. Then, after that, you'll hit your yellow line here, which is your plan B. You'll go up through Mr. Luce's office and take care of all that. While I go, on the red line, up through this hallway where we'll have the best targets, dumb-ass jocks and shit. We'll have a fucking field day down there. I mean, come on. You've got your tec-9 and your rifle and I've got my shotgun and my .223 on my back. And I got a couple of pistols and a knife. We have enough explosives to last us almost a day. Most importantly, have fun, man.

They did seem to.

[iambiguous]

Elephant in the post office, elephant in the school, elephant in the theater.

Elephant

Girl in Cafeteria: What are you writing?
Alex: Uh, this? It's my plan.
Girl in Cafeteria: For what?
Alex: Oh, you'll see.

Provided she survives of course.

Alex: [after Eric gets into the shower with him] Well this is it. We're gonna die today. I've never even kissed anyone before, have you?

Priorities, right?

Nathan: You're fuckin' sick. Don't do this.
Alex: Eeny, meeny, miney, moe.

At least it was a tiger's toe.

[We follow Benny down the hallway and watch as he comes upon Eric berating and standing over Mr. Luce]
Eric: Yeah, you did, and I should shoot you right now for it, you know I should. But I think I just might let you live, maybe, because I want you to know this... and the next kids that come up to you with their problems... that they're being picked on, you should listen to them... no matter what twisted shit they say.
Eric: [Turns and shoots Benny through the heart] Fuck! Anyway, Mr. Luce, whatever. You know there are others like us out there, too. And they will kill you if you fuck with them like you did me and Jared. Get out of here, before I change my mind. Go!
Eric: [Mr. Luce gets up and runs for his life. Eric changes his mind and shoots him down] Bitch!

Repeat as necessary

Alex: So foul and fair a day I have not seen.

And never will again as it turned out.

Alex: At that time, there should be kids flushing out in all directions and well be able to pick them off one by one. Then, after that, you'll hit your yellow line here, which is your plan B. You'll go up through Mr. Luce's office and take care of all that. While I go, on the red line, up through this hallway where we'll have the best targets, dumb-ass jocks and shit. We'll have a fucking field day down there. I mean, come on. You've got your tec-9 and your rifle and I've got my shotgun and my .223 on my back. And I got a couple of pistols and a knife. We have enough explosives to last us almost a day. Most importantly, have fun, man.

They did seem to.

[iambiguous]

Nihilism...

“As joy dwindles with the years
I wistfully recall
When the christmas tree
Looked ten feet tall
And the presents under it
Seemed endless
And more
Than mere wrapping paper.” Justin Wetch

Yo, Santa Claus!

“He thinks and speaks with a ruthlessness that makes no attempt to find dialectical excuses for the eternal uncertainty of humankind. Anyone who claims that truth is dependent on usefulness, anyone who openly admits that knowing and believing are essentially the same for limited beings such as humans, is clearly a nihilist in a class of his own.” Juli Zeh

Start here: https://ilovephilosophy.com/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=198732


“Unmitigated Blackness is coming to the realization that as fucked up and meaningless as it all is, sometimes it’s the nihilism that makes life worth living.” Paul Beatty

Not unlike unmitigated Whiteness, Redness, Yellowness and Brownness.

“Each day was like the next. And even though we looked forward all week to the weekend, the weekend was always still a disappointment, and then it was Monday again and everything started over, and that was how life was, and there was nothing else. We began to understand what Pierre Anthon meant. We began to understand why grown-ups looked the way they did. And although we'd sworn we'd never become like them, that was exactly what was happening. We weren't even fifteen yet. Thirteen, fourteen, adult. Dead.” Janne Teller

Isn't today Monday?

“Yet I loathe the thought of annihilating myself quite as much now as I ever did. I think with sadness of all the books I’ve read, all the places I’ve seen, all the knowledge I’ve amassed and that will be no more. All the music, all the paintings, all the culture, so many places: and suddenly nothing. ... If it had at least enriched the earth; if it had given birth to… what? A hill? A rocket? But no. Nothing will have taken place. I can still see the hedge of hazel trees flurried by the wind and the promises with which I fed my beating heart while I stood gazing at the gold-mine at my feet: a whole life to live. The promises have all been kept. And yet, turning an incredulous gaze towards that young and credulous girl, I realise with stupor how much I was gypped.” Simone de Beauvoir

And, yes, youth is still wasted on the young. Especially here.

“He wrote arguments for and against life; he began to think the slowest and most painful form of suicide was living, running the whole decathlon of suffering, no breather or bottled water. Fear of dying was irrational. Death was utilitarian. Decrease in net resource consumption and planetary suffering. Increase in net comedy. There was no afterlife but there was a right-before-death, and medical research said it was loopy and nice, all white lights and gentle voices. With booze it wasn't even scary. Some people with terrible lives didn't kill themselves, but that didn't mean they shouldn't. Most people weren't alive and didn't mind. You couldn't regret it.” Tony Tulathimutte

Fit yourself in there somewhere. Then get back to me.

[iambiguous]

God...

“Without God, life has no purpose, and without purpose, life has no meaning. Without meaning, life has no significance or hope.” Rick Warren

Essentially as it were.

“He was a wise man who invented God.” Plato

Formally as it were.

“God's only excuse is that he does not exist” Stendhal

Next up: He does exist.

“You’re like a lighthouse shining beside the sea of humanity, motionless: all you can see is your own reflection in the water. You’re alone, so you think it’s a vast, magnificent panorama. You haven’t sounded the depths. You simply believe in the beauty of God’s creation. But I have spent all this time in the water, diving deep into the howling ocean of life, deeper than anyone. While you were admiring the surface, I saw the shipwrecks, the drowned bodies, the monsters of the deep.” Alfred De Musset

Of course, what did he know about "God's Will", right?

“Every man is a divinity in disguise, a god playing the fool.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

I know what you're thinking: what if it's every woman too?

“I have too much respect for the idea of God to make it responsible for such an absurd world.” Georges Duhamel

The idea of God? Not much that doesn't cover, of course.

[iambiguous]

Inception

Cobb: What is the most resilient parasite? Bacteria? A virus? An intestinal worm? An idea. Resilient... highly contagious. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it's almost impossible to eradicate. An idea that is fully formed - fully understood - that sticks; right in there somewhere.

Memes let's call them.

Cobb: I need to get home. That's all I care about right now.
Ariadne: Why can't you go home?
Cobb: Because they think I killed her.
Ariadne: [silence]
Cobb: Thank you.
Ariadne: For what?
Cobb: For not asking whether I did.

Or dreamed he did?

Eames: [Shows up while Arthur is in a gunfight] You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.
[Pulls out a grenade launcher]

Or a bazooka?

Ariadne: What's happening?
Arthur: Your subconscious is looking for the dreamer; me. Quick, give me a kiss.
Ariadne: [She kisses him and then looks around]
Ariadne: They're still looking at us.
Arthur: Yeah, it was worth a shot.

Or: "Quick, fuck me."

Saito: Don't you want to take a leap of faith? Or become an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die alone!

Dream on?

Cobb: I can't stay with her anymore because she doesn't exist.
Mal: I'm the only thing you do believe in anymore.
Cobb: I wish. I wish more than anything. But I can't imagine you with all your complexity, all you perfection, all your imperfection. Look at you. You are just a shade of my real wife. You're the best I can do; but I'm sorry, you are just not good enough.

Next up: she is good enough.

[iambiguous]

Existentialism...

“To be a man, to live here in this world, is to be put on trial.” Søren Kierkegaard

Pick one:
1] guilty as charged and tossed for a few years in prison
2] guilty as charged and tossed for all of eternity in Hell

“I once spent a weekend on Earth,
With two men (of Science and God)
One man convinced me I did not exist,
And the other that I was a fraud.
In both men I saw the same reason,
In both men I saw the same light.
So, I left for another dimension,
Assuming that both men were right."
The Alien” C. Sean McGee

What would you have done?

“We are all made of liquid and slippery organs. Life was improbable. Fragile. It was only a matter of time before something ripped us up and ruined us and we died. It didn't take anything for me to kill the shrimp.” Maria Ingrande Mora

Slippery organs...great.

“Techistentialism studies the nature of human beings, existence, and decision-making in our technological world.” Roger Spitz

Now you know.

“Fear of death is not wisdom, since no one knows whether death may not be the greater good.” Bertrand Russell

Place your wagers!

“Even in exile, or because in exile, there are still certain things that man can do that God cannot, like kill himself, or make wine.” Neel Burton

No, seriously, what if He does kill Himself?

[iambiguous]

Albert Camus from The Fall

You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question.

Really? I dare you to try that here!

I used to advertise my loyalty and I don't believe there is a single person I loved that I didn't eventually betray.

Can you say that?

I love life - that’s my real weakness. I love it so much that I am incapable of imagining what is not life.

Right up until January 4, 1960. Since then, nothing. Or, rather, nothing that I am aware of.

Don't lies eventually lead to the truth? And don't all my stories, true or false, tend toward the same conclusion? Don't they all have the same meaning? So what does it matter whether they are true or false if, in both cases, they are significant of what I have been and what I am? Sometimes it is easier to see clearly into the liar than into the man who tells the truth. Truth, like light, blinds. Falsehood, on the contrary, is a beautiful twilight that enhances every object.

Pick two:
1] brilliant
2] ridiculous

We are all exceptional cases. We all want to appeal against something! Each of us insists on being innocent at all cost, even if he has to accuse the whole human race and heaven itself.

With absolutely no exceptions!!!

God is not needed to create guilt or to punish. Our fellow men suffice, aided by ourselves. You were speaking of the Last Judgement. Allow me to laugh respectfully. I shall wait for it resolutely, for I have known what is worse, the judgement of men. For them, no extenuating circumstances; even the good intention is ascribed to crime. Have you at least heard of the spitting cell, which a nation recently thought up to prove itself the greatest on earth? A walled-up box in which the prisoner can stand without moving. The solid door that locks him in the cement shell stops at chin level. Hence only his face is visible, and every passing jailer spits copiously on it. The prisoner, wedged into his cell, cannot wipe his face, though he is allowed, it is true. to close his eyes. Well, that, mon cher, is a human invention. They didn't need God for that little masterpiece.

What the Nazis called a "standing cell". And whatever they called it at Abu Ghraib. Also, no doubt, Satan has thousands of them in Hell.

[iambiguous]

Fargo

Marge Gunderson: [to Gaear] So, that was Mrs. Lundegaard on the floor in there. And I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper. And those three people in Brainerd. And for what? For a little bit of money? There's more to life than a little money, you know. Don'tcha know that? And here ya are, and it's a beautiful day. Well. I just don't understand it.

Probably because she's not a sociopath herself.

Officer Olson: What'd this guy look like, anyway?
Mr. Mohra: Oh, he was a little guy... Kinda funny lookin'.
Officer Olson: Uh-huh. In what way?
Mr. Mohra: Oh, just in a general kinda way.

That did seem to be the consensus:

Marge Gunderson: Okay, I want you to tell me what these fellas looked like.
Hooker No. 1: Well, the little guy was kinda funny-lookin'.
Marge Gunderson: In what way?
Hooker No. 1: I dunno, just funny-lookin'.
Marge Gunderson: Can you be any more specific?
Hooker No. 1: I couldn't really say. He wasn't circumcised.
Marge Gunderson: [amused by this unhelpful detail] Was he funny lookin' apart from that?
Hooker No. 1: Yah.
Marge Gunderson: So, you were havin' sex with the little fellow, then.
Hooker No. 1: Uh huh.

She was kinda funny looking too though.

Marge Gunderson: Say, Lou, didya hear the one about the guy who couldn't afford personalized plates, so he went and changed his name to J3L2404?
Lou: Yah, that's a good one.

On the other hand: https://youtu.be/t_ux_5CcleM?si=6GVCJtGZGfpKjBO1

Jerry Lundegaard: You're darn tootin'!

You know, like me being darn tootin' about dasein here.

Airport Lot Attendant: There's a minimum charge of four dollars. Long-term parking charges by the day.
Carl Showalter: I guess you think you're... you know, like an authority figure, with that stupid fuckin' uniform, huh buddy? King clip-on-tie there, big fuckin' man, huh? You know these are the limits of your life, man! The rule of your little fuckin' gate here!
[gives the attendant the money]
Carl Showalter: Here's your four dollars, you pathetic piece of shit!

Carl does have a point though.

[iambiguous]

Absurd...

“Suppose someone to assert: The gostak distims the doshes. You do not know what this means; nor do I. But if we assume that it is English, we know that the doshes are distimmed by the gostak. We know too that one distimmer of doshes is a gostak. If, moreover, the doshes are galloons, we know that some galloons are distimmed by the gostak. And so we may go on, and so we often do go on.” C. K. Ogden and I. A. Richards

Next up: distimming dasein.

“I exalt man be-fore what crushes him, and my freedom, my revolt, and my passion come together then in that tension, that lucidity, and that vast repetition.” Albert Camus

Existential gibberish?

“Sometimes the best pizza is sushi. That’s where I go to get my haircut. Discounts available for fish with fur.” Jarod Kintz

Nope, nothing like that at all in Baltimore.

“I hate fake people. You know what I’m talking about. Mannequins.” Jarod Kintz

On the other hand: https://youtu.be/664i1RE5_44?si=3TJt150mLFm5U_nP

“People are eager to hear good news. But, whose good news?!” Ljupka Cvetanova

Also: “People are reluctant to hear bad news. But, whose bad news?!”

“You’ve got your answer then, haven’t you?'
Lydia nods. She has. She knew it all along. But sometimes it takes an artificially intelligent simulation of a long dead Beatle to put things in perspective.” Eddie Robson

That ever happen to you? John, right?

[iambiguous]

Philosophy...

“People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do; but what they don't know is what what they do does.” Michel Foucault

Unless, perhaps, it's all done up in the intellectual clouds?

“...belief is the death of intelligence.” Robert Anton Wilson

So, do you believe that?

“You show me a capitalist, and I'll show you a bloodsucker.” Malcom X

Pick two:
1] he goes too far
2] he doesn't go far enough

“Freedom in capitalist society always remains about the same as it was in ancient Greek republics: Freedom for slave owners.” Vladimir Lenin

Pick two:
1] he goes too far
2] he doesn't go far enough

“If you don't want a man unhappy politically, don't give him two sides to a question to worry him; give him one. Better yet, give him none. Let him forget there is such a thing as war. If the government is inefficient, top-heavy, and tax-mad, better it be all those than that people worry over it. Peace, Montag. Give the people contests they win by remembering the words to more popular songs or the names of state capitals or how much corn Iowa grew last year. Cram them full of noncombustible data, chock them so damned full of 'facts' they feel stuffed, but absolutely 'brilliant' with information. Then they'll feel they're thinking, they'll get a sense of motion without moving. And they'll be happy, because facts of that sort don't change.” Ray Bradbury

And, you're darn tootin', the equivalent of that here.

“I don't deserve a soul, yet I still have one. I know because it hurts.” Douglas Coupland

Well, something "in there" hurts.

[iambiguous]

The Ice Storm

Paul Hood: I've been thinking, Francis. You are one drug-addled, elitist freak. And when the revolution comes I do not want to be lined up with you and shot because you're fucking ripe for political reeducation. You know, like in the fields.
Francis Davenport: Let me enlighten you about something here. You and I exist on opposite sides of a great existential divide, that being your pathetic virginity on the one hand and my astonishing number of sexual conquests on the other. You're simply jealous.

Actually, you can't rule that out can you?

Sandy Carver: Where are you going?
Mikey Carver: Out.
Sandy Carver: Its freezing!
Mikey Carver: Yeah
Sandy Carver: Then why are you going?
Mikey Carver: When it's freezing, because it means the molecules aren't moving, so when you breathe, there's nothing in the air, you know. You breathe into your body, the molecules have stopped. It's clean.

You know, if that's actually true.

Paul Hood: Libbets? Hey, Dostoyevsky - I'm also really a fan. And, uh, what you were saying, you know - have you ever read "The Idiot"?
Libbets Casey: "The ldiot"?
Paul Hood: If you liked "Notes From Underground", you'll love "The ldiot".
Libbets Casey: Great. Thanks for the tip.
Paul Hood: "The ldiot"!

Of course, as we all know, Libbets was once married to an idiot.

Janey Carver: I'll be back.
Ben Hood: Hmm?
Janey Carver: Birth control.
Ben Hood: Right. Gotcha.
[he drinks and takes his pants off leaving him wearing nothing but boxer shorts and socks. He heads to the bedroom doorway]
Ben Hood: Janey?
[hears car starting. He looks at the window through the blinds seeing that Janey is going somewhere leaving Ben all alone]

Cue the key party?

Libbets Casey: What Dostoyevsky is saying here is that to be a Christian is to choose because you have to choose of your own choice. And since you can't choose to do good, because that'd be too rational, you have to choose to do bad. It's existential.

Next up: to be a Scientologist.

Dorothy Franklin: And to think - they met at a key party of all things.
Elena Hood: A key party?
Dorothy Franklin: Oh, you know, it's a California thing. That scuzzy husband of hers dragged her kicking and screaming to one when they were out in L.A. You know, the men put their car keys in a bowl, and then at the end of the evening the women line up and fish them out and whoever's they got they go home with. Anyhow that's how she met this Rod person or whatever his name is. He's left his wife and she's packing for California and Irwin is devastated. It's so ironic.
Janey Carver: Ironic?
Dorothy Franklin: Well, yes, ironic. His name's Rod.

That's what we need here...a key party.

[iambiguous]

Harold S. Kushner from When Bad Things Happen to Good People

Wilder offers this as his explanation of why good people have to suffer in this life. God has a pattern into which all of our lives fit. His pattern requires that some lives be twisted, knotted, or cut short, while others extend to impressive lengths, not because one thread is more deserving than another, but simply because the pattern requires it.

Of course! The Pattern!!

If a human artist or employer made children suffer so that something immensely impressive or valuable could come to pass, we would put him in prison. Why then should we excuse God for causing such undeserved pain, no matter how wonderful the ultimate result may be?

New thread?

I would not venture to predict the path of a hurricane on the basis of which communities deserve to be lashed and which ones to be spared.

Well, we don't call them "acts of God" for nothing.
On the other hand...

For me, the earthquake is not an “act of God.” The act of God is the courage of people to rebuild their lives after the earthquake, and the rush of others to help them in whatever way they can.

Go ahead, actually believe that!

In Homer’s Odyssey, there is a passage in which Ulysses meets Calypso, a sea princess and a child of the gods. Calypso, a divine being, is immortal. She will never die. She is fascinated by Ulysses, never having met a mortal before.

Anyone immortal here?

There is no message in all of that. There is no reason for those particular people to be afflicted rather than others. These events do not reflect God’s choices. They happen at random, and randomness is another name for chaos, in those corners of the universe where God’s creative light has not yet penetrated. And chaos is evil; not wrong, not malevolent, but evil nonetheless, because by causing tragedies at random, it prevents people from believing in God’s goodness.

Unless, of course, God Himself is just another manifestation of the only possible world.

[iambiguous]

Osamu Dazai from No Longer Human

My definition of a "respected" man was one who had succeeded almost completely in hoodwinking people, but who was finally seen through by some omniscient, omnipotent person who ruined him and made him suffer a shame worse than death.

Of course, your definition might be different.

To tell the truth, when I first came to the city, I was afraid to board a streetcar because of the conductor; I was afraid to enter the Kabuki Theatre for fear of the usherettes standing along the sides of the red-carpeted staircase at the main entrance; I was afraid to go into a restaurant because I was intimidated by the waiters furtively hovering behind me waiting for my plate to be emptied. Most of all I dreaded paying a bill--my awkwardness when I handed over the money after buying something did not arise from any stinginess, but from excessive tension, excessive embarrassment, excessive uneasiness and apprehension. My eyes would swim in my head, and the whole world grow dark before me, so that I felt half out of my mind.

Of course, your experiences might be different.

I have always shook with fright before human beings. Unable I was in my ability to speak and act like a human being, I kept my solitary agonies locked in my breast. I kept my melancholy and my agitation hidden, careful lest any trace should be left exposed.

Me? Sort of.

I could believe in Hell but it was impossible for me to believe in the existence of Heaven.

Unless, of course, for some, it's the other way around. Right, Ierrellus?

I had been so terrorized by scientific statistics (if ten million people each leave over three grains of rice from their lunch, how many sacks of rice are wasted in one day; if ten million people each economize one paper handkerchief a day, how much pulp will be saved?) that whenever I left over a single grain of rice, whenever I blew my nose, I imagined that I was wasting mountains of rice, tons of paper, and I fell prey to a mood dark as if I had committed some terrible crime. But these were the lies of science, the lies of statistics and mathematics: you can't collect three grains of rice from everybody.

Cue Ecmandu? No, really.

All I feel are the assaults of apprehension and terror at the thought that I am the only one who is entirely unlike the rest.

That's not what I feel at all. Unless, of course, it is.