Funny things in your life involving you or friends

[attofishpi]

As most of you would be aware by now, I am extremely immature for my age (probably > 1000 years old..reincarnation and all that)

So I was doing tech support for our offshore reps and someone had told me a few weeks ago that there was an Indian rep with the name Sukdeep, which naturally, I found hilarious.

One day, just another day at work I answered the phone and looked at the LCD display on the phone which said: Sukdeep.

Well. I put the phone on mute as I attempted to control my laughter, and after about ten seconds I came to the conclusion that attempting to talk to Sukdeep was no longer going to be possible.

I hung up on him and prayed to God he never strayed my way again.

[attofishpi]

Actually, I think his name might have been Gaggindeep. My memory is getting shit, gonna have to see the Qantum Mechanic (God)

[promethean75]

Bloody hell it's gonna blow!!

https://streamable.com/zm21r5

[attofishpi]

So I am in Kolkata staying at the lovely Oberoi Hotel, and wow!

I go to use the toilet in my room for a twinkle, and before I unzip my flies I lift the seat up, and found it to be slighly sprung making it difficult to place in an upright position.
I notice a metal handle that appears to be a way to loosen or tighten the hinge mechanism of the toilet seat, so I reach down and give it a turn. To my surprise I see a little nozzle pop out from the rear of the toilet (from under the rim) and it dawns on me...but too late!!

I got squirted in the bollocks by a water jet that is supposed to clean yer arse! So my pants are all wet now in the crutch as a roll around the bathroom laughing.

[Agent Smith]

This is an instance of a much bigger problem on our hands. It's not necessarily the lion that's bounding towards you, fangs bared, that you should be worried about, si?

Wrong thread!

[Toppsy Kretts]

Once i took a full Xanax bar and damn near time traveled. i had takin the bar and damn near 15 minutes after the swallow i woke up the next day in my apartment around 2 o'clock in the morning with 2 random people in my bed and i was laying on the edge of my bed, woke up as i said and laid in my closet filled with clothes. which was surprisingly comfortable. i woke up that morning with my best friend in my room with his new bitch at the time and i had apparently said last night when he texted me for a place to stay that it was completely fine for him to crash at my place with his chick

i woke up that morning and about knocked over my buddies dab rig. And he had informed me that the last night i was dancing and "shmoovin" around his dab rig on one of my little table stools he had set it on, like we usually do. The next morning i almost knocked it over Twice!! sober.

he had also told me last night whenever i arrived back home i had a a pack of cigarettes and spilt them all over my apartment stairs outside, and then the next morning i had went down the stairs and saw the smokes on the ground and went "Holt shit, God blessed me with some cigarettes"!! He started laughing.

That was one of my favorite times with my friend

#drugs

[promethean75]

around 97 i wuz at a college keg party bonfire and this girl had liquid LSD in an eye dropper and she wuz sellin hits (one drop). well i bought one and as the girl wuz getting ready to put a drop on my tongue, these drunk guys were horsing around behind us and one of em bumped into her right as she squeezed the dropper. i got a solid SQUIRT of that shit, bro. she only charged me for one hit obviously becuz that wasn't my fault.

#drugs

[attofishpi]

Well, since its #drugs...

A friend of ours is quite a cook (food) and so made a nice curry out of psychedelic mushrooms. Very tasty.

Now, the friend I mention on page 1 - he looks like 3D Homer Simpson...and always pulled the girls. (bastard)

So the mushys kicked in and we go outside and jump in to his now glowing *bright yellow Ford Cortina. I turn to look at him, and he knows exactly what I am thinking- Homer f'ing Simpson!! - we now have uncontrollable laughter..

I suddenly realise I am going to puke so I open the door and start doing so. As the vomit makes its way to the road I see little 'gremlin' dudes in the puke looking back at me as they dissapear into a splatter onto the tarmac - bloody hilarious - WEE!! WEEE!!!!

Anyway, eventually we both compose ourselves and drive to the deli on the corner. We go into the shop and stand at the counter with a woman wondering what puchase we would like to make...when again, we just burst out in hysterical laughter..and run from the shop.

#SAYNOTODRUGS !!

[attofishpi]

I used to go to this AWESOME Goth club called the Proscenium. It was a rather small club with two floors, wooded floor boards, mirror ball, CO2 'smoke' Brit pop etc.. fucking loved it. Enzo owned it, his brother Tony worked behind the bar and once I needed a pipe to smoke some weed and so walked to the bar and asked Tony if he had a pipe I could borrow, he did. I walked back to a round black table on a small stage, the DJ saw what I was about to do and let the CO2 smoke me out as I lit up..

..anyway, that's not the funny part and I am certain most people on the forum won't find my story particularly amusing.

I always parked in the same multi-storey car park about 50m from the venue and occasionally if I was particularly drunk would sleep it off in my car. So this one night I awoke with a terrible need to poo. I jumped out of my car and thought 'oh shit..shit, shit..'

I walked to the exit door, on about the 3rd floor stairwell and thought this is where I am going to shit (no choice in the matter), but noticed a discarded newspaper. As one that has worked in every kind of SHIT job, I contemplated the poor soul that would have to deal with my emergency evacuation of excrement, so I laid out some sheets of newspaper, dropped my pants and did a poo...

When I stood up and looked down upon my offence I was AMAZED!

The poo was precisely the shape of the question mark in the cover of Jesus Jones album (one of my favourites) DOUBT...even with the little dropping at the bottom..



U C ?

Atto shits question marks..

DO_U_BT?

(BT is my true initials - for the uninitiated)

www.androcies.com

Je sus EVERYTHING

[nemos]

As a child, my friends and I liked to look for satellites and familiar constellations in the night sky.
My favorite constellation was Casseopeia, so I always started with its 5-star arrangement in a "W" shape.
That evening, to my disappointment, I could not find it. But I found one that was very similar, only missing one outer star on the right side.
Putting aside my sad thoughts, I began to look for satellites, and found one, which, at the moment I noticed it, was shooting from the outer right star in the "incomplete Casseopeia" constellation. I immediately drew the attention of my friends to the satellite I had found.
What was my surprise when this satellite flew some distance and stopped, creating a real and complete "W" together with the "incomplete Casseopeia".

[Walker]

As a child, my friends and I liked to look for satellites and familiar constellations in the night sky.
My favorite constellation was Casseopeia, so I always started with its 5-star arrangement in a "W" shape.
That evening, to my disappointment, I could not find it. But I found one that was very similar, only missing one outer star on the right side.
Putting aside my sad thoughts, I began to look for satellites, and found one, which, at the moment I noticed it, was shooting from the outer right star in the "incomplete Casseopeia" constellation. I immediately drew the attention of my friends to the satellite I had found.
What was my surprise when this satellite flew some distance and stopped, creating a real and complete "W" together with the "incomplete Casseopeia".

That's amazing. Do you think it was a coincidence? Any explanations as to how a satellite could do that?

[attofishpi]

That's amazing.

Walker, what is amazing is that you have managed to post 12930 posts of pure crap.

I mean, even an average American should be impressed at the garbage that your fingertips are capable of.

[nemos]

That's amazing. Do you think it was a coincidence? Any explanations as to how a satellite could do that?

Apparently it was not a satellite, but who could have imagined it? I did not find an explanation. I even went as far as university trying to contact smart men, got a version of air lenses that refract light and slowly lose their effect as they diffuse. Just didn't believe it, because air lenses can hardly be so precise as to work on only one star without leaving any effect on a neighboring one.