Quote of the day

[iambiguous]

The Onion

Gates Foundation Unveils Initiative To Give Starving Africans Fat Suits

Of course: the progressive capitalist!

Homeless Matt Damon Forced To Sell Kidney After Losing Everything In Crypto Pump And Dump Scheme

Next up: A lung.

Employee Wishes He Had Enough Job Security To Voice Opinion

At least until the workers of the world unite.

Outdated Sex Ed Curriculum Still Teaches How Boyfriend's Balls Could Explode If You Don't Give Him Hand Job

But isn't that true?

Teacher Fired For Breaking States Critical Race Theory Laws After Telling Students She's Black

Next up [for some here]: the gas chamber.

Pope Quietly Moves God To Different Universe After Deity Caught Molesting Altar Boy

Anyone here actually surprised?

[iambiguous]

Oliver Sacks from The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat

If a man has lost a leg or an eye, he knows he has lost a leg or an eye; but if he has lost a self—himself—he cannot know it, because he is no longer there to know it.

And, with the brain, other weird shit like that.

If we wish to know about a man, we ask 'what is his story--his real, inmost story?'--for each of us is a biography, a story. Each of us is a singular narrative, which is constructed, continually, unconsciously, by, through, and in us--through our perceptions, our feelings, our thoughts, our actions; and, not least, our discourse, our spoken narrations. Biologically, physiologically, we are not so different from each other; historically, as narratives--we are each of us unique.

See, I told you.

For here is a man who, in some sense, is desperate, in a frenzy. The world keeps disappearing, losing meaning, vanishing - and he must seek meaning, make meaning, in a desperate way, continually inventing, throwing bridges of meaning over abysses of meaninglessness, the chaos that yawns continually beneath him.

For here is a woman too.

Very young children love and demand stories, and can understand complex matters presented as stories, when their powers of comprehending general concepts, paradigms, are almost nonexistent.

Lesson learned? Indoctrinate them with stories. You know the ones.

The miracle is that, in most cases, he succeeds - for the powers of survival, of the will to survive, and to survive as a unique inalienable individual, are absolutely, the strongest in our being: stronger than any impulses, stronger than disease.

Next up: all those suicides.

The pleasure we obtain from music comes from counting, but counting unconsciously. Music is nothing but unconscious arithmetic.

I know, I know: how preposterous is that?!

[iambiguous]

The Onion

Johnson & Johnson Raises Price Of Band-Aids To $100,000 Apiece

Relax. It's not $100,000 for each band-aid, it's for each box of band-aids.

School Calendar Jumps To March 1 After Critical Race Theory Ban Prohibits Month Of February

Relax. It's only in the bluest of states.

Woman Unsure If She Turned Off Stove Finally Makes Peace With Possibly Killing Everyone In Building

With God. That's all that ever counts anyway, right?

Christ Super Embarrassed About All That Stupid Shit He Said 2,000 Years Ago

Indeed! Just imagine if they had YouTube back then!!

Child Who Just Wanted Clothes Spares Uncle’s Feelings By Pretending To Like Xbox

That one in a million child, right?

Report: Only 3% Of Conversations Actually Need To Happen

Still, that's up from 1% last year.

[iambiguous]

Max Stirner from The Ego and Its Own

All things are Nothing to Me.

Philosophically, as it were.

Is not all the stupid chatter of most of our newspapers the babble of fools who suffer from the fixed idea of morality, legality, christianity and so forth, and only seem to go about free because the madhouse in which they walk takes in so broad a space?

It is indeed. And getting more so all the time. After all, look at all the stupid chatter here.

My power is my property. My power gives me property. My power am I myself, and through it am I my property.

Yo, henry quirk!!

The men of the future will yet fight their way to many a liberty that we do not even miss.

Wow, that would be us, right?

It is possible I can make very little of myself; but this little is everything, and better than what I allow to be made out of me by the might of others, by the training of custom, religion, the laws, the State.

Indeed, and what little we make of ourselves here.

What else was Diogenes of Sinope seeking for than the true enjoyment of life, which he discovered in having the least possible wants?

Of course that was before the age of advertising. Now the corporations tell us about the things we didn't even know we want.

[iambiguous]

The Onion

Google Announces Most Searched Term Of Year Is Once Again ‘Nervous Breakdown Hate Life Hate Job How To Get New Life’

Why wouldn't it be?

Sun Thinking Of Just Collapsing Now And Getting This All Over With

Really? Where's the YouTube video?

Woman Puts Off Going To Doctor Until Disease Bad Enough For Him To Believe Her

Trust me: that's actually a real thing.

Nation Nearly Strings Together 3 Good Days In Row

Monaco, of course.

BREAKING: The Onion Has Been Permanently Banned From Twitter

Or about to break.

Left-Wing Group Too Disorganized For FBI Agents To Infiltrate

Boy, does that take me back!!!

[iambiguous]

Siddhartha Mukherjee

If you know the question, you know half.

And what particular questiion might that be?

Organisms exist not because of reactions that are possible, but because of reactions that are barely possible.

That probably explains some of us here.

Cancer thus exploits the fundamental logic of evolution unlike any other illness. If we, as a species, are the ultimate product of Darwinian selection, then so, too, is this incredible disease that lurks inside us.

Next up: the logic of God here. Your God for example.

It’s easy to make perfect decisions with perfect information. Medicine asks you to make perfect decisions with imperfect information.

What's that make ethics then?

...that the largest “negative eugenics” project in human history was not the systemic extermination of Jews in Nazi Germany or Austria in the 1930s. That ghastly distinction falls on India and China, where more than 10 million female children are missing from adulthood because of infanticide, abortion, and neglect of female children.

Let's ask God: which was worse?

The crucial driver of evolution, Darwin understood, was not nature’s sense of purpose, but her sense of humor.

After all, how else to explain the pinheads here.

[iambiguous]

The Onion

Unsettling PETA Ad Features Sobbing Burger Giving Man Blow Job

Bawling like a baby in fact.

Kavanaugh, Thomas Champion Creating Better Future For Next Generation Of Rapists

Anyone here surprised?

FIFA Officials Open For 2030 World Cup Bribes

Business as usual let's call it.

Texas Passes Mandatory 24-Hour Waiting Period Before Police Can Engage Active Shooters

And not just in elementary schools.

Drill Sergeant Struggling To Communicate That New Recruits Are, In Fact, The Worst He’s Ever Seen

Unless, of course, as with my platoon, they really are.

Area Bus Driver Would Prefer Not To Say 'You’re Welcome' For Thousandth Time Today

Bartleby the bus driver.

[vegetariantaxidermy]

Here's that thread. I knew it was around here somewhere.

''Fuck the fuck of you dipstick''

I don't know about anyone else, but I find Sculptor's style hilarious

[iambiguous]

Eric Hoffer

It is not actual suffering but the taste of better things which excites people to revolt.

Right, like there's no fucking way it could be both.

The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.

Go figure, right?

A ruling intelligentsia, whether in Europe, Asia or Africa, treats the masses as raw material to be experimented on, processed, and wasted at will.

Them and the capitalists.

If the Communists win Europe and a large part of the world, it will not be because they know how to stir up discontent or how to infect people with hatred, but because they know how to preach hope.

If. Let's leave it at that. Or what's left of it.

Those who would sacrifice a generation to realize an ideal are the enemies of mankind.

And there's never a skipped generation here of course.

If a doctrine is not unintelligible, it has to be vague; and if neither unintelligible nor vague, it has to be unverifiable.

Of course, of course: not counting yours.

[iambiguous]

The Onion

Researchers No Closer To Understanding What The Fuck You’re Talking About

Yo, Meno! Now what?!!

U.S. Treasury Introduces New Wild Bills That Can Be Used For Any Dollar Amount

Mine are all trillions.

James Cameron ‘Proves’ Jack Couldn’t Have Survived Titanic Sinking

The Titantic sunk?

Teen Boy Entering That Awkward Phase Where He A Fucking Pervert

Pick one:
1] genes
2] memes

Father Engages Siri In Argument About WWII

So, is that actually possible?

Where To Leave A Single Strand Of Hair To Drive Your Lover’s Wife Wild

Hey, where not to.

[iambiguous]

Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley from Frankenstein

Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.

Trust me: Or so pleasurable.

Beware; for I am fearless, and therefore powerful.

That can do it.

Life, although it may only be an accumulation of anguish, is dear to me, and I will defend it.

Can you say that?

If I cannot inspire love, I will cause fear!

Hear! Hear!

There is something at work in my soul, which I do not understand.

Does anyone?

There is love in me the likes of which you've never seen. There is rage in me the likes of which should never escape. If I am not satisfied in the one, I will indulge the other.

That's only fair, right?

[iambiguous]

duplicate post

[iambiguous]

The Onion

White House Says Biden Still Energetic Enough To Have Customary Morning Intercourse With Jill

Unless, of course, that's just made up.

Poll Finds Americans Would Endure At Least 150 Million Dead In Exchange For Cheaper Burrito Bowls

I wouldn't go higher than a million myself.

Regretful Officer Believes More Could Have Been Done To Kill Unarmed Black Man

Lest we forget: https://youtu.be/kKj4L6GwL5Y

New Ford F-450 Comes With Shotgun In Case Truck Doesn't Kill Pedestrian On Impact

You pay extra of course.

Elon Musk Tries To Back Out Of Twitter Deal By Deleting App From Phone

So, did it work?

Woman Who Bought Mega Millions Ticket With Coworkers Already Knows How She'll Dispose Of Their Bodies

Actually, I'd keep that sort of thing to myself.

[iambiguous]

Sean Carroll

Is time real? …In one sense, it’s a silly question. The “reality” of something is only an interesting issue if its a well-defined concept whose actual existence is in question, like Bigfoot or supersymmetry. For concepts like “time,” which are unambiguously part of a useful vocabulary we have for describing the world, talking about “reality” is just a bit of harmless gassing. They may be emergent or fundamental, but they’re definitely there.

On the other hand, "Is time real"?

I leave Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain! One always finds one’s burden again. But Sisyphus teaches the higher fidelity that negates the gods and raises rocks. He too concludes that all is well. This universe henceforth without a master seems to him neither sterile nor futile. Each atom of that stone, each mineral flake of that night-filled mountain, in itself forms a world. The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.

Either that or a pinhead.

In 1965, physicist Richard Feynman opined, “I think I can safely say that nobody understands quantum mechanics,” and the sentiment is equally applicable today.

I'll bet Sculptor does.

What is the fundamental nature of reality? Philosophers call this the question of ontology—the study of the basic structure of the world, the ingredients and relationships of which the universe is ultimately composed.

I'll bet Sculptor knows.

There is a famous joke, attributed to Einstein: “When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute and it’s longer than any hour. That’s relativity.” I don’t know whether Einstein actually ever said those words. But I do know that’s not relativity.

Okay, maybe, but who doesn't get his point if he did say it?

So neurons talk to each other by squirting electrically charged molecules from the axon of one to a dendrite on another.

Why? How?

Pick one:
1] God
2] No God

The neutron is a bit of a drama queen.

Let's explain that.
Then explain why.

[iambiguous]

Existential Comics

Leave my stable job in the cave identifying shadows on the wall to face the world as it really is? In this economy??

Rebuttal? Cue the Platonists!

I do think smart phones are a net negative. You used to be able to go out with friends and just make up wild lies like "samurai's were forbidden from jumping" or "dolphins are the only animal that doesn't poop" and only their wits could aid them. Now they can just "look it up".

Never thought of that, did you?

Yes, that's right, under communism, Christmas will be abolished and everyone will be forced to celebrate a new holiday that is GAY and FRENCH.

Hey, a small price to pay, isn't it?

Oh? Philosophy isn't "useful"?
Define "useful"
Define "philosophy"
Define "isn't"
Define "define"

That's what I thought.
Define "thought"
Define "I"
Define "what"
Define "."

Exactly! Come on, you know who you are.

If I had to have a beer with any philosopher living or dead, I would definitely choose living.

So, anyone want to have a beer with me?

Capitalist propaganda genuinely has people believing that without the bankers no one would have ever come up with the idea to do any work.

Like robbing banks.