I cant find my true identity.

[philosophic nature]

Hello everybody!

I have a big prob. I cant win in my life. I have problems to find my true identity. In my head are lead illnesses infront of my self, so that i feel myself mostly and strictly ill. So, im afraid to let go my personality, in the objection of focussing how the people would react on my mouth articulation. My mouth is the experssion of my illness, because i have a chromosomic defect and so i have to smile not like the normal people do. This fact, that my underlip is movin oblique and seems to show my pure illness. I almost think, that even I show my creepy underlip, people get crazy instead on the street and get fearful infront of myself when I smile. I normally love it to smile, but i dont do this exactly for other beings, because they cant understand why I smile like this. And even I smile to other people, they would call me "crazy" because my smile is so unauthentic.

My mainfearings is, that i have to remember violence in my life, because people, will get angry or aggressiv when they see myself. So i almost sit in my room, and dream about a live with the positiv smiling. For myself it makes no difference, further I am laughing or another one is laughing. Laughing means Laughing for me. So i normally use the laughing like everybody else. But infrnot of unknowing people i almost get fearful how they would react.
So i stay in my room as to go out for experiences. What makes me very cry.

Did you understand my problem?

Maybe you could help me to solve those problem what I feel inside of me.

Best greetings
From Germany
Dominik

[vegetariantaxidermy]

Could it be all in your imagination? You are making a lot of assumptions about what other people are thinking. You don't really notice what people look like after the first 5 minutes. No one can see themselves the way others see them. I don't see how a supposedly malformed lower lip could actually make people 'fearful' these days (perhaps it might have a few centuries ago).

[philosophic nature]

Yes, I think that most activites by those thinkings are only imagination.

[PeteJ]

It seems you are having a difficult time in this life. I sympathise with your problem. It must be difficult to live with.

You asked about 'true identity' and perhaps this is the crux of the matter. You identify closely with your body and care greatly about how others see you. I would suggest that if you go in search of your true identity and have any success you'll stop worrying about either of these things. Never underestimate the Oracle at Delphi.

[Walker]

Did you understand my problem?

Maybe you could help me to solve those problem what I feel inside of me.

Best greetings
From Germany
Dominik

Because what you do has put your mind where it is, the antidote to the problem is to do something else. The simplest beginning for doing something else is to place attention elsewhere.

Given your descriptions of where your attention now goes, a simple and profound way to change the direction of your attention is Tonglin practice.

The practice makes existential changes in how one sees the world and interacts with the world, in ways that cannot be anticipated or likely understood from your self-described state of mind. You must do it to know it. Overviews and descriptions of the practice can be found in the usual places.