-1- wrote: ↑Fri Feb 16, 2018 11:38 am
A_Seagull wrote: ↑Thu Feb 15, 2018 8:52 pm
Given the choice of having dinner with a prostitute or a moralist, I would choose the prostitute every time.
I have no doubt the conversation would be more entertaining and honest.
Dinner with moralist:
Moralist: "So I told her that she still short changed me, because I gave her a twenty. But I said, one of the deadliest virtues is charity, so I will exercise my virtue, and leave her the extra change that she could do with as she wished."
Moralist (takes a bite of brisket.)
I: "This chicken is tough."
Moralist: "Yes, the cook was immoral in cooking it too long."
I: "And the potatoes are made of powder, not of real potatoes. The mashed potatoes."
Moralist: "Yes, and therefore the chef will burn in eternal hellfire for doing so and destroying the culinary experience of such vast huge large amount of people on a daily basis."
I: "Seen any good movies lately?"
Moralist: "Yes, I'd say. One of the best movies I've ever seen was a new one last week, "The Eternal Unsolvability Principle and Its Ramification in Goeddel's Eschenbau und Heimatsfruhe" You gotta go and see it."
I: "O...ooookay."
Prostitute: "I am hungry. Buy me some food."
I: "Okay, you want the chicken, or the garlic butter-soaked oversalted shrimp, semi-cooked for your salmonella-laden culinary pleasure?"
Prostitute: "Whichever is more expensive."
I: "So, I mean earm, ize, it's a nice day we are having, aren't we?"
Prostitute: "Waiter, there is a f****** fly in my soup."
Waiter: (Oxford Ph.D. in philosophy) Hm. (He gives himself to great thought. Finally:) Ma'm, it's impossible.
Prostitute: "What do you mean?"
Waiter: "A fly all by itself alone, can't be f******. That's copulation, and by definition, it needs two flies of opposite sexes. Maybe the Mademoiselle meant to say that the fly is self-engaged in autoerotica."
Prostitute: "Whatever. I fell asleep somewhere in the middle of your monologue there. Repeat?"
I: "Waiter, please bring another fly so the one in the soup is not so lonely."
Waiter: "Right away, sir. You want a blonde one, a brunette, or a read-head?"
I: "Read-head?"
Waiter: "Yes, a fly with a well-rounded reading list below her belt, from Faulkner to Boussireaivedaicissime, to Sommerset Maugham, to Tante Dante."
I: "Will we have time to eat the soup between sentences of the literary fly?"
Waiter: "if that's a concern, sir, I'll bring a deaf and mute one. Or if we out of those, can I bring the ma'm a dead and mute one?"
Prositute: "I need a hit. Anyone has any crack?"
I: "Buth Thelma! Not in public!?"
Prostitute: (in singing voice) "I'll go down on yo-o-ou first!"
I: