Be good to yourself

[marjoram_blues]

Who is the harshest judge on your behaviour - reflecting on past experience; actions and consequences?
Your self ?
What good does it do, this self-analysis, if it brings you down ?
There are plenty others out there who judge and label you without knowing all the facts and circumstances.

Do we accept that this will always be the case. And how do we train the mind to be kind to self, becalm its tortured and tortuous thoughts or imaginings...

Are certain philosophies better or worse than others at 'self kindness' ?
Which philosophy has been 'good for you' - and can you explain what, where and how it was of benefit ? Also, how much of it has become your core way of living, and would not change...even if some 'costs' are involved ?

What about the philosophy of chocolate
Or Winnie the Pooh

[TSBU]

Who is the harshest judge on your behaviour - reflecting on past experience; actions and consequences?
Your self ?

It depends on the person. Some people never think about the pastand don't take responsability or analyze their own behaviour. Other people do it all the time. That's deep, part of personality, mostly built when you were a child, because of your experiences and how you are, difficult to change.

What good does it do, this self-analysis, if it brings you down ?

It brings change. You won't do the same mistakes or so many mistakes if you analyze your behaviour.

There are plenty others out there who judge and label you without knowing all the facts and circumstances

Everybody. We label people the same way we label stones, it's usefull to make a distinction between one rock and another. There are similarities between humans and we learn from experience. There is not an easy answer, sometimes the external judge is better, sometimes it's not.

Do we accept that this will always be the case. And how do we train the mind to be kind to self, becalm its tortured and tortuous thoughts or imaginings...

I don't know the meaning of "be kinf to self", you won't probably see yourself divided in a part that is kind to another part of yourself if you analyze etc, you'll see yourself as a whole.

Are certain philosophies better or worse than others at 'self kindness' ?

There are masters of reality evasion and they don't look at their own mistakes. Every mistake I've done, even when they were extremely painfull, they were at the same time beautidull when I discovered it, because the suffering were fair and doing it better that wouldn't have happened. Better blame yourself than the Universe, better think it is your fault, than thinking that you can't change anything.

Which philosophy has been 'good for you' - and can you explain what, where and how it was of benefit ? Also, how much of it has become your core way of living, and would not change...even if some 'costs' are involved ?

You are asking about a person wholes mind, psichology, and philosophy, their deeper insides, in two lines. Every anwer ot the same lenght is going to be useless, and we are not equal, would you show your insides here? I mean, all that "moments" in your life, some of them precious, other horrific, and how did they changed your mind?

What about the philosophy of chocolate

I like chocolate.

[Harbal]

I don't know the meaning of "be kinf to self",

I don't think anybody does.

[marjoram_blues]

I don't know the meaning of "be kinf to self",

I don't think anybody does.

You are a kinf soul, herbal

[Harbal]

You are a kinf soul, herbal

It's very kinf of you to say so, marjoram, thank you.

[marjoram_blues]

TSBU
Thanks for your reply.

The 'be good to yourself' part is meant on a simple level. It is what some people say when they wish to counsel or help alleviate any burden you are hauling around. Basically, you need to look after yourself before you can be of any use to others. Also, give yourself a break or a treat, like chocolate.

And about asking others about their philosophy of life and how they cope, it's no biggie, is it ?
It might help to see the relevance, or otherwise, of philosophy...

Either way, it is often clear by what, where and how people write where their priorities and core values lie. But then again - there are certain wee devils out there who take a lot of flak for taking and showing an opposite viewpoint from their own. I would not expect anyone - or myself- to be able to, or want to, talk about all of their deepest experiences...
That is too personal and revealing to be placed all in one thread - the tendency is to show our thoughts a little at a time, depending on how we feel or trust issues.

There is no harm in asking - people can give as little or as much as they like...

[TSBU]

You are a kinf soul, herbal

It's very kinf of you to say so, marjoram, thank you.

There is a shampoo in my country, probably in yours too, "herbal esences", the adds had a woman shouting in the shower like an orgasm. I see future between you two XD.

[Harbal]

There is a shampoo in my country, probably in yours too, "herbal esences", the adds had a woman shouting in the shower like an orgasm. I see future between you two XD.

What has that advert got to do with anything?

[TSBU]

There is a shampoo in my country, probably in yours too, "herbal esences", the adds had a woman shouting in the shower like an orgasm. I see future between you two XD.

What has that advert got to do with anything?

She said "herbal" not "harbal", just like I said "kinf" instead of "kind". The only place I've seen the word herbal is in that advert and I wanted to give you back the joke.

[Harbal]

She said "herbal" not "harbal",

So she did, I didn't spot that, STUB, thanks for pointing it out.

[Dalek Prime]

There is a shampoo in my country, probably in yours too, "herbal esences", the adds had a woman shouting in the shower like an orgasm. I see future between you two XD.

What has that advert got to do with anything?

She said "herbal" not "harbal", just like I said "kinf" instead of "kind". The only place I've seen the word herbal is in that advert and I wanted to give you back the joke.

Did I ever tell you that I pray to the great god, Calgon, to take me away?

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calgon# ... away.21.22

[duszek]

If we are good to ourselves we do not judge ourselves too severly.
But how much is too much ?

If I feel like a cockroach (at times) is it because the instinct of self-preservation has forced me to become one ? Difficult to say.

On the other hand there is the danger of narcissism. Which is a huge impediment to personal development.

My approach is this: instead of making a judgement that I am good enough or a loser I simply try new things out and my intuition should tell me whether I am moving in the right direction or not.

Harsh judgement of oneself puts one in a state of inertia and despair. This cannot be good for anyone.
A moment of bitter repentence if one had done something very wrong that cannot be reversed (Raskolnikov murdering an old lady and the like) is necessary. It should make us move in a better direction from then on.

Bodily pleasures are easy to celebrate. Chocolate seems to weaken my immune system but strong black tea accompanied by natural joghurt accompanied by organic honey ... hmmmm !

Mens sana in corpore sano.
If we put our body in good shape we are ready for good actions.

[TSBU]

If we are good to ourselves we do not judge ourselves too severly.

I can't see sense in that.

But how much is too much ?

Or what is severely... You can judge yourself severely and be happy, all you have to do is judge and act the best way, the fair way, seeing what you deserve.

If I feel like a cockroach (at times) is it because the instinct of self-preservation has forced me to become one ? Difficult to say.

Nothing has forced you to be a cockroach, that's easy to say.

On the other hand there is the danger of narcissism. Which is a huge impediment to personal development.

Define well narcisism and "personal development".

My approach is this: instead of making a judgement that I am good enough or a loser I simply try new things out and my intuition should tell me whether I am moving in the right direction or not.

Everybody seems to see everything like "being a loser or a winer", nobody is the best for everything. And intuition is certeanly not enough, and it's difficult to define too.

Harsh judgement of oneself puts one in a state of inertia and despair. This cannot be good for anyone.
A moment of bitter repentence if one had done something very wrong that cannot be reversed (Raskolnikov murdering an old lady and the like) is necessary. It should make us move in a better direction from then on.

You talk about feelings like if you could controll what you feel, you can only control what you think, and then that will result in feelings when the situation comes, but thinking in feelings alone is absurd, it's like thinking in murdering and controll how much guilt you must feel before doing it. Nobody teach us to feel things, you just take responsability and you feel what you feel when you fail or you success, and that makes you reoirganize your mind.

Bodily pleasures are easy to celebrate. Chocolate seems to weaken my immune system but strong black tea accompanied by natural joghurt accompanied by organic honey ... hmmmm !

What are non natural joghurt or honey? that things are always made with milk and... hell, honey, I have bees, that's cheap XD. Yeah, yeah, that's ok, but the "enjoy the little things" sounds always conformist. Chocolate and honey will keep being a pleasure anyway, let's hope diabetes don't come.

Mens sana in corpore sano.

Nothing is a better prof or a "corpore sano" than being all the day eating chocolate and honey XD. I think people in hopsital can have as good mental health as the rest :/.

If we put our body in good shape we are ready for good actions.

Ehm... no. It only makes you ready for body actions.

[duszek]

Replies to TSBU:

1. yoghurt, honey and lots of other foods can be made less natural by processing them or adding preservatives, colors and other harmful substances (processed foods)

2. if you try to survive among bullies and sneaky moles you have to become like them, otherwise you are a doomed idiot

3. an example of judging oneself severely:

I wanted to clean the apartment and to be nice to a person who gets on my nerves although it is not her intention but I was under the weather and did not manage to do either,
shall I feel remorse because I did not try hard enough ?
or shall I forgive myself, relax, and try to do better next day ?

It´s the readiness to find excuses and justifications for a failure that makes a judgment more or less severe.

[TSBU]

1. yoghurt, honey and lots of other foods can be made less natural by processing them or adding preservatives, colors and other harmful substances (processed foods)

Honey doesn't need preserva... in Spanish "preservativo" means condom. Anyway, it doesn't get old, or not easily, I think I've heard that honey from ancient Egipt has been found in good state to eat.
With Joghurt, it's the oposite. It always have preservatives, and more things. And, of course, and thanfuly, every milk product is processed, (boiled) before giving it to humans. And... we cook almost everything.

2. if you try to survive among bullies and sneaky moles you have to become like them, otherwise you are a doomed idiot

If you think like that, you are a doomed idiot. Fighting for self defence is not becoming a bullie or a... sneaky mole XD (funny English again XD).

3. an example of judging oneself severely:

I wanted to clean the apartment and to be nice to a person who gets on my nerves although it is not her intention but I was under the weather and did not manage to do either,
shall I feel remorse because I did not try hard enough ?
or shall I forgive myself, relax, and try to do better next day ?

As I said, thinking in feeling or not feeling things is absurd, you can''t controll that, you must controll your thoughts about what that person deserves. Evidently, if that person always get on your nerves, the first thing should probably be to talk with that person about the reasons and how to change them if it is possible, or how to avoid that situations if it isn't possible (maybe by being more rude with that person, I don't know), what is that person intention is important, but it's not the only important thing, and, if that person really have a "no harm intention", then that person should try, like you.
I don't understand what is "forgive" (in my language the same word exists and I don't understand it either, that means that I don't see sense in it).

It´s the readiness to find excuses and justifications for a failure that makes a judgment more or less severe.

For me, a severe judgement is like a severe study, you just have to take more time and analyze more things, that's "more severe". And less severe is "less thinking".