Poetry here.

[Pluto]

The cream of man
doth reign over milk man
and must destroy her numbers
when and as opportunity doth present itself.

[Pluto]

A holocaust beckons. United Slaves Arise from your dream that has been created by your historical enemy, power.

[Ansiktsburk]

It's no use, I can see
To lose energy
On the bitch
Which
Drives the Corsa in front of me


(Loosely translated from central scandinavian. Hope it works decently for you guys who have English as your native language...)

[Pluto]

'to lose'

[Ansiktsburk]

'to lose'

Thanks, fixed.

[Pluto]

The ads which follow me destroy the power and legitimacy of the text I read

[Walker]

That Time of Year
- CH Walker

Before attention distills the tree
Into compounds of compounds of compounds
Before that
The tree is the nucleus
Anchoring and attracting
The electron cloud of thoughts
Energetically sorting into shells
Conceptually cognized
Forming atoms and other compounds of complexity
A cloud following the energetic chain of attraction upwards
Into caused compounds
Tracing the path to a human being …

Then a morning sun touches
The slick film of ice
A sheer and clear prison
Where scarlet leaf joins limb
And all over the world every leaf
So inclined
Under such conditions
Breaks and bounces downward
Clattering off brittle leaf points
Forms of its own kind
Still frozen

[Ansiktsburk]

Each morning a bliss
I say to thee
I stumble up to have a pee

Then I get what's good for me
A coffee cup, and sandwich's three.

Then back to bed I go again
To read good books 'til half past ten.

Language fixes needed?

[Pluto]

We're good at it
Been doing it for years
Our forefathers did it too
We are born to do this
In the same way as you are born to play your role
Though like us, you know it not
And that makes things easier for us
In our schools are we told that those outside
Know not there ass from there elbow and that it is for us
To direct and give them meaning which befits the order of things
Like ranking in an army are you the foot soldier and I the general
Today is our job made easy for we do have a media system of entertainment and lies
Which creates a fabricated world for you to safely go about your life and discuss the things within those borders
We must look over you yet feel no connection or love for you, a parent we are not, neither a guardian also
It is how things are, the natural order, reflecting nature, recently there are those who have tried to untangle themselves
But as they do, find no place in which there new understanding can take root, for we've colonised all space and place, and territory to boot.

[Pluto]

the peasant over time has spoke against his master to no avail but his own

[Walker]

First a planet
Then planet no mo
Pluto knows and Pluto always tells
Truth is always present
Truth is always self-protected
By limitations
Of detection devices

Every clear morning
Before the sun
When people dream
Before they wake and learn
In the sky
Over the car
Venus and Jupiter
Dance their slow turn

[Pluto]

The system draws strength from critique but struggles with being side-lined forgotten and neglected - upstaged

[Walker]

Thank you.

The following comments are constructive criticism, and opinion:

We're good at it
Been doing it for years
Our forefathers did it too
We are born to do this
In the same way as you are born to play your role

Looking strictly at form:

The first four lines are excellent,
I stopped at the fifth.
Each line pulls me to the next.
In terms of poetry, I think that the fifth line
Should shift to a concrete image.
Something appealing to a sense
Or evoking a sensory memory
Without naming the sense.

As the poem evolves
So should that tangible image further develop
And change

I realize that the rest of the poem goes uncommented for now
at least by me.

Apologies, but I must go away for awhile

[Pluto]

Yes interesting. What would be the 5th line then as you see it?

[Pluto]

I want to write something
About what happens
When you want to listen
to a song on youtube
But before it comes on
You are hit with an advert