The trap of abuse is not the fact that the abused serves, but that the service is the path of least resistance. What happens if you do not obey is made much worse than the pain of obedience. Therefore the solution lies, not in mere disobedience, which would simply teach you through experience not to do it ever again. The solution is to first disobey to put into motion the reprisal, but also to somehow negate that reprisal. I find anger and doubt to be most effective, because people have a great deal of trouble hurting you when you are doubting that they can do it and you are so pissed at them that you will tear their limbs off. But there are so many ways to negate reprisal that I will save time by not listing them all.
Once you are finally free of reprisal, you will find that old habits die hard. So it will be necessary to make new and superior habits--habits that are suited to multiple situations rather than a limited array of functions. Happy revolution!