Swaying. And then that mild attenuation of sound and sight-line. Everything just became a little bit darker.
I knew I had better get out of that sauna.
I made it to the wooden bench in the deserted, small mans locker room.
I had taken far too much kratom earlier and I knew it at that time. Now it's kicking-in. Big time.
The urge to vomit was overcome by a life or death trigger that I hadn’t felt in years.
Not only could I not move, I was beginning to loose control of my arms and legs.
The heart-pounding sound along with the restricted visual field similar to what one experiences just before blacking-out was reminiscent of being punched in the face or of huffing way too much Amyl nitrite.
But then I seemed to come back. It was a feeling that I can't quite put into words. I wasn't really able to think but with what consciousness I had left I understood that I had done way too much of a mixture of chemicals that I have been ingesting.
Sitting on a bench. Just letting go.
When I awoke I was lying, naked on the tile floor, in front of the bench of the still deserted locker room.
I had cracked my head open and somehow I managed to scrape my left knee.
Not the way I expected my Tuesday to unravel.
Some of you are aware that for the past few years I've been physically pushing myself to the max in hopes of gaining an insight into consciousness. Hoping for a type of estrangement of myself.
I have not been overly successful.
Life has a way of continually being unexpected.
..........................................
I don't know if I died yesterday on that bench or I just passed-out. Perhaps the mechanics are the same.
It didn't feel anything like my first two heart attacks but I'm no doctor so, it could have been one of those...
Anyway, in the times I work-out it feels like a spiritual experience for me. Including the times in the sauna.
I was thinking about consciousness, and the I left. I disappeared. And it was no big deal. I became nothing.
This is the first time I have had the chance to share this experience.
I did not obtain any immediate insights from this experience but I have noticed a deep physical calm in going about my duties since then.
You delude yourself, a common trait of your condition. You don't have a philosophy you have a severe self-harming personality disorder that you need to address.
Bill Will.on.track wrote:Some of you are aware that for the past few years I've been physically pushing myself to the max in hopes of gaining an insight into consciousness. Hoping for a type of estrangement of myself.
I did not obtain any immediate insights from this experience but...
We are everything & nothing.
I agree, our existence as an individual is OUR everything...eventually we are nothing.
The nothing part could be a hinderance to the everything part...
You're eating from the Tree of Knowledge on this quest...its a suicide mission, but do take notes for the rest of us.
I'd have thought the point of observation is to make some?
I'd also have thought that such observations should have some point or impact upon the observer. So what impact or positive change is it making in your life?
Bill Wiltrack wrote:.
Philosophy...real philosophy is not utilitarian.
You mean its not practical, functional, useful, serviceable, effective, efficient, pragmatic, realistic, handy, neat, down to earth, (suited)to the purpose, etc. If so I disagree that this is philosophy at all.
Again, that is where you and I diverge.
Damn straight if your 'philosophy' is all of the above.
![Sophia [NSFW]](http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs16/f/2007/174/e/d/Carly_Flyaround_by_mjranum.gif){kind=link}