Kayla wrote:johngalt is obviously an idiot
nevertheless in his inarticulate beavis and butthead sort of way to does bring up an interesting topic - men and women being friends
obviously men and women can be friends there is no need to debate that
but in what way if any are such friendships different why are they different should they be different
those are interesting topics
i am friends with a man in his 50s and the fact that he is a man has a major effect on this friendship
if it were with a woman there would be no issues some people might think it slightly odd that i choose to sometimes hangout with someone that much out of my peer group but that would be it
he is married his wife told me she is glad he has someone to talk to about philosophy - he studied it in university until life happened and he had to take over the business for his father and so forth
but there is an unspoken understanding that i should never visit him when he is in the house by himself
his wife is very nice but when i am talking to him she will check in on us from time to time when we are talking
why is it like that
is there a rational reason for it to be like that
should it be like that
note he has never done or shown interesting in doing anything even remotely inappropriate
I also agree that men and women can be friends but perhaps through my naivety and confidence in my own self image I unknowingly fall into the ugly category

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I can understand the wife checking in on 'her man'. She could just feel insecure or have reason to be suspicious because of his, or her, previous known or imagined behaviour. Your acceptance of her behaviour and not visiting him when he is home alone should demonstrate to her that you are not a threat to her marriage so your friendship can happily continue. It is something you don't have to do but it is nice that you are.
I know a husband who was content for many years to allow his male friend to accompany his wife to events he didn't want to go to. The male friend had always held a torch for the wife but enjoyed spending time with her, making her happy by sharing her interests. Then suddenly it all stopped and he was persona non grata. I do not believe that he was guilty of any impropriety, only a victim of issues in their marriage.