How Can I Be Happy?

[Philosophy Now]

The following answers to this central human question each win a random book.

http://philosophynow.org/issues/88/How_Can_I_Be_Happy

[duszek]

By composing events in your life ....

[Impenitent]

Don't worry...

-Imp

[duszek]

Can one voluntarily stop worrying ?
It seems to me more difficult than to stop smoking.

The best I can think of is to call a friend and ask them to laugh at your worries.

[duszek]

By replacing hate by indifference and by making positive things grow by focusing my attention on them.

By exploring something new and interesting.

[Arising_uk]

"What would being happy be for you?"

"How would you recognise when you were happy?"

"How do you know when you are happy?"

Answer these and happiness may well be yours my son.

[artisticsolution]

Hi Arising,

It might not be as elusive as your questions suggest. It might be that the answer is taking ourselves out of the question and instead ask:

How can I make others happy?

What would be happy for them?

How would I recognize when they were happy?

How do I know when they are happy?

Maybe asking those types of questions makes one forget about ones troubles as it takes quite alot of time and research to take an interest in someone elses happiness.

[Arising_uk]

Whats elusive about my questions?

Yours appear to be about making others happy. Now it may well be that this would make some happy but if so then they would be their answers to mine, i.e. "Making others happy", "When others are happy" - but you'd still have to say how you'd know when this was the case so your last two questions would apply once you've found the former, if that is what would make you happy that is.

[chaz wyman]

The following answers to this central human question each win a random book.

http://philosophynow.org/issues/88/How_Can_I_Be_Happy

I can be happy by choosing my own book.

[Hermit Philosopher]

By selflessly and humbly, choosing to interpret things constructively and; by ensuring that all personal action, aspires towards greater peace of mind.

[Thundril]

What's the implication of the question? That one can 'do something' in order to become happy? Very bourgouis idea. If your situation is fortunate, you will be happy. If your situation is tragic, you will be grief-stricken. If your situation is comical, you will be amused.
To respond inappropriately to life's reality is not good. So the key is to know when your situation is good, and enjoy it. And when your situation is not so good, respond appropriately. When a loved one dies, be unhappy!
Happiness can be manufactured by ignoring the situation and buying some new shoes, or something equally vacuous, but it's a very unhealthy kind of ersatz happiness that's not worth the trip to the shops, let alone the cash.
Happiness is not always the best state to be in, because it is so often at odds with one's true situation; and the 'pursuit of happiness', narrowly interpreted, is the behaviour of idiots.

[artisticsolution]

Whats elusive about my questions?

Yours appear to be about making others happy. Now it may well be that this would make some happy but if so then they would be their answers to mine, i.e. "Making others happy", "When others are happy" - but you'd still have to say how you'd know when this was the case so your last two questions would apply once you've found the former, if that is what would make you happy that is.

Hi Arising,

Now I will grant you that I may not word things properly every time...but I am starting to think that alot of the time people misread me by leaving out the little words I type. I did not say your questions were elusive...I said your questions suggest that it (happiness) might be elusive.

"It might not be as elusive as your questions suggest."

I am not suggesting we "try" to make others happy per se. I am suggesting that by taking the time to take an interest in another might help to take our mind off ourselves and thus our problems.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with working on the art of genuinely caring about another person....even if one does not want that other person as a love interest or any other self serving relationship that one sets out to find in our lifetime in order to be happy. The person who is unhappy can still use another as an ends to a mean by seeing to it that he does a kind act..or acts...in order to try to bring happiness to himself and another.

If we do it right...we could win and they could win because there is a social interaction that is based on selflessness but is also selfish at it's core. And since I think most unhappiness stems from selfishness (whether personally...or from outside influences) then we could alleviate the source of selfishness by training ourselves.

Take for example, the case of the "territorial" manicurist I once knew. I had been working in this salon for a while and we all shared our polishes for many reasons. One is they were all out in the open and clients could see them clearly. SO if a client liked a polish...it would be bad business to tell her she couldn't use it. Also, how much polish does it takes to polish one clients nails? About 25 cents worth? It's just not worth it practically to make a client unhappy for 25 cents. You can plainly see the benefit of sharing in this case because the clients happiness outweighs the cost when you think of repeat business from that client or her friends. This is just an unspoken thing that happens in salons...unless there is a lock on the polishes...all clients are welcome to use any polish they see (except of course those for resale.)

So you can imagine how odd it was when a new girl (the territorial manicurist=TM) started working there. She had a little sign on her polishes saying that no one could use them ever...under any circumstances. So one day a new client walked in to another manicurist and wanted to use a certain color from the TM's polish rack and the manicurist told her no...you can't use polish from that rack. Well the woman got very upset at the manicurist...thinking she was being selfish. She didn't give the manicurist a chance to explain that there was a new girl who didn't understand the way things were done in the salon yet and that she didn't want to use the polish until they got things straight first. The lady walked out, thinking the salon had petty stupid manicurists and never came back...probably told her friends too.

Another time a older client of mine walked in and sat at the next station to wait for me to finish as she just had surgery on her knee and was in pain. The TM was in another area giving a pedicure. She got up out of her pedicure chair and walked across the salon to tell my client to get out of her chair! Then she went back to doing her pedicure! There was just no common sense to this TM at all. The TM didn't take into consideration that if she was kind she could possibly get clients from my client...or get my clients when I went on vacation...or retired or whatever...no...she was selfish in a way that did not bring happiness to others and she was miserable in her life because of it. What she tried so hard to protect...her "territory" she wasn't aware the the cost to her happiness was way more than the cost of her "things."

On a side note...the salon told her that the chair at her station was reserved for her clients first...and if no one was sitting there...then for all clients whenever. She had no claim to the chair as "her" property.

Anyway, how many people don't see the big picture? This is what I mean about being kind to others in order to being more happiness to yourself.

I don't think I have to state how I would know if another was happy. I don't think I would know...but that isn't the point. It would be because I at least tried to take an interest in their needs and tried to meet them...like allowing them to sit if they look as if they are hurt. I think most people would appreciate someone giving up their seat in that case...and if not I would think they would say, "no thank you."

But it would still be the gesture that would matter in that case by making me forget myself for a moment to think of another...and having that person feel as if they were cared for by another individual...it's a win win.

[duszek]

Impenitent

Worrying is like falling in love, you can only endure it.

[duszek]

Making someone happy is not easy.
Honest attempts can exasperate instead of making happy, no matter how well-intentioned.

I remember a play by H. Pinter, "Birthday Party", in which a woman tried to make her lodger happy and he loathed it.

[Impenitent]

Impenitent

Worrying is like falling in love, you can only endure it.

or whistle through it...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-diB65scQU

-Imp