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what to preach in a sunday sermon
Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2011 6:16 pm
by Kayla
As i have mentioned in another post the crazy ass preacher at my church got fired for being too crazy assed
we do no have a replacement yet so various senior members of the congregation have been taking turns delivering the sunday sermon
one of them got this idea to have someone from the youth group do a sermon, and when this was announced at the youth group meeting everyone just started staring at me. I was like what and everyone was like you are doing the sermon. i also found out that when i was not around they were calling me the bible geek girl
i am supposed to do it next sunday and i have no idea what to do any suggestions?
Re: what to preach in a sunday sermon
Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2011 8:03 am
by Wootah
The Prodigal Son.
Re: what to preach in a sunday sermon
Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2011 3:59 pm
by mickthinks
I think there are far too many words and far too much time wasted by preachers just trying to fill up the time set aside for preaching. If you have nothing to say, do yourself and your audience a favour by turning down the invitation.
Re: what to preach in a sunday sermon
Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2011 5:47 pm
by chaz wyman
Kayla wrote:As i have mentioned in another post the crazy ass preacher at my church got fired for being too crazy assed
we do no have a replacement yet so various senior members of the congregation have been taking turns delivering the sunday sermon
one of them got this idea to have someone from the youth group do a sermon, and when this was announced at the youth group meeting everyone just started staring at me. I was like what and everyone was like you are doing the sermon. i also found out that when i was not around they were calling me the bible geek girl
i am supposed to do it next sunday and i have no idea what to do any suggestions?
Tell them the bible is not to be taken literally. Tell them that the early stories of the Bible are metaphorical and relate to cultural norms of early Jewish society that are completely lost to modern living.
You might also pick out a few rules that no one obeys anymore like the strict rules on keeping menstruating women separate from the rest of the tribe; keeping milk and milk products separate from all meat products, and many other tired and irrelevant rules. Then you might ask why the advice against homosexuality might also be out of date and irrelevant.
Q: what's a nice girl like you doing going to church anyway?
Re: what to preach in a sunday sermon
Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2011 6:56 pm
by bobevenson
Kayla, my advice to you is to read "The Ouzo Prophecy" (
http://church-of-ouzo.com/pdf/ouzo-prophecy.pdf) and preach this along with the book of
Revelation. You can then play the game of Ouzo with dollar bills, and the winners can contribute their winnings to your church (of course I'll expect my usual 10% consulting fee).
Re: what to preach in a sunday sermon
Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2011 5:12 am
by Kayla
chaz wyman wrote:Q: what's a nice girl like you doing going to church anyway?
well, I get to go and look after the little kids while their parents listen to the sermon and sing hymns and whatnot
so I don't have to listen to the sermons or anything.
Afterwards, I get to hang out with my friends and binge on homemade cookies and lemonade
how could anyone NOT want to go to church?
Re: what to preach in a sunday sermon
Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2011 10:51 am
by attofishpi
My only advice would be to suggest the congregation read the four gospels (at some point), and follow the 10 commandments...Christ is the only person worth listening to...and his reason for joining us upon spaceship Earth was to reignite commitment to Gods proposal as written by Moses on Mount Sinai...anything beyond that is the bull part to buy.
Re: what to preach in a sunday sermon
Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2011 2:44 pm
by chaz wyman
Kayla wrote:chaz wyman wrote:Q: what's a nice girl like you doing going to church anyway?
well, I get to go and look after the little kids while their parents listen to the sermon and sing hymns and whatnot
so I don't have to listen to the sermons or anything.
Afterwards, I get to hang out with my friends and binge on homemade cookies and lemonade
how could anyone NOT want to go to church?
You seem to contradict yourself. On one hand you say "I don't have to listen to sermons", and then you ask how could "anyone NOT want to go to church." The obvious answer is I do not want to go to church because I do not want to listen to a fucking sermon..
In the UK the churches are empty.
I assume you like looking after the kids? Maybe you are destined to be a primary school teacher? - I would heartily recommend it.
Re: what to preach in a sunday sermon
Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2011 5:06 pm
by bobevenson
attofishpi wrote: Christ is the only person worth listening to.
Chapters 2 and 3 of the book of
Revelation contain Christ's letters to the seven churches: Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamos, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia and Laodicea. These letters are God's unified message to mankind through the testimony of Jesus Christ to the seven continents of the world. If you connect the main thought of each letter, the following message emerges:
"It is not enough to merely recognize and hate evil: fear not the tribulation of Satan; fight evil wherever you find it, and do not allow it to flourish; contain evil and overcome it with perseverance and commitment to good." If you add up the seven churches in English gematria simplex (A=1 to Z=26), which represents the seven continents of the world from a spiritual standpoint, and subtract out "The seven continents of the world" from a physical standpoint, you are left with the spiritual essence of "Robert Merlin Evenson".
Re: what to preach in a sunday sermon
Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2011 6:32 pm
by chaz wyman
attofishpi wrote:My only advice would be to suggest the congregation read the four gospels (at some point), and follow the 10 commandments...Christ is the only person worth listening to...
It's a shame that he never wrote down anything then isn't it, and the accounts of his life are contradictory and inconsistent.
and his reason for joining us upon spaceship Earth was to reignite commitment to Gods proposal as written by Moses on Mount Sinai...anything beyond that is the bull part to buy.
Re: what to preach in a sunday sermon
Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2011 6:45 pm
by mickthinks
chaz wyman wrote:... contradictory and inconsistent.
lol
Re: what to preach in a sunday sermon
Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2011 7:54 pm
by chaz wyman
mickthinks wrote:chaz wyman wrote:... contradictory and inconsistent.
lol
Funny uh?
How many generations from Jesus to Abraham?
From which of David's sons was Jesus descended?
Who was Jesus' grandfather on his father's side?
When was Jesus born?
Did Jesus, Mary, and Joseph go to Egypt or Nazareth?
Maybe you haven't read the Bible?
Re: what to preach in a sunday sermon
Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2011 7:57 pm
by chaz wyman
Oh yeah and...
Where did John baptize?
Were the Pharisees baptized by John?
How did God address Jesus at his baptism?
Can God be tempted?
Is it OK to test (or tempt) God?
Who is the Lord of this world?
Who owns the earth?
Should we serve God alone?
This is just Matthew.
Re: what to preach in a sunday sermon
Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2011 8:27 pm
by mickthinks
chaz wyman wrote:mickthinks wrote:chaz wyman wrote:... contradictory and inconsistent.
lol
Funny uh?
How many generations from Jesus to Abraham?
From which of David's sons was Jesus descended?
Who was Jesus' grandfather on his father's side?
When was Jesus born?
Did Jesus, Mary, and Joseph go to Egypt or Nazareth?
Maybe you haven't read the Bible?
chaz wyman wrote:Oh yeah and...
Where did John baptize?
Were the Pharisees baptized by John?
How did God address Jesus at his baptism?
Can God be tempted?
Is it OK to test (or tempt) God?
Who is the Lord of this world?
Who owns the earth?
Should we serve God alone?
This is just Matthew.
And which of those are the inconsistent ones and which are examples of the contradictory, chaz?
Re: what to preach in a sunday sermon
Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2011 11:49 pm
by chaz wyman
mickthinks wrote:chaz wyman wrote:
Funny uh?
How many generations from Jesus to Abraham?
From which of David's sons was Jesus descended?
Who was Jesus' grandfather on his father's side?
When was Jesus born?
Did Jesus, Mary, and Joseph go to Egypt or Nazareth?
Maybe you haven't read the Bible?
chaz wyman wrote:Oh yeah and...
Where did John baptize?
Were the Pharisees baptized by John?
How did God address Jesus at his baptism?
Can God be tempted?
Is it OK to test (or tempt) God?
Who is the Lord of this world?
Who owns the earth?
Should we serve God alone?
This is just Matthew.
And which of those are the inconsistent ones and which are examples of the contradictory, chaz?
These are ALL examples where the bible give differing explanations.
There are many more. Would you like to see some more, or would you like to try to use the bible to answer the questions I have already put to you?
Neither??? I thought not!! LOL