chaz wyman wrote:Linz wrote:
Its been two years since the end of treatment, that means I stand a good chance to last a bit longer.
It has been a painful experience, and getting a simple cold can now be something of a major event, but life goes on.
I really don't know what it is exactly that you think you experienced but whatever it was it was not sub-atiomic particles.
Humans are not capable of experiencing atoms let alone smaller things. In a very really sense atoms don't exist except as models with which we try to understand the world we live in. But in whatever way they might exist they lie beyond what our senses are capable of as all receptors are made of macro-atomic stuctures. Sight relies on light which cannot "see" atoms, hearing relies on the vibration of atoms and cannot hear atoms, touch relies on the field of pressure that is exerted when atoms try to occupy the same space, and cannot feel atoms, taste relies on the encounter of chemical atoms in contact with taste buds.
None of this allows for subatomic particles.
I'm glad to hear the prognosis for your treatment is positive. It must have been an horrendous experience to go through and you have my heartfelt sympathy.
I hope you can totally avoid some of the 'flu strains that are going around nowadays. I had one that wouldn't go away for months this winter.
I will attempt to explain what has been my experience and you can make of it what you will.
The difficulty arises in describing it in words that make sense. As an artist it is equivalent to trying to reproduce a water colour with a kids crayon.
As you say atoms pre se are really only a model, it would appear that they are in some way a combination of sub atomic particles, and I agree with your description of how the senses operate at the macro level.
But the macro receives its information from the micro level and my experience is that this is in the form of wavelets. They are so subtle and last so briefly that experiencing them seems only possible because there are so many of them. When you can feel the root of every hair on your body and they are simply wavelets in a constant state of arising and passing away it is somewhat odd.
I know you discount the possibility of detached observation, but the mind is capable of very powerful states of concentration (or delusion if you prefer). Personally I have been able, at times, to maintain a single pointed observation without any thought processes for periods
of up to ninety minutes. This is not any sort of claim at expertise, the universe probably thinks my thoughts aren't worth having so shut them off. At this stage there is another total contradiction in terms. The observer and the observed are inseparable. This leads to the Jhana state "I read about in a magazine" and the whole concept of a self is thrown out the window.
The sensations of which you become aware of prior to these circumstances could easily, and perhaps correctly, be argued as imagination from sensory deprivation. Whatever the cause they range from horrendous solid pain to subtle wavelets. By remaining detached and observing the solid pain this in turn eventually dissolves in to wavelets and disappears.
Most people assume that meditation is all about blissing out and groovy visuals. This has not been my experience. The technique is simplicity itself but has been the hardest thing I have attempted in my life. During the process I get confronted with every psychological hangup I've ever had. In the early years of my practice the sensations were all horrendous and sometimes made me think I was losing my sanity (maybe I did). On one twenty day course I attended, whenever I sat down, and closed my eyes, my body was instantly thrown to the floor where I thrashed around like an epileptic for 2 or 3 hours. This went on for nine days before it stopped. And yes it ended in a cloud of subtle wavelets.
So why do I bother? It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't done it. My best attempt would be to say it's like having a troublesome tooth removed. The process is unpleasant but the result of the relief is lasting. Gradually over the years I've lost an enormous amount of my hangups etc. As bizarre as it may sound I feel myself getting constantly lighter and hollow.
Several years ago when I got somewhat freaked out by what was happening I nearly quit. Instead I decided that as life was just an experiment I'd stick with this proceedure and see where it lead. I'm glad I did. Each year it just gets better. I have no idea of where it's all leading, but the experiences have convinced me (deluded if you wish) that there is no difference between me and the universe. What drives it drives me, so the concept of death holds no sense of apprehension.
Sorry about the long rave, you may be right and what I've described is all delusion and nothing to do with sub atomic particles. But what I have experienced makes me think that the physicists will discover that electromagnetics is the main glue throughout the Universe. Another unprovable assumption just to prove my delusions.
I find the intellectual mind games so greatly prized by the establishment interesting, but somewhat lacking in offering solutions. 
