I must just rust
Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2023 8:36 pm
My life is, was, and will always be a waste. And for whatever reason, I don't want it any other way. My father was never particularly proud of me. My old friends from my past life before I was diagnosed don't want to have anything to do with me because whenever I encounter them, their first instinct seems to be to try to help me like I'm a pathetic retard. As soon as words exit my mouth people want me to say something different. In effect, no one wants to hear me or be around me.
I'm like a failed species all to myself, a dead branch on the family tree, a waste of space.
And I was dead on arrival. Since my earliest childhood memories, I would brood and my mind would wander off into the most depressing thoughts. I used to talk to myself and journal a lot. Then, when I first became diagnosed with "mental illness", I threw the whole stack of journals I had accumulated into the fireplace and burned them.
I published a book of poetry. It's mostly simplistic rhymes. I think it sold maybe 15 copies or something. Now it's just sitting on Amazon, taking up bandwidth. It seems fitting. I was always an asshole anyway. No one could stand being around me for long.
Philosophy and art are little more than graffiti to me. It's like pissing my name in the snow. It sticks around for a day or so and then disappears as though it was never here.
The first program I was taught in high school computer lab, was to get a computer to run the words "hello, world" on the screen. Hurray! That was interesting for about 10 minutes.
I should have been named Huckleberry, Icabod, or Ebeneezer. I feel like I fit those names better than "Gary". When I think of the name Gary I immediately think of one of Howard Stern's ridiculous sidekicks or a pet clam (or whatever it is) on the cartoon "Sponge Bob". My name was made for mockery. It's become a symbol of mockery.
I decree that from here forth no child should ever be named "Gary". It's like a person naming their kid "Hitler". The name should be stricken from the human lexicon.
I'm like a failed species all to myself, a dead branch on the family tree, a waste of space.
And I was dead on arrival. Since my earliest childhood memories, I would brood and my mind would wander off into the most depressing thoughts. I used to talk to myself and journal a lot. Then, when I first became diagnosed with "mental illness", I threw the whole stack of journals I had accumulated into the fireplace and burned them.
I published a book of poetry. It's mostly simplistic rhymes. I think it sold maybe 15 copies or something. Now it's just sitting on Amazon, taking up bandwidth. It seems fitting. I was always an asshole anyway. No one could stand being around me for long.
Philosophy and art are little more than graffiti to me. It's like pissing my name in the snow. It sticks around for a day or so and then disappears as though it was never here.
The first program I was taught in high school computer lab, was to get a computer to run the words "hello, world" on the screen. Hurray! That was interesting for about 10 minutes.
I should have been named Huckleberry, Icabod, or Ebeneezer. I feel like I fit those names better than "Gary". When I think of the name Gary I immediately think of one of Howard Stern's ridiculous sidekicks or a pet clam (or whatever it is) on the cartoon "Sponge Bob". My name was made for mockery. It's become a symbol of mockery.
I decree that from here forth no child should ever be named "Gary". It's like a person naming their kid "Hitler". The name should be stricken from the human lexicon.
You could go out in the field and take storm measurements... report from the eye of the hurricane... exciting stuff like that. Maybe you'd forget about all of your aggravations if you were focused on gathering data while staying alive. I dunno... just a thought. 
