Coping with Mental Illness
Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2018 11:30 pm
Dealing with a mentally ill parent has been difficult my entire life. Now I am dealing with a mentally ill elderly parent and it is harder than I ever imagined.
The problem is I developed the skills to handle the abuse, the drama, the control....in the past.... I simply took the good and walked away from the abuse...easy. I visited the nice person and politely excused myself when the abuse personality showed up.
This worked for years.
The problem is now, my mom broke both shoulders and can't do anything for herself. Not only that...she has other serious complications ...pneumonia, diverticulitis, and now blood clots have formed in her lungs. She is understandably terrifled but also out of her mind unreasonable. She is screaming and yelling threatening to walk out of the hospital and go to another hospital despite docs telling her it is dangerous and telling her that insurance won't pay for it if she does.
She could lose everything.
That worries me for various reasons....
1.even if she gets moved there is no guarantee the other hospital will do anything. In fact, she has so many new things wrong, i am certain that they won't....i.e. she wants all her old meds, even though they are not comparable with some of the new meds.
2.The move itself would be dangerous, she's in Afib.
3.She changes her mind on a dime, and will certainly demand to go back to the first hospital or another hospital if they do not tell her what she wants to hear
4. She could lose everything and not have enough money left to take care of herself if she has to go to assisted living or if she gets another illness.
Etc.
She is screaming and yelling and basically acting stark raving mad...which shocks the nurses a doctor's so bad they are bringing in a psychologist to give her an evaluation. I told them that this is how she has always behaved...the trouble is, now her unreasonable behaviour is a threat to her health.
I told them that she will be totally sane with the psychologist. Despite everyone in the hospital seeing her irrational behavior at the time.
This dynamic has gone on my whole life for various reasons, whether if it was someone trying to "kill her" or if it was someone who said something to lead her to believe they were "evil" in some way...its always drama. I can never be sure if it's drama or insanity. I'm not a professional...so I can't say for sure.
Despite everything I love my mother and want the best for her. Today when I tried to reason with her she told me all I wanted was the money. A tactic she has used throughout the years with everyone.
I said, "I never wanted or expected any of your money. "
She said, "Then why are you still here?!"
I said, "it's called unconditional love. I'm trying to save your life."
Side note...she doesn't have any money. She has 2 houses...not paid off. If she blows all that money on one illness...she has nothing left for the next illness. So you can see my delimma. I can't physically or mentally take care of her even if I wanted to...which I don't.
But you can't reason with her...no one ever could. This time is different though...this time her life is in jeopardy.
It's so hard to watch someone do something against their best interest....but moreso If it's a parent or your child.
Anyone have any advice?
The problem is I developed the skills to handle the abuse, the drama, the control....in the past.... I simply took the good and walked away from the abuse...easy. I visited the nice person and politely excused myself when the abuse personality showed up.
This worked for years.
The problem is now, my mom broke both shoulders and can't do anything for herself. Not only that...she has other serious complications ...pneumonia, diverticulitis, and now blood clots have formed in her lungs. She is understandably terrifled but also out of her mind unreasonable. She is screaming and yelling threatening to walk out of the hospital and go to another hospital despite docs telling her it is dangerous and telling her that insurance won't pay for it if she does.
She could lose everything.
That worries me for various reasons....
1.even if she gets moved there is no guarantee the other hospital will do anything. In fact, she has so many new things wrong, i am certain that they won't....i.e. she wants all her old meds, even though they are not comparable with some of the new meds.
2.The move itself would be dangerous, she's in Afib.
3.She changes her mind on a dime, and will certainly demand to go back to the first hospital or another hospital if they do not tell her what she wants to hear
4. She could lose everything and not have enough money left to take care of herself if she has to go to assisted living or if she gets another illness.
Etc.
She is screaming and yelling and basically acting stark raving mad...which shocks the nurses a doctor's so bad they are bringing in a psychologist to give her an evaluation. I told them that this is how she has always behaved...the trouble is, now her unreasonable behaviour is a threat to her health.
I told them that she will be totally sane with the psychologist. Despite everyone in the hospital seeing her irrational behavior at the time.
This dynamic has gone on my whole life for various reasons, whether if it was someone trying to "kill her" or if it was someone who said something to lead her to believe they were "evil" in some way...its always drama. I can never be sure if it's drama or insanity. I'm not a professional...so I can't say for sure.
Despite everything I love my mother and want the best for her. Today when I tried to reason with her she told me all I wanted was the money. A tactic she has used throughout the years with everyone.
I said, "I never wanted or expected any of your money. "
She said, "Then why are you still here?!"
I said, "it's called unconditional love. I'm trying to save your life."
Side note...she doesn't have any money. She has 2 houses...not paid off. If she blows all that money on one illness...she has nothing left for the next illness. So you can see my delimma. I can't physically or mentally take care of her even if I wanted to...which I don't.
But you can't reason with her...no one ever could. This time is different though...this time her life is in jeopardy.
It's so hard to watch someone do something against their best interest....but moreso If it's a parent or your child.
Anyone have any advice?