Life is overrated.
Posted: Sun Nov 05, 2017 4:38 pm
I go to bed watching Cartoon Network, its the only channel I don't have to pay for. I see Family Guy, its uber violent, then Dragonball Z, uber violent masculine men. Then another show, with mostly men in it, about violence. Then another show, with mech warriors in space, gundam wing, uber violent and nothing but violence.
I began to think about how stupid violence is. I just wanted peace. To live as a forest fairie, without violence. So I shut off the show, and went to bed.
I realized life is overrated. I just want to be a tree. I just want to go into the dirt, and be absorbed, my consciousness Mother Nature. No boredom, no stress, just being a tree.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxwlwVxLoFc
Then I was rudely woken up at 2 AM at night. 2 psychopath psychotics live above me, the Male was hitting things and screaming at the top of his lungs. The woman was screaming for help. I thought about calling the cops, but I said why bother. I thought about going up there and beating him with a hammer, but I said why bother. It didn't seem like he was trying to kill her, just having some kind of psychotic insane argument drama. Very rude. I felt the femininity in me go away. I was thinking of pleasant songs, then all of a sudden I hear yelling and violence, then the feminity goes away, I feel on edge, fight or flight response, I start to feel angry and male, like DragonballZ.
I think about going up there to save the woman, but I say no. This woman would probably just reject me like all the others. She chose her fate. She chose her abusive boyfriend instead of me. She has to face her fate, on her own. And I go back to bed. But then again I woken up 5 minutes later. They kill my feminine vibes and ruin me. Again I feel angry and male, like Dragonball Z. And this happens over and over again, for the next half hour. It starts to remind me of when I used to live with my parents, and they'd bicker and yell in the middle of night. I start to fill with angry male destructive rage. I start to feel paranoid. Does he have a gun? Will he shoot it through the floor at me? I start to fill with rage.
I hear a dog barking in a cage upstairs. Sometimes they leave the dog in a cage all alone. I wonder if that Dog has consciousness. I wonder how miserable it is.
Then I think about the nature of reality. What causes the seed of life to enter it? Its so sad. Sad that the male started off as a pure seed of innocence, but grew into a violent, brutal monster. Sad the male thinks he has to act this way. Sad that consciousness enters his woman. Sad that consciousness enters his dog. And then I started to realize, life is not a blessing, but a curse. A curse people get delusional attachment to, and fight for. But what is there to celebrate? Why does the seed of life, the seed of innocent and beauty, enter such miserable circumstances? To be trapped in a physical cage? It is all so sad.
And this morning, I am greeted to more violence against me, on this forums. I am attacked for not crucifying michael jackson like the others. I am threatened and censored. I am continually called hurtful names and accusations. Again they greet me to the insane violence and brutality of the human specie. Life is overrated.
I began to think about how stupid violence is. I just wanted peace. To live as a forest fairie, without violence. So I shut off the show, and went to bed.
I realized life is overrated. I just want to be a tree. I just want to go into the dirt, and be absorbed, my consciousness Mother Nature. No boredom, no stress, just being a tree.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxwlwVxLoFc
Then I was rudely woken up at 2 AM at night. 2 psychopath psychotics live above me, the Male was hitting things and screaming at the top of his lungs. The woman was screaming for help. I thought about calling the cops, but I said why bother. I thought about going up there and beating him with a hammer, but I said why bother. It didn't seem like he was trying to kill her, just having some kind of psychotic insane argument drama. Very rude. I felt the femininity in me go away. I was thinking of pleasant songs, then all of a sudden I hear yelling and violence, then the feminity goes away, I feel on edge, fight or flight response, I start to feel angry and male, like DragonballZ.
I think about going up there to save the woman, but I say no. This woman would probably just reject me like all the others. She chose her fate. She chose her abusive boyfriend instead of me. She has to face her fate, on her own. And I go back to bed. But then again I woken up 5 minutes later. They kill my feminine vibes and ruin me. Again I feel angry and male, like Dragonball Z. And this happens over and over again, for the next half hour. It starts to remind me of when I used to live with my parents, and they'd bicker and yell in the middle of night. I start to fill with angry male destructive rage. I start to feel paranoid. Does he have a gun? Will he shoot it through the floor at me? I start to fill with rage.
I hear a dog barking in a cage upstairs. Sometimes they leave the dog in a cage all alone. I wonder if that Dog has consciousness. I wonder how miserable it is.
Then I think about the nature of reality. What causes the seed of life to enter it? Its so sad. Sad that the male started off as a pure seed of innocence, but grew into a violent, brutal monster. Sad the male thinks he has to act this way. Sad that consciousness enters his woman. Sad that consciousness enters his dog. And then I started to realize, life is not a blessing, but a curse. A curse people get delusional attachment to, and fight for. But what is there to celebrate? Why does the seed of life, the seed of innocent and beauty, enter such miserable circumstances? To be trapped in a physical cage? It is all so sad.
And this morning, I am greeted to more violence against me, on this forums. I am attacked for not crucifying michael jackson like the others. I am threatened and censored. I am continually called hurtful names and accusations. Again they greet me to the insane violence and brutality of the human specie. Life is overrated.
