Philosophy Now Forum

We all die some day. We don’t like to think about it and keep ourselves busy, starting projects with definite goals and completion timeframes and that gives us a feeling of permanence. We don’t look beyond the projected end-dates, this way we don’t have to think about the futility of it all.

Don’t take me wrong, I am not depressed or scared, I am only brutally honest with myself.

What intrigues me is that my death will be a unique event in the universe. It has never happened before and it will only happen once. The fact that billions of human beings have died during history and a lot more will, every day, is not really relevant. My death will still be a unique event.

In a way, when I die, the world will die too. My world. The only one that exists for me. The one that started when I was born and will end with me. All the stars will wink out, all the people, cities, buildings, mountains, oceans will be gone too. Cats, dogs, butterflies, squirrels, deer, raccoons, roses, sunflowers all disappear.

I was totally convinced about oblivion after a surgery. I remember the doctor talking to me and then, in an eye-blink, talking to me again – except that was 3 hours later. I had total oblivion for 3 hours. If that can happen for 3 hours, it can happen for eternity.

In view of the above, I find human causes and obsessions pretty silly. Why work ourselves up into a state, why get so excited about non-issues? Try to live, day by day, the best way we can, without hurting anyone, maximizing comfort and minimizing pain. It will be over soon.

Of course young people (which I am not) can not live like that, they need to believe in the future, they need to have goals and a feeling of progress, accomplishments. However, one word of caution: don’t live too much in the future: enjoy every second of your life in the present to the fullest because it will never come back. With every extra day you live, you have one less day left.

When you find yourself old, with a few years, maybe a decade left to live, your understanding (both intellectual and emotional) is a lot deeper. Now you know that it can happen any day. By now you have seen people dying, their lives slipping away into oblivion, their bodies rendered to ashes – you know that your turn will come soon. You may have spent days, months, years by the bedside of a cherished person, suffering from a deadly disease, praying to a god you never believed in, for recovery.

The enormity of the concept, the finality, the relentlessness of marching, day by day, toward oblivion makes it so real that no teenager, or even middle aged person can experience (with a very few exceptions).

You find yourself slowly putting your affairs in order, summarizing your life experiences in your writings, worrying about those you will leave behind. You stop taking issues seriously, issues that made you burn with passion before suddenly start looking silly.

You also start feeling what a precious gift life has been, what a marvelous opportunity it was to live on this planet with all its beauty, truth and love. You will start cherishing every moment in every day with an intensity you never felt before. A sunset, the flight of a bird, the cavorting of a kitten, the smile on the face of your beloved, become glorious reminders of what life is about. When you reach this stage, you are ready, you have finally understood life and made your peace with death.

No teenager or young adult should experience this ahead of their time. They need to live in their present, plan for their future, be passionate about issues, experience the thrill of new discoveries, new truths, find soulmates, have a family, find their place in the world.

Experiencing the ephemeral nature of all that, with the finality of old age, would be a cruel and unusual punishment. They should celebrate their existence in the best way possible: with creativity, with accomplishments, with love. I know I did and I am happy nobody robbed me of it. Not that they could have -- I was irrepressible!

With this cheerful thought I will go back to tending my greenhouse because I like to eat my own home-grown fresh tomatoes all year around.

PS. Oh, I forgot to ask my question!

How do you feel about your own inevitable death,regardless how far you think it might be in the future?

I think we should all be able to choose when we die, in as dignified and painless a way as possible.We certainly have the means. Not everyone wants to cling to it for as long as possible, and there are far too many of us anyway.

Ned, a little aside from me.

I have 7 grandchildren, but I am a little closer to 2 of them than the others, because I have been taking care of those 2 since birth till they started school. The boy (now 9) was 3 yrs. and about 10 mo's and showed no interest in using the potty. I was tired of changing diapers so I potty trained him in 3 days. The girl (now 5) announced at age 3 that she wanted to start using the potty, so all we needed to do was to encourage and occasionally remind her. One day just before she turned 3, I was changing her diaper and I made my self a promise, I was going to be there to change her child's diaper, or at least help. I'm figuring I'll be in my late 80's when that happens.

I know parents are not supposed to have favorites, but I think if I were to die too soon, I would miss seeing her grow up more than any of the others.

vegetariantaxidermy wrote:I think we should all be able to choose when we die, in as dignified and painless a way as possible.We certainly have the means. Not everyone wants to cling to it for as long as possible, and there are far too many of us anyway.

Agreed, 100%!

Ned wrote:PS. Oh, I forgot to ask my question!

How do you feel about your own inevitable death,regardless how far you think it might be in the future?

Like others, I hope it is painless both for myself and others who might witness/imagine it.
Once I thought I would like to die in something like a plane crash; an instant death with no knowledge of it happening.
Now, I would like to feel the passing and have something sensible in my mind. Even to be able to communicate with my self - a final 'Aha! moment.
I would not like to hear the comments of others around my death bed, without being able to communicate.
No torture, please.

Ned wrote:

vegetariantaxidermy wrote:I think we should all be able to choose when we die, in as dignified and painless a way as possible.We certainly have the means. Not everyone wants to cling to it for as long as possible, and there are far too many of us anyway.

Agreed, 100%!

First, we can choose when we die - see, e.g., Robin Williams

Second, why does dignity matter when you will not be around to see the aftermath? Are you still worried what others will think of you even after you've gone? That seems strange to me.

Third - the pain thing I get.

Ned wrote:
How do you feel about your own inevitable death regardless how far you think it might be in the future

I am as free as it is possible to be while still being alive because I have no fear of death after making my peace with it last year
There is no point in being afraid of it because one is going to a better place and also because one can not experience it anyway
I find that by removing myself from interaction with others means I will have less desire to hang on to life when it is time to go
I have no children so were I to die right now I would not be leaving anyone behind so death can come for me whenever it wants

Wyman wrote:

Ned wrote:

vegetariantaxidermy wrote:I think we should all be able to choose when we die, in as dignified and painless a way as possible.We certainly have the means. Not everyone wants to cling to it for as long as possible, and there are far too many of us anyway.

Agreed, 100%!

First, we can choose when we die - see, e.g., Robin Williams

Second, why does dignity matter when you will not be around to see the aftermath? Are you still worried what others will think of you even after you've gone? That seems strange to me.

Third - the pain thing I get.

I am sure you know what I mean. Suicide often goes horribly wrong. By 'dignified' I mean before you are dribbling with dementia. Before incontinence sets in. Before your family are counting down the days and wishing you would just hurry up and die. Before the pain gets unbearable. Before you are staring into space all day in an old person's home.....

vegetariantaxidermy wrote:I am sure you know what I mean. Suicide often goes horribly wrong. By 'dignified' I mean before you are dribbling with dementia. Before incontinence sets in. Before your family are counting down the days and wishing you would just hurry up and die. Before the pain gets unbearable. Before you are staring into space all day in an old person's home.....

Well said, VT!

I hope to die in my sleep. I hope to fall asleep and never to wake up again.

Every day is a gift, but on some days we are not good at celebrating this gift.

What are your methods to make the best of a "bad" day ?

duszek wrote:What are your methods to make the best of a "bad" day ?

I invented mental games to counter depression. I have the kind of depression when I find it difficult to make any effort, when nothing seems worth the trouble. It does not happen often, but it is very unpleasant.

I imagine that I won 10 million on the lottery and start daydreaming about what I would do with it, how I would start, and really immerse myself in the fantasy. I imagine that I start an animal sanctuary on my land and hire people to help me with the project. I imagine that I start a fund for talented young artists and writers and musicians who celebrate the human spirit. These thoughts often cheer me up.

Sometime I think that now that I am retired, I have everything I could have killed for when I was young: I have no pressure of any kind, except those I put on myself. I am in excellent health, I am living in the country on 50 acres, surrounded by nature. I have exciting projects going in science, music, gardening, wood carving and have 24 hours a day to indulge in any of them. So I shame myself into shaking off the bad thoughts.

But most often I remember my youth, try to recall the happy adventures of body and mind and tell myself that there is no reason to quit life -- there is so much to live for.

How do you feel about your own inevitable death,regardless how far you think it might be in the future?

I don't like death. It's not a good thing, and I think we all know that. It's an enemy to life, and to us, and I think was not what we were designed for. I don't wish it upon anyone.

But me?

Ready. Not in a hurry, but happy and at peace.

Do you have problems with voles, Ned ?

My friend rents a garden and voles eat his vegetables from beneath.