Philosophy Now Forum

How long would be satisfactory to try out something before committing, e.g. marriage or a job? (from the prospective employer's viewpoint as well as the employee's)

A rule of thumb I've heard is to get acquainted for six months before committing. Do you think that's long enough?

PhilX

Yes it all depends on the relativity between you and the event.

Wasting 6 months on "trying out" seems heavily unsatisfactory in both cases.

You'll have to make up a certainty about yourself that is sufficient for you to actually do the stuff you are about to commit yourself to, and trying it out is not something people have the time for. Either you're in, or you're out. The trying out part is not actually present, but there's a legitimate part called "exploring". For a job, you'll usually do that while attending university or college. For a marriage, you do that when you spend time with each other.

It's like starting a business... you don't tell yourself "weeeell... I can try it for 6 months and we'll see", no you say to yourself "let's make money! let's produce cool products! let me follow my passion and get paid for it!". When the matter is as serious as you deal with there, you either commit or you don't. If the thing is not what you expected, you can always leave anyways, and if you didn't find a reason to not want it while exploring, you weren't really paying attention if you end up ending it anyways. Or perhaps outside forces influence you in ways that are unpredictable or wrong.

2 years to the day, from first date to marriage. That was 36 years ago, going on 37 in March.

thedoc wrote:2 years to the day, from first date to marriage. That was 36 years ago, going on 37 in March.

Congratulations.

I was trying out my new job at Cablevision for six months before committing (meaning before leaving my old job at Macy's Home Cleaning for good so I was working two jobs simultaneously - main reason for leaving was money as I was getting paid time and a half at Cablevision along with a higher hourly rate plus commission - the healthcare plan that Cablevision had was good too).

PhilX

There is not an absolute universal answer to this question as what determines
whether or not one should stay or go might be predicated upon future events
One can only go on what has already happened and not on what shall happen
So the best option therefore would be to make regular objective judgements
based upon what is known rather than unfounded assumptions on what is not

If none of the two parties is scheming and trying to manipulate then two parties can decide about a marriage pretty soon.

If they both know what they want as regards common children, lodgings, leisure activities, social ambitions, financial security, and strike a good deal for both of them.