My dear fear Part 2: Living with Roger
Posted: Fri Apr 12, 2013 1:38 pm
When i came home friday 13th evening, my bad cat Roger prepared a little surprise party for me:
Somehow he slipped out of his room and messed up my own timespace with an almost perfect chaos.
ME (with quite some fear-based anger):
Now what the DAMN happened here...?!?
ROGER (smiling innocently):
Oh, well, you obviously forgot your promise to give me
some stereo cables to chew on. So i decided to look for them
on my own. And guess what: i found them behind your ex-tapestry.
Neat hideaway, of course!
ME (picking some sharp glass shards from the rug):
But ... OUCH! ...why the heck did you fuck up my whole room then?
ROGER:
Well, you didn´t tell me where to look. And since i had so much time
to hang around, i decided to do you a favour and redecorated your
boring place into something more ... appropriate. Nice, eh?
ME (putting a fistful of fingers into the apple-big tapestry holes):
Ahm ... kind of. Looks a bit ... uhm ... fractalized now, doesn´t it?
ROGER:
What did you expect? It was oh-so cold-neat in here i felt like locked
in a museum or church or something. (nodding to the left where all
my mixed-up chessboard figures seemed to perform a passive-aggressive
freefield attack against my nerve costume:) What are those exactly?
ME (cleaning up a bit of absent minded:)
Uh ... what? Oh - that belongs to my chessboard. It´s a kind of
logic game. Did you see the checkered crate that belongs to them?
ROGER:
What - that´s a GAME? To me it appeared like some old-fashioned catbox.
Sorry about the urine stains. How does it work?
ME: (sigh):
I told you it´s a logic game. Nothing a cat would prefer, i assume.
You´ll have to make one reasonable step after another.
In the end the winner will be the one who was better in avoiding
any emotional headoverheels-attacks.
ROGER (bursts out laughing):
PFFFT ...! You clever humans again. To cats playing is about learning
to trust ones own instinct for survival. What could one learn by such
an unrealistic thingy?
ME:
Well, you learn to focus to the actual situation which most of the time
is NOT about survival. Because there are two players with totally different
approaches you´ll have to watch carefully what the other one does and
react flexible to any strategy he comes up with.
ROGER:
BOOOring!!! Cats are perfectly flexible by nature. Try to throw me out
a window - i´ll always land on my feet again. Well, a BIT more sore
than before, of course (*twinkle*).
(smoothly switching the subject):
Now about that stereo cables: They didn´t taste quite mice.
They didn´t squeak properly. AND they did some terribly ouchy stuff
to me when i bit them.
ME (exchanging the old cables for some new ones):
I never told you they wouldn´t. You asked for them by yourself, remember...?
ROGER (slightly embarrassed):
So why are you making such a fuss about it? What are those good for anyway?
ME:
Well, it´s for enjoyment and to relax after some hard times.
You can listen to music with it.
ROGER:
What´s that "muzak" stuff you´re talking about? Edible or what?
ME (crawling him):
No, that´s more the thing we humans do by lacking such a
nice purr that you got.
ROGER (smiling snobby):
Ah, just another deficit compensation of your kind.
Should have known before.
ME (finishing fixing the cables):
I bet you did. Wanna give it a try? I got some nice CDs we
might share later on. (grabbing into my sidepocket and revealing
a little white rubber mouse to him).But first here i got something else for you!
ROGER (happy as hell):
MOAOW! A MOUSE! Great stuff! Never had one of those before.
Is it a real one...?
ME:
It´s even better. Because it never dies at all and you might play
with it for a very very long time.
ROGER:
Uh, THAT´s nice. A perfect toy! Thanx! You know, i never saw
a mouse that slow.(sniffing at it)
And it does not have that terrible mouse stink either. Beautiful!
It´s got a name or what?
ME:
It´s YOUR toy, not mine. Humans don´t play with rubber mice
very often. Anything in mind ...?
ROGER (thinking):
Looks a bit female to me, though. (bites it a bit).
Oh, it makes some noise! GOT to be female then. Neat!
I guess i´ll call it HOPE. Whaddaya think?
ME:
Sounds perfect. Now try to finish it off.
ROGER (flashing his eyes):
Righto! Watch this ... (luring, then jumping): (*SQUEAK*) Got it!
(*SQUEAK*) Again!!! (*SQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAK*) ...harr, harr,
i just LOVE it!
ME:
Don´t try too hard. It was the last one in shop.
Next one would be alive then.
ROGER:
Don´t you DARE bring a real mouse in here, bugger!
They use to scurry around so much, building a nest in
every single corner and, of course, grow in number so rapidly!
That makes me kinda nervous. I personally like this
indestructible singularity type more.
ME (smiling ironically):
I bet you do. You seem to be as lazy as i am.
ROGER (smiling back):
YOU are the lazy human in here, Tom. I´m just SMART.
Energy saving means everything for a perfect hunter.
ME(surprised):
Wow!!! Got to write that one to my bathroom mirror.
ROGER:
Save your time. I already scratched it in when you
were out.(*SQUEAK*) Harr, harr ...! Now enough of that
(leaves the mouse at last).What about this muzak thingy again?
ME:
Shall i explain it to you or what?
ROGER (snobbish):
Cats don´t fiddle with theory. Gimme a practical shot. if i like it,
i still might ask you about it later on.
ME (sitting on my couch and searching for some catty CDs):
All right, come over here and we´ll find out if there´s some "muzak" you like.
ROGER (jumping on my lap and purring while skipping through the racks):
What about that one ...?
So we sat together that weekend and Roger did a really nice DJ job.
Here´s his very first Top 10 playlist and i have to admit, it made me cry a bit:
01. Atomic Kitten: Whole Again
02. Stefanie Heinzmann: The Unforgiven
03. Walk Off The Earth: Somebody That I Used To Know
04. Christy Moore: Ride On
05. Luka Bloom: Black Is The Colour
06. Bjork: Hidden Place
07. David Gray: A Century Ends
08. Barry McGuire: Eve Of Destruction
09. Marillion: Heart Of Lothian
10. Joe Satriani: Always With Me, Always With You
Dear entity, i don't know if this can be of any help to your own troubles
but i surely hope that your personal cat, whatever its name is,
gets the message.
Somehow he slipped out of his room and messed up my own timespace with an almost perfect chaos.
ME (with quite some fear-based anger):
Now what the DAMN happened here...?!?
ROGER (smiling innocently):
Oh, well, you obviously forgot your promise to give me
some stereo cables to chew on. So i decided to look for them
on my own. And guess what: i found them behind your ex-tapestry.
Neat hideaway, of course!
ME (picking some sharp glass shards from the rug):
But ... OUCH! ...why the heck did you fuck up my whole room then?
ROGER:
Well, you didn´t tell me where to look. And since i had so much time
to hang around, i decided to do you a favour and redecorated your
boring place into something more ... appropriate. Nice, eh?
ME (putting a fistful of fingers into the apple-big tapestry holes):
Ahm ... kind of. Looks a bit ... uhm ... fractalized now, doesn´t it?
ROGER:
What did you expect? It was oh-so cold-neat in here i felt like locked
in a museum or church or something. (nodding to the left where all
my mixed-up chessboard figures seemed to perform a passive-aggressive
freefield attack against my nerve costume:) What are those exactly?
ME (cleaning up a bit of absent minded:)
Uh ... what? Oh - that belongs to my chessboard. It´s a kind of
logic game. Did you see the checkered crate that belongs to them?
ROGER:
What - that´s a GAME? To me it appeared like some old-fashioned catbox.
Sorry about the urine stains. How does it work?
ME: (sigh):
I told you it´s a logic game. Nothing a cat would prefer, i assume.
You´ll have to make one reasonable step after another.
In the end the winner will be the one who was better in avoiding
any emotional headoverheels-attacks.
ROGER (bursts out laughing):
PFFFT ...! You clever humans again. To cats playing is about learning
to trust ones own instinct for survival. What could one learn by such
an unrealistic thingy?
ME:
Well, you learn to focus to the actual situation which most of the time
is NOT about survival. Because there are two players with totally different
approaches you´ll have to watch carefully what the other one does and
react flexible to any strategy he comes up with.
ROGER:
BOOOring!!! Cats are perfectly flexible by nature. Try to throw me out
a window - i´ll always land on my feet again. Well, a BIT more sore
than before, of course (*twinkle*).
(smoothly switching the subject):
Now about that stereo cables: They didn´t taste quite mice.
They didn´t squeak properly. AND they did some terribly ouchy stuff
to me when i bit them.
ME (exchanging the old cables for some new ones):
I never told you they wouldn´t. You asked for them by yourself, remember...?
ROGER (slightly embarrassed):
So why are you making such a fuss about it? What are those good for anyway?
ME:
Well, it´s for enjoyment and to relax after some hard times.
You can listen to music with it.
ROGER:
What´s that "muzak" stuff you´re talking about? Edible or what?
ME (crawling him):
No, that´s more the thing we humans do by lacking such a
nice purr that you got.
ROGER (smiling snobby):
Ah, just another deficit compensation of your kind.
Should have known before.
ME (finishing fixing the cables):
I bet you did. Wanna give it a try? I got some nice CDs we
might share later on. (grabbing into my sidepocket and revealing
a little white rubber mouse to him).But first here i got something else for you!
ROGER (happy as hell):
MOAOW! A MOUSE! Great stuff! Never had one of those before.
Is it a real one...?
ME:
It´s even better. Because it never dies at all and you might play
with it for a very very long time.
ROGER:
Uh, THAT´s nice. A perfect toy! Thanx! You know, i never saw
a mouse that slow.(sniffing at it)
And it does not have that terrible mouse stink either. Beautiful!
It´s got a name or what?
ME:
It´s YOUR toy, not mine. Humans don´t play with rubber mice
very often. Anything in mind ...?
ROGER (thinking):
Looks a bit female to me, though. (bites it a bit).
Oh, it makes some noise! GOT to be female then. Neat!
I guess i´ll call it HOPE. Whaddaya think?
ME:
Sounds perfect. Now try to finish it off.
ROGER (flashing his eyes):
Righto! Watch this ... (luring, then jumping): (*SQUEAK*) Got it!
(*SQUEAK*) Again!!! (*SQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAK*) ...harr, harr,
i just LOVE it!
ME:
Don´t try too hard. It was the last one in shop.
Next one would be alive then.
ROGER:
Don´t you DARE bring a real mouse in here, bugger!
They use to scurry around so much, building a nest in
every single corner and, of course, grow in number so rapidly!
That makes me kinda nervous. I personally like this
indestructible singularity type more.
ME (smiling ironically):
I bet you do. You seem to be as lazy as i am.
ROGER (smiling back):
YOU are the lazy human in here, Tom. I´m just SMART.
Energy saving means everything for a perfect hunter.
ME(surprised):
Wow!!! Got to write that one to my bathroom mirror.
ROGER:
Save your time. I already scratched it in when you
were out.(*SQUEAK*) Harr, harr ...! Now enough of that
(leaves the mouse at last).What about this muzak thingy again?
ME:
Shall i explain it to you or what?
ROGER (snobbish):
Cats don´t fiddle with theory. Gimme a practical shot. if i like it,
i still might ask you about it later on.
ME (sitting on my couch and searching for some catty CDs):
All right, come over here and we´ll find out if there´s some "muzak" you like.
ROGER (jumping on my lap and purring while skipping through the racks):
What about that one ...?
So we sat together that weekend and Roger did a really nice DJ job.
Here´s his very first Top 10 playlist and i have to admit, it made me cry a bit:
01. Atomic Kitten: Whole Again
02. Stefanie Heinzmann: The Unforgiven
03. Walk Off The Earth: Somebody That I Used To Know
04. Christy Moore: Ride On
05. Luka Bloom: Black Is The Colour
06. Bjork: Hidden Place
07. David Gray: A Century Ends
08. Barry McGuire: Eve Of Destruction
09. Marillion: Heart Of Lothian
10. Joe Satriani: Always With Me, Always With You
Dear entity, i don't know if this can be of any help to your own troubles
but i surely hope that your personal cat, whatever its name is,
gets the message.