The Church of No One Truth (NOT): A Cautionary Tale
A Play of Three Acts of Three Scenes Each
Act one, scene two >>
Act one, scene one
Characters:
Bjorn aGus: the parishioner born again - on his own terms - as AJ.
Pastor Wiola: the clergywoman with
wings
of
lace; rhymes with "viola".
Setting:
Inside the Church of No One Truth (NOT)
Bjorn aGus: Pastor Wiola, might I trouble you?
Pastor Wiola: Why, certainly, parishioner Bjorn aGus. What seems to be the problem?
Bjorn aGus: I think we need to sit down together somewhere, Pastor. This is serious.
Pastor Wiola: Please, parishioner Bjorn aGus, step into my office.
(
She opens the door and motions him in, following after him.)
Pastor Wiola: Take a seat.
Bjorn aGus: Oh, I couldn't possibly. They're all so delicately crocheted. I'd ruin them.
Pastor Wiola: Why don't you perch yourself on the corner of my desk then?
Bjorn aGus: I'd be glad to. Usually, it's me who's providing the hard wood, so I always appreciate it when a pastor provides it instead.
(
He sits on the corner of her desk, and she sits on her chair behind her desk.)
Pastor Wiola: Now, parishioner Bjorn aGus, please: unburden yourself.
Bjorn aGus: Well, it's about our Commandments.
Pastor Wiola: You mean "Commandment", I presume? In the singular.
Bjorn aGus: That's part of the problem, Pastor Wiola. Doesn't a singular Commandment seem a little... insufficient?
Pastor Wiola: "Thou shalt have no One Truth before thee but the One Truth that there is no One Truth." What could possibly be deficient about that?
Bjorn aGus: The thing is, Pastor Wiola, and I don't want to be heretical like that guy outside wearing the billboard, but... don't you think our Commandment is a little... well... and this is hard to say, but... isn't it possibly, uh, just a little... well, self-contradictory?
Pastor Wiola: Why, parishioner Bjorn aGus, whatever do you mean?
Bjorn aGus: I... uh... well... I... oh, nevermind.
Pastor Wiola: Spit it out, parishioner Bjorn aGus.
Bjorn aGus: Well, I mean, it seems to be saying at once that there is and that there isn't One Truth. I just can't make sense of it. It's really testing my faith.
Pastor Wiola: This is very pleasing to hear, parishioner Bjorn aGus. This represents good progress. You have reached the threshold of the next step on your journey: to recognise the paradoxical nature of reality. You seem ready, then, to recognise that our Commandment is, in fact, a koan.
Bjorn aGus: (
Taken aback a little) It is? I thought it might have just been a little badly worded.
Pastor Wiola: Heavens above! We have never had somebody solve the koan so quickly!
Bjorn aGus: (
Even more surprised) I solved it?
Pastor Wiola: That's correct, and in record speed.
Bjorn aGus: The solution is that it's badly worded?
Pastor Wiola: Correct, parishioner Bjorn aGus.
Bjorn aGus: Huh. Well, there you go.
Pastor Wiola: You understand the next step in your journey, I presume?
Bjorn aGus: I, uh... I mean... (
trailing off)
Pastor Wiola: (
A little impatiently) To discern the correct wording, of course!
Bjorn aGus: Oh. I was, uh - I was kind of hoping that we might make some... well, more specific ADDITIONS.
Pastor Wiola: (
Laughing) Oh, goodness me, parishioner Bjorn aGus, you are quite the joker. Of course, the aim is not to add but to subtract.
Bjorn aGus: And the paradox?
Pastor Wiola: Yes, yes, that can be done away with too.
Bjorn aGus: It can?
Pastor Wiola: Yes. You will soon discover as much for yourself. Now, unless there's anything else, parishioner Bjorn aGus, I wish you godspeed in your rewarding rewording adventures. Please return when you have achieved success.
(
She stands and opens the door for him, and he walks out.)
Act one, scene two >>