Quote of the day

[iambiguous]

Kathryn Stockett from The Help

My sister Doreena who never lifted a royal finger growing up because she had the heart defect that we later found out was a fly on the X-ray machine.

Let's call it the Benjamin Button Syndrome.

Down in the national news section, there's an article on a new pill, the 'Valium' they're calling it, 'to help women cope with everyday challenges.' God, I could use about ten of those little pills right now.

Then, for men, the 'viagra'.

She's got so many azalea bushes, her yard's going to look like Gone With the Wind come spring. I don't like azaleas and I sure didn't like that movie, the way they made slavery look like a big happy tea party. If I'd played Mammy, I'd of told Scarlett to stick those green draperies up her white little pooper. Make her own damn man-catching dress.

Tell that to Sofia.

Rich folk don't try so hard.

They'll hire you to.

I wait on white ladies who walk right out the bedroom wearing nothing but they personality...

Like we need to know that.

I'm tired of the rules, I say.

When you're "the help".

[Gary Childress]

Those who don't have anything good to do think instead.

[Gary Childress]

When economists don't want to die, they produce counterfeit money.

SAVE YOUR MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Gary Childress]

Spending booms end in busts. Spending booms created for their own sake create inflation which produces a balloon. Balloons are filled with air.

SAVE THE AIR!!!!!!!!

[Gary Childress]

OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!!! If economists create counterfeit money, then does that mean I'm creating counterfeit satire? Hmmm.

[Gary Childress]

Hello NASA, can you send me some money? I'm not sure if I can live in this new habitat without money. Again, can you hear me? Is this microphone working? Hmmm.

[Gary Childress]

If "economists" produce counterfeit money in order to remain economists, then what do psychiatrists do when they want to remain psychiatrists?

[Gary Childress]

Hello NASA, this is Gary Childress. I may have found a cure for mental illness. Can you send me some money, air, and meaning in order to accomplish this?

[Gary Childress]

Actually, can I send you a shopping list?

[Gary Childress]

Quantum physics needs new interns. Please apply only in twos. If they open up more slits than that, then they'll figure out what a wave is.

[Gary Childress]

Never give a Jew anything that you don't owe them. If you do, then they'll be indebted to you and try to help you out. Never give a Christian anything you don't owe them or they'll assume you'll turn the other cheek when you come back to get something for it.

[Gary Childress]

Never give a scientist anything that you don't want them to control.

[Gary Childress]

If you do, then they'll use them for controlled experiments.

[Gary Childress]

Never give me anything that you don't want done immediately.

[Gary Childress]

Journalists who don't want to die, make up news when they have nothing better to do.