Does Romantic Love Exist?

[vegetariantaxidermy]

In the meantime I'll just have to persevere without romantic love, I guess.

That part is easy romantic love so often itself being a sign of disease.

True And, oddly enough, narcissism. Just look at the way 'celebrities' gush over their 'soul mate' only to be with a different 'soul mate' five minutes later. Being genuinely 'in love' has many of the same features as a mental illness. It can be extremely unpleasant. Just think of all the people who kill themselves over 'romantic love'. So much for being 'magical'.

[vegetariantaxidermy]

When you think about it, so-called 'celebrities' do a lot of harm with their incessant gushing that has nothing to do with reality. You only have listen to the way they gush over childbirth and having babies, with rainbows and unicorns and cosmic blasts of incandescent 'love light' at first sight. It gives those foolish enough to take any notice of them unrealistic expectations and can cause immense feelings of guilt and disappointment in the gullible. Those phonies have a lot to answer for, with their ridiculous, phony faces and self-worshipping social media garbage.

[promethean75]

The more money you have, the shallower you become in every aspect and dimension of being human. Character is created out of struggle and suffering, because one needs something to overcome in order to become better. Now I don't claim everyone should go broke on purpose so to develop better character. That would be retarded. What I'm saying is that the frequency of superficial character increases the easier life becomes. Ergo, the celebrity flakes who's lives are like a fairytale.

[promethean75]

And this is our fault, too. We're the ones who agreed to pay outrageous prices to watch their movies, sport events, and buy their albums. Without the millions of consumers to keep the entertainment industry running, these people would be working ordinary jobs and might even have some character as a result.

[Dubious]

In the meantime I'll just have to persevere without romantic love, I guess.

That part is easy romantic love so often itself being a sign of disease.

True And, oddly enough, narcissism. Just look at the way 'celebrities' gush over their 'soul mate' only to be with a different 'soul mate' five minutes later. Being genuinely 'in love' has many of the same features as a mental illness. It can be extremely unpleasant. Just think of all the people who kill themselves over 'romantic love'. So much for being 'magical'.

Romantic love reminds me of that great best selling harlequin romance of the late 18th century, The Sorrows of Young Werther by none other than Goethe. It caused a slew of suicides throughout Europe which goes to show that human idiocy is timeless.

[vegetariantaxidermy]

The more money you have, the shallower you become in every aspect and dimension of being human. Character is created out of struggle and suffering, because one needs something to overcome in order to become better. Now I don't claim everyone should go broke on purpose so to develop better character. That would be retarded. What I'm saying is that the frequency of superficial character increases the easier life becomes. Ergo, the celebrity flakes who's lives are like a fairytale.

So true. Mark Zuckerberg looks and sounds barely human these days. Donald Trump was quite pleasant and charming in his young days but got progressively more repellent and greedy-looking. A human with too much power is not a pretty sight. 'Power corrupts...'

[Walker]

It would be better to be hated than loved unconditionally which makes one no more valueable than a piece of trash or refuse.

To be … non-possessive of the woman you love
Is not the same as
To be … non-possessive of garbage.

For her sake, you need to be enlightened to the difference.

The first sets free what you enslaved with your need
The second sets you free from hoarding your waste

Surely, you can see the difference.

Aspire to the freedom of your beloved, and

Shun enslavement to your waste
(Even if you’re rich as Howie Hughes)

Are you the only one who steers?

[RCSaunders]

It would be better to be hated than loved unconditionally which makes one no more valueable than a piece of trash or refuse.

To be … non-possessive of the woman you love
Is not the same as
To be … non-possessive of garbage.

For her sake, you need to be enlightened to the difference.

The first sets free what you enslaved with your need
The second sets you free from hoarding your waste

Surely, you can see the difference.

Aspire to the freedom of your beloved, and

Shun enslavement to your waste
(Even if you’re rich as Howie Hughes)

Are you the only one who steers?

I pitty any woman who gets saddled with you and your view of love.

When two people truly love each other, they both mutually desire to possess the object of their love and to be possessed by their lover. For one to know they are loved as the most valuable thing in their lover's life is to know they are their true love's greatest treasure that will will be tended and cared for in every possible way. One loves another for their own sake, not the sake of the other.

If one does anything for another that is not because the other is a real value to them it is a kind of self-sacrifice that will end in causing misery for both.

[vegetariantaxidermy]

You have to make yourself a person that is worth loving by another, someone another person can admire and value because of your character, achievement, and integrity. You have to be someone another will find pleasure in because you are interesting and enjoyable for them to be with. You have to be someone another will find is always reasonable, who will never resort to manipulation by appealing to anything other than their own best reason--never threatening, appealing to fears, or feelings, or emotions, or their weaknesses or irrational desires.

Of course the one you love must be to you what you are to them, and once you have chosen each other as the love of your life, your objective will always the happiness of the other because they are the source of yours.

What any of these will mean in specifics will be different for everyone, because everyone's interests and desires are different, but in principle I think these apply to everyone.

Well, it's almost impossible to have "character" and "achievement" with a serious mental illness. Just not my life I guess. Maybe next time around God or the great hoobdy doobdy (or whatever runs this world) will bless me with something other than schizoaffective disorder. In the meantime I'll just have to persevere without romantic love, I guess.

Have you read A Beautiful Mind? Overcoming schizofrenia is not impossible and can definitely include both success and romantic love. [More here and in his own words here.]

[There is a movie made from the book, which iI think is a bit of a distortion, but you might find it interesting and something to think about.]

Don't ever give up! There are no guarantees in life. One can never know what they may achieve until they try. The only thing that is certain is you will never know what you might have achieved if you give up. No one achieves everything they could possibly aspire too, but success is achieving and being all one really can.

Some 'not so nice' aspects of his life were left out of the book and film, but he did learn to overcome it as far as it's possible to do so ''...he learned how to consciously discard his paranoid delusions.'' The people who seem to do the best with schizophrenia are the highly intelligent, self-aware ones and they don't do it with drugs. I'm pretty sure that mind altering drugs will make anything to do with the brain worse in the long run.

[Skip]

[... find a mate they can count on. That's not about romance or being beautiful; it's about understanding, trust, affection and acceptance.]
Every individual's experience is different, but mine is a little more than that. I'm in my eighties, and my wife in her seventies, and our love is more, "romantic," (because we've both grown so much) then ever. Perhaps it's our love, but my wife does not have a single grey hair, and just enough creases in her face to land character which has made her more beautiful to me. I feel sorry for those who find they've lost romance or find no beauty in those they love, but I'm afraid it is what most experience.

You're lucky to have a pretty wife and to define romance in the way that you do - that's the gravy. (And the grey hair thing is genetic.) But it's not the essence of finding of the right mate. If that's all people look for, and especially if that's all they offer, they're usually disappointed. And get divorced. And feel miserable. And can't figure out why.

[Walker]

I pitty any woman who gets saddled with you and your view of love.

So that's how it is.

Cute. Real cute.

[Dontaskme]

Is there such a thing as romantic love?

Yes romatic love does exist, it exists as a feeling, but like all feelings, it's a fleeting temporal sensation.

Unfortunately, sensations have a mind of their own, there is nothing in reality that has any control over their appearance. No sensation can be bottled to keep forever, or held in the hand or have any place to be on a permanent basis.

Romantic love is something that can be enjoyed in the moment of it's visit, but it is just a visitor, it's like a butterfly, lovely to look at in the moment, but to hold a butterfly too tight will crush it, it must always be allowed to fly away.

.

One must be worthy of romantic love to find it. There must be something of value in the individual that is worth loving and worth pursuing as one's highest value. Most of those who repudiate romantic love have simply despaired of finding it because they know they will never earn or deserve it.

No one finds love, love finds no one.

There is only unconditional love.

[Walker]

Just look at the divorce rate...

I've heard that divorce and/or breaking up can be very painful. LIfe and love have the potential to be such wonderful things and yet they fall so short. This world is so broken. I think if there is a God, then God should feel shame for how broken this world is that it created.

wtf Gary?

You claim ignorance of Romantic Love, then pass judgement on the world out of that ignorance.

stfu and listen to folks who know about what you say don't know about.

Savvy?

*

Consider all the romance that ends in bitterness.

Romantic relationship is more than flying high with the unicorns, flowers braided into manes and locks.

Discussing it is more than an ego venue.

Unless the relationship is one of a man playing child to a mother, a man must be strong for more than just himself in a romantic relationship, plain and simple.

There’s even a song about it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-UexxCPuGA

[RCSaunders]

Well, it's almost impossible to have "character" and "achievement" with a serious mental illness. Just not my life I guess. Maybe next time around God or the great hoobdy doobdy (or whatever runs this world) will bless me with something other than schizoaffective disorder. In the meantime I'll just have to persevere without romantic love, I guess.

Have you read A Beautiful Mind? Overcoming schizofrenia is not impossible and can definitely include both success and romantic love. [More here and in his own words here.]

[There is a movie made from the book, which iI think is a bit of a distortion, but you might find it interesting and something to think about.]

Don't ever give up! There are no guarantees in life. One can never know what they may achieve until they try. The only thing that is certain is you will never know what you might have achieved if you give up. No one achieves everything they could possibly aspire too, but success is achieving and being all one really can.

Some 'not so nice' aspects of his life were left out of the book and film, but he did learn to overcome it as far as it's possible to do so ''...he learned how to consciously discard his paranoid delusions.'' The people who seem to do the best with schizophrenia are the highly intelligent, self-aware ones and they don't do it with drugs. I'm pretty sure that mind altering drugs will make anything to do with the brain worse in the long run.

How refreshing. Someone who knows what they are talking about. I totally agree about the mind altering drugs, especially those that are being forced in kids.

[RCSaunders]

[... find a mate they can count on. That's not about romance or being beautiful; it's about understanding, trust, affection and acceptance.]
Every individual's experience is different, but mine is a little more than that. I'm in my eighties, and my wife in her seventies, and our love is more, "romantic," (because we've both grown so much) then ever. Perhaps it's our love, but my wife does not have a single grey hair, and just enough creases in her face to land character which has made her more beautiful to me. I feel sorry for those who find they've lost romance or find no beauty in those they love, but I'm afraid it is what most experience.

You're lucky to have a pretty wife and to define romance in the way that you do - that's the gravy. (And the grey hair thing is genetic.) But it's not the essence of finding of the right mate. If that's all people look for, and especially if that's all they offer, they're usually disappointed. And get divorced. And feel miserable. And can't figure out why.

Like anything else in life worth having, it's not something that just happens. One must truly want it and work to make it right, constantly guarding against the million things that can threaten the most valuable thing in one's life. There is always temptations, times when one could allow their feelings or desires influence them say or do something to spoil the best they'll ever have. It is what is wrong with everyone who confuses some romantic emotion or feeling for love. When circumstances or physiological states change, if their love is only based on feeling, it will be gone.

A parent who loves their own child more than their own life and could never intentionally harm their own child, when that child is being particularly exasperating and the parent is tired or ill, they may not, "feel," very loving toward the child, but they not love them any less.

(And the grey hair thing is genetic.)

Quite so, and sometimes embarrasing when people think she's my daughter.