Philosophy Now Forum

Skip wrote:There is no shit in heaven, because there are no bodies to produce it, Plus, most of the human population would object to the presence of the quantity required to keep all those flies happy forever. And, let's face it, this upstart species will want everything its own way there, too.

Solution: Flies go to hell, where the lakes and mountains are made of excrement, but there is no Flit or Off; no nets or screens; no swatters or sticky paper. Insects are allowed to torment humans without impediment.

(No horses, though - they go to heaven. No cattle, either - they go to India as a software developers.)

Blaggard wrote:

There's no heaven so the point is moot.

Skip wrote:

Blaggard wrote:

There's no heaven so the point is moot.

No shit!?
(Why does somebody always feel the need to point that out? Some of us already know; the rest will find out in due course.)

attofishpi wrote: Making statements about such a thing neither of you actually have any experience of is the reason for mine.

attofishpi wrote:I would like someone to start making their definitions of heaven, as per biblical attribution...please.

uwot wrote:

attofishpi wrote: Making statements about such a thing neither of you actually have any experience of is the reason for mine.

Do you actually have any experience of heaven?

attofishpi wrote:I would like someone to start making their definitions of heaven, as per biblical attribution...please.

I wouldn't bother with biblical attributions; as far as I can tell, the ideas we have of heaven and hell are almost entirely attributable to Plato; specifically the Myth of Er at the end of the Republic, and his theory of forms, from various places. Plato was quite happy to use propaganda and 'myths', lies in other words, to manipulate the population. The Myth of Er portrays the sort of heaven and hell the hard of thinking and people concerned with bodily survival could understand; while the theory of forms includes the sort of heaven that people who enjoy triangles and whatnot would like. The bible says very little specific about heaven, except in the book of revelations, but as we are honoured to have our very own prophet who is the only person ever to understand it, it would be out of place for me to comment. Tell us all about it, Reverend Bob.

Blaggard wrote:

Skip wrote:There is no shit in heaven, because there are no bodies to produce it, Plus, most of the human population would object to the presence of the quantity required to keep all those flies happy forever. And, let's face it, this upstart species will want everything its own way there, too.

Solution: Flies go to hell, where the lakes and mountains are made of excrement, but there is no Flit or Off; no nets or screens; no swatters or sticky paper. Insects are allowed to torment humans without impediment.

(No horses, though - they go to heaven. No cattle, either - they go to India as a software developers.)

There's no heaven so the point is moot.

attofishpi wrote:

Skip wrote:

Blaggard wrote:

There's no heaven so the point is moot.

No shit!?
(Why does somebody always feel the need to point that out? Some of us already know; the rest will find out in due course.)

You are both numbskulls.
Making statements about such a thing neither of you actually have any experience of is the reason for mine.

I would like someone to start making their definitions of heaven, as per biblical attribution...please.

Isaiah 25:8-12
he will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken. In that day they will say, "Surely this is our God; we trusted in him, and he saved us. This is the LORD, we trusted in him; let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation." The hand of the LORD will rest on this mountain; but Moab will be trampled under him as straw is trampled down in the manure. They will spread out their hands in it, as a swimmer spreads out his hands to swim. God will bring down their pride despite the cleverness of their hands. He will bring down your high fortified walls and lay them low; he will bring them down to the ground, to the very dust.
Read Isaiah 25

"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.
Read Matthew 5
Matthew 7:13-15

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. "Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.
Read Matthew 7
Matthew 19:17-19

"Why do you ask me about what is good?" Jesus replied. "There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, obey the commandments." "Which ones?" the man inquired. Jesus replied, " 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother,' and 'love your neighbor as yourself.' "
Read Matthew 19
Luke 13:29-33

People will come from east and west and north and south, and will take their places at the feast in the kingdom of God. Indeed there are those who are last who will be first, and first who will be last." At that time some Pharisees came to Jesus and said to him, "Leave this place and go somewhere else. Herod wants to kill you." He replied, "Go tell that fox, 'I will drive out demons and heal people today and tomorrow, and on the third day I will reach my goal.' In any case, I must keep going today and tomorrow and the next day--for surely no prophet can die outside Jerusalem!
Read Luke 13
John 14:2-4

In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."
Read John 14
Colossians 3:1-7

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived.
Read Colossians 3
Revelation 7:13-17

Then one of the elders asked me, "These in white robes--who are they, and where did they come from?" I answered, "Sir, you know." And he said, "These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. Therefore, "they are before the throne of God and serve him day and night in his temple; and he who sits on the throne will spread his tent over them. Never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat upon them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."
Read Revelation 7 | View in parallel | Compare Translations
Revelation 21:4-8

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son. But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars--their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death."
Read Revelation 21 | View in parallel | Compare Translations
Revelation 22:3-7

No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever. The angel said to me, "These words are trustworthy and true. The Lord, the God of the spirits of the prophets, sent his angel to show his servants the things that must soon take place." "Behold, I am coming soon! Blessed is he who keeps the words of the prophecy in this book."
Read Revelation 22
Revelation 22:5-9

There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever. The angel said to me, "These words are trustworthy and true. The Lord, the God of the spirits of the prophets, sent his angel to show his servants the things that must soon take place." "Behold, I am coming soon! Blessed is he who keeps the words of the prophecy in this book." I, John, am the one who heard and saw these things. And when I had heard and seen them, I fell down to worship at the feet of the angel who had been showing them to me. But he said to me, "Do not do it! I am a fellow servant with you and with your brothers the prophets and of all who keep the words of this book. Worship God!"
Read Revelation 22
Ezekiel 28:24-26

" 'No longer will the people of Israel have malicious neighbors who are painful briers and sharp thorns. Then they will know that I am the Sovereign LORD. " 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: When I gather the people of Israel from the nations where they have been scattered, I will show myself holy among them in the sight of the nations. Then they will live in their own land, which I gave to my servant Jacob. They will live there in safety and will build houses and plant vineyards; they will live in safety when I inflict punishment on all their neighbors who maligned them. Then they will know that I am the LORD their God.' "
Read Ezekiel 28
Matthew 22:29-33

Jesus replied, "You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. But about the resurrection of the dead--have you not read what God said to you, 'I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob' ? He is not the God of the dead but of the living." When the crowds heard this, they were astonished at his teaching.
Read Matthew 22

jackles wrote:yes i am being serious here.you swat a fly does it the fly you swated go to heaven.i reckon it does but what do you reckon.

Blaggard wrote:There staisfied. You could of been less of a dick about it though...