Philosophy Now Forum

You can observe the success of the mean ones in novels too.

John in "John´s Wife", his father Mitch.
The man who fired Smith in the novel "Smith".

What are the options of the un-mean ? Honestly.



Meanness pays like hell.

Only if you are a person of independent means, only then can you afford the luxury of not playing the game of the mean.

isn't it mean that the fittest take the top spot?

natural selection itself is mean to the weak...

herd animals yearning for detachment?

-Imp

Arising_uk wrote:

duszek wrote:Do you know other options to fighting?

Running.

Yes, that's the strategy of the British, especially when confronted by an oppressive government.

I don't know.
I've been seeing an increase both in the number of people who are proudly callous (mean, contemptuous, rude, pitiless, insulting) and in the degree of callousness. Probably a sign of imperialism: aggressive regimes desensitize their citizens to make more effective soldiers - and more uncritical supporters of militarism. Empathy doesn't go well with fire-bombing strangers' homes.
("Hah! Why did he bring his kids to a war zone?")
As far as survival of the fittest - which means, the one best suited to a prevailing environment - goes, yes, the callous and pitiless are thriving right now. That doesn't mean it will always be so: environments change - mostly because the callous people are destructive.

You can't not see this guy for what he is, but you want to refrain from saying it. OK, that really means, refrain from saying anything substantial and meaningful.

The mean person and myself we have different criteria.

Accept that you and he have different value systems (He? gender not specified - somehow i'd find this more depressing if it's a woman or the member of a minority... That's just my peculiar criteria.) In a better world, people with different criteria might discuss their perspectives and come to an understanding - at least agree to disagree and leave each other alone.

Mask has to be the answer. Like a medieval pot helmet - hard and shiny; nothing goes through, nothing shows through, nothing sticks. How to talk without saying anything? Perhaps repeat back what he says, as a question. Make him repeat himself. More thoughts later.

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duszek wrote:Thank you Arising and Thedoc, but I did not mean physical fighting, I meant mental and especially emotional fighting. ...
Autists perceive a lot and keep in mind a lot. This can be a huge emotional burden.

If you can't change then you're just going to have to learn to live with it. Can you just ignore them?

Why not complain to their superior?

Complaining can backfire, especially if the aggressor is sneaky and you don't know whose side the supervisor will take.

Some mean people are not overt bullies, but irritants: they'll sometimes look all affable and friendly and throw out comments "just kidding!" or barbs "Sheesh! Don't be so touchy!" calculated to provoke their victim - usually not an actual rival, but an easy target: the person who is un-average .... who may not be popular in the first place, so the irritant often finds sneaky allies - people who enjoy the victim's discomfiture, but pretend not to hear anything. He just smiles, and the target of his irritation looks bad if he loses his temper, looks bad if he avoids confrontation, looks bad if he protests.

The only foolproof defense is not caring.

True.

Spit in their coffee or piss in their tea then and cheer yourself up watching the mean bastards drink it. Don't get caught now y'hear.

.

Thank you for your comments.

I have tried to make even with them by some kind of revenge and it does not make me feel better. I rather hurt myself.

A problem with talking to the boss is that the boss has a full schedule and has no energy left for such things. That´s what being a boss is about.
So an employee has to figure out something on their own.
I think that being mean is a use of some surplus energy, because one´s life is not filled out enough. And torturing someone gives one a sense of power.

The detachment is the goal I am working with now.
The latest line of experiments: going like to a cinema to watch a film, a display of evil.
(It is the opposite of when TV spectators are invited to call. They are supposed to be more engaged and to leave their spectator modus. I try to adopt the spectator modus in a real life situation.)

To make it more playful one can make some bets about what will show up this time.

Am I a pioneer in this area or has anyone tried anything and can report ?

Perhaps being mean is a common disease one needs to be immune to.

If you are not immune then you are doomed.

Or you can start a group therapy, with the aim to train how to endure meanness, sarcasm, bullying etc. without get excited over it.

Another strategy:

"You get upset because someone says something in a nasty tone ? Listen to the news, people are dying all over the world. Be grateful that you are still alive."

duszek wrote:Thank you for your comments.

I have tried to make even with them by some kind of revenge and it does not make me feel better. I rather hurt myself. ...

Fair enough. You are a moral being.

A problem with talking to the boss is that the boss has a full schedule and has no energy left for such things. That´s what being a boss is about.

This is exactly wrong. Part of being a boss is employee relationships and resolving issues as a happy employee is a productive one. If this is the reason you have not talked to them then go talk to them.

So an employee has to figure out something on their own.

True but if you cannot then you need to step upstairs.

I think that being mean is a use of some surplus energy, because one´s life is not filled out enough. And torturing someone gives one a sense of power.

True of the latter but you cannot know the former, they may be being bullied themselves, they may have been bullied and this is all they know of how to behave, they may even not know the effect they are having upon you.

The detachment is the goal I am working with now.
The latest line of experiments: going like to a cinema to watch a film, a display of evil.
(It is the opposite of when TV spectators are invited to call. They are supposed to be more engaged and to leave their spectator modus. I try to adopt the spectator modus in a real life situation.)

This is what bullies want as it makes you a victim.

To make it more playful one can make some bets about what will show up this time.

Am I a pioneer in this area or has anyone tried anything and can report ?

Many take this approach in various ways but it does not make the problem go away, you have to address bullying.

I wish you well.

Something i haven't asked about the situation: What do you want? Do you want them to stop? Do you want to get even? Do you want to convert them of your own point of view? Do you want simply to function in the given environment, without engaging in conflict?

Here is another possible approach for making them stop. (I mean other than appealing to a higher power.)
Enlist colleagues to your side. When the meanie is baiting you in front of a witness (they usually like an audience), do your astonishment reaction (which is already expected) and add something like "I wonder why you said that." or "Am I wearing the wrong hat today?"* Turn the attention of the bystander to the meanie's motives, thus undermining his credibility. You'd have to do it a few times, and keep coming up with new responses. It could take a lot of emotional energy. But if you succeeded in turning the other colleagues' sympathies, the meanie would eventually give you up as a target.


(*Old joke.
Rabbit was walking along, minding his own business, when two foxes stopped him. "Look", said one fox to the other, "Rabbit isn't wearing a hat. Let's beat him up." So they did.
Next day, Rabbit walked along the same street with his hat on. The foxes stopped him again. One fox said, "Hey, Rabbit, have you got a light?" "Sorry," said Rabbit, I don't smoke." So they beat him up.
Third day, Rabbit is walking along, hat on, the foxes stop him. "Hey Rabbit, you got a cigarette?" "Oh sure," says Rabbit, "Filter? Plain? Menthol? Here's a light."
So, one fox says to the other, "I don't like his hat - do you?" and they beat him up.
Yeah, i know it's not funny, but it's true.)

What I want is to be left in peace because my life is full as it is. These games don´t interest me and they loathe me for this.
They need targets to gossip about and to get emotional about. That´s what their lives are all about.

I am aware of the trump cards I have, but one can never be sure enough.

The meanie knows that she needs to act without witnesses and in such a subtle way that formulating it is a linguistic challenge.

Perhaps I should imagine to be John from the novel "John´s wife", who looks upon a theatre made for his personal amusement.

I do not feel like a rabbit. I feel challenged to find an antidotum. A serum against the virus.