Gary's Corner

[Gary Childress]

I don't want to die horribly.

[Gary Childress]

Life is something to be endured, not enjoyed.

[Gary Childress]

I'm a sick individual. And there is no cure.

[Gary Childress]

Maybe Bertrand Russell was wrong. Maybe it's the intelligent who are "cock sure" and the ignorant who are "full of doubt". How many years has that phrase been with us, that to have doubt is "intelligent"?

[Gary Childress]

I don't deserve a corner. I deserve a cage. The world is shit. But some people are happy with shit. Blessed are those who are thankful for shit, for they will be amicable, and others will want to be around them. Cursed are those of us who want more out of life, for we shall spread and propagate the shit and experience the shame of responsibility for it.

My poor parents, I wouldn't want me for a son. Or...actually, I don't know. I think I could relate to myself if I had myself for a son. We'd argue all day and think it was perfectly normal and fine. I should be a foster parent for problem children. Problem children are the only children I couldn't ruin. Of course, I'd probably be miserable dealing with a problem child. But, really, that's what I deserve.

[Gary Childress]

If God hates polemicists, he probably hates blasphemous polemicists more. Maybe I'm screwed plus...

[Gary Childress]

I should humble myself before God. Why? Because God will NEVER humble himself.

[Gary Childress]

The Judeo-Christian God is a God who punishes impiety. We are told not to give in to "temptation". In other words, all the shiny, sparkly things in life that seem wonderful to us are to be avoided. Or are they? God has forgiven us on the condition that we accept Jesus as our savior. If we do that, then we are "forgiven" and can pursue whatever we want and be subject only to rules of good conduct and luck as to whether we get those things. Some get the shiny, appealing things, and some don't.

However, I am a blasphemer. I have rebuked God. So I will never get the shiny, appealing things, at least not with the grace of God on my side. I feel like I can never have the wonderful things in life. I can have comfort and stability, but I can never have the wonderful things in life unless I trade my comfort and stability for them. So, which would I rather have, the shiny, appealing things in life or simply comfort and stability?

Or maybe I have no such "choice". Maybe God's wrath is set against me, and I will be punished and not only not receive any of the shiny, appealing things but also lose my comfort and stability. Maybe I'm to be ruined because of my blasphemy. Maybe that's just the way the world works.

Funny, a world with a punishing God and a world with no God at all, where we are at the mercy of luck, and the odds are stacked against us, seem relatively similar.

So the question remains. Does God exist or does God not exist? And if God does exist, then what? Is there a way to please God so that we can get something in life other than the proverbial "chopped liver"? And if I am only in life for the shiny, appealing things, then will God love me or even like me? The world is a dungeon to me. It will always be a dungeon. I will always be at odds with God, because I cannot love what seems to me like a prison warden. I will always live in a world where God is the great punisher of impiety.

If God does exist, the next question becomes, which God? Can I live in a world dominated by Islam? Will Muslims accept me? Jesus at least forgives and preaches love. But Allah? Allah is hard. He's unforgiving, and I am part of the "great Satan". Islam wishes to destroy me. At least Christianity is docile and relatively benevolent. I would rather live in a world of Christians than in a world of Muslims.

Christian justice is theoretically administered by God; Muslim justice is administered by the sword of humans. Islam is a religion for the angry. Christianity doesn't tolerate anger. Islam seems like the true dungeon to me (or maybe a worse dungeon). Christianity at least has a parole officer. With Islam, people will kill you if you do something wrong to them, whether by accident or intentionally. And if they can't kill you and live afterwards, then they'll kill you just to become a "martyr".

Islam is a religion of killing and war. Christianity is a religion of peaceful people. (Of course, people often can't seem to be peaceful in nature.)

I like Christianity better. It's not vicious and threatening. But do we not live in a world where being vicious and threatening is often necessary for survival?

Maybe it would be safer for me to become a Muslim...if Islam wins. Christianity will be more tolerant of non-believers. But if the world is survival of the strongest, then maybe I ought to start sharpening a weapon or something.

[Gary Childress]

I've had a good life. Things could have been much worse. They could have been better, too, but in the life of a broken, mentally ill person, "better" doesn't seem to really happen. Things either hold where they are, or else they get worse. There is no ground to win, only ground to lose.

After youth, life is a constant battle against a force that, like gravity, pulls you relentlessly down over time. In youth, we peak at the top of what we will ultimately achieve or receive, and after that, it's all decay and degradation. Youth is full of possibilities and optimism; only with age do we truly come to know life as a tragedy. By the time old age comes, it's too late for some; they have already produced children, thinking they were giving them the wonderfulness of life (a gift). But that was only a youthful illusion. In old age, we come to realize that the only reason to have children is to tend to us as we decline. The older we are when we have children, the more wicked the act is, for the glory and magic of birth slowly turns into what looks more to us like premeditated murder.

[Gary Childress]

Some people give their children "gifts" (called the "gift" of life), while others would rather spare them from suffering. I spared my would-be children from this world. To me, that is the greatest gift I could possibly give them.

[Gary Childress]

I've done my moral duty. I've abstained from producing descendants. Now all I can realistically do without making things worse is wait around for death. I really don't want to die, but having to wait around for the inevitable gets boring. Although I'm fortunate, I could be waiting around with fear and terror. That's even worse than boredom.

[Gary Childress]

I complain about the world a lot. It's boring and uneventful most of the time and horribly terrifying at others. I wish life could be a wonderful thing. But if it were wonderful, I'd want to stay here forever, and that doesn't seem possible. Maybe I'm better off accepting death than struggling to avoid it at all costs. So maybe boredom is the best thing for me.

[Walker]

Mitchell offers some clues concerning the female mind.
How can sorting that out be boring?

Saraswati incarnate.

Song for Sharon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ON3SPq2 ... rt_radio=1

[Gary Childress]

How can sorting that out be boring?

True.

[Lacewing]

I don't want to die horribly.

Who does?